Participation in sports

My son is 4.5 and will be five in May.  He is in a Montessori school where he does very well.  He is very social, popular, smart, right on track and in some areas he is ahead.   He has a very high energy level  - loves to run around in the park and make friends.
He is also non-cooperative, I have to tell him to do something several times, he is very willful and defiant.  I signed him up for pee-wee soccer and I am the assistant coach and he does not want to participate.  When we talk about it, he says he loves it and wants to continue.  He does the same thing at school - they have yoga and he does not participate at all.  Yet he loves pee-wee baseball, swimming and piano.
Just want to make sure that he is ok and on track and I have nothing to worry about.  I just have a normal four year old.  I am doing the proper thing by keeping him in soccer and exposing him to different sports and music.
Thank you!

[Ashelen]

Well there are a few things here. You always here "once a quitter, always a quitter" but I personally think that the lesson may be lost on a child so young. He sounds normal to me, and it sounds like he knows what he enjoys. So making him stay in a sport he doesn't enjoy isn't something I would necessarily encourage; but it's not going to scar him for life if that's what you're worried about.

Personally, I would say to him "I want you to participate in two sports, and one creative activity but I'll let you choose"...and do just that. If he wants to do say swimming and t-ball, and (just pulling out of a hat here) drum class...let him do that. It gives him a little bit of control over his life but at the same time you're making the big decisions. THere's no much point to keeping him in an activity he dislikes. Keeping him active and involved are the keys....WHAT he does isn't as important, in my opinion.

This is also something I think that particularly applies because he attends a Montessori school. Most kids would have to learn the lesson "you have to stay on the team even if you don't like it" because they're attending a regular school, but because of his unique situation he's going to have to learn to make decisions and be responsible for his own choices and this is a good time to start teaching him so he can apply it while in school as well. For instance if he learns "I am going to take these two sports and this creative class but I get to choose the ones I enjoy" and applies that thinking to his decision-making process, it's going to help him when he's expanding lessons at school and learning new subjects... "I can choose geometry instead of algebra and I can choose history of America instead of History of europe. I have to have a history, but I can choose one that appeals to me".  And because this is how his school operates, he'll quickly learn to self-direct effectively.


How do you feel about the Montessori school, by the way? We have a highly-acclaimed Montessori school hwere that I am very interested in sending my two kids to someday and I'm curious from a parent's perspective how you feel about it.

[Ashelen]

Well there are a few things here. You always here "once a quitter, always a quitter" but I personally think that the lesson may be lost on a child so young. He sounds normal to me, and it sounds like he knows what he enjoys. So making him stay in a sport he doesn't enjoy isn't something I would necessarily encourage; but it's not going to scar him for life if that's what you're worried about.

Personally, I would say to him "I want you to participate in two sports, and one creative activity but I'll let you choose"...and do just that. If he wants to do say swimming and t-ball, and (just pulling out of a hat here) drum class...let him do that. It gives him a little bit of control over his life but at the same time you're making the big decisions. THere's no much point to keeping him in an activity he dislikes. Keeping him active and involved are the keys....WHAT he does isn't as important, in my opinion.

This is also something I think that particularly applies because he attends a Montessori school. Most kids would have to learn the lesson "you have to stay on the team even if you don't like it" because they're attending a regular school, but because of his unique situation he's going to have to learn to make decisions and be responsible for his own choices and this is a good time to start teaching him so he can apply it while in school as well. For instance if he learns "I am going to take these two sports and this creative class but I get to choose the ones I enjoy" and applies that thinking to his decision-making process, it's going to help him when he's expanding lessons at school and learning new subjects... "I can choose geometry instead of algebra and I can choose history of America instead of History of europe. I have to have a history, but I can choose one that appeals to me".  And because this is how his school operates, he'll quickly learn to self-direct effectively.


How do you feel about the Montessori school, by the way? We have a highly-acclaimed Montessori school hwere that I am very interested in sending my two kids to someday and I'm curious from a parent's perspective how you feel about it.

[Sandman2]

Sounds like a pretty typical smart male who likes to have his way.  He will be lots of fun as he grows up.  Good ideas from Ashlene.  Soccer wise - take him to practice.  He can play or not.  Petty sure he won't choose to sit on the bench.  I can't think of a better sport or a better way to work with your child than soccer.  But, I am a bit biased since my wife and my self coached our kids from age 5 to 16.

[Owensmom26]

Thank you both for your comments and suggestions!  They were both very helpful!
Ashelen - I love Montessori education.  We have a Blue Ribbon Public Montessori School here and I put Owen in the lottery - I hope he gets in as the school he goes to now after PK-4 has a very small and expensive K program!  
He is florishing in the program and he has great teachers.  I hope to keep him in Montessori for as long as I can.  I do not think you can go wrong with Montessori!
Thanks again for your insights.  I really appreciate it.