Playing Truth or Dare

[Twoulair1934]

Hello,
I was wanting to know how I'd go about asking about what kind of truths or dares a child plays.

My step-sister called me last week soemtime and we were talking and she said she played truth or dare with her brother, now her brother is notorious for being rude and perverted and he's only 14 like he can turn anything dirty and he has passed this dirty talk on to his sister which is 9. From what I've been told in the past he masturbates in front of her and his younger brother who is 12. I've asked what they do and they say they just ignore it, but I'm really concerned about the sister because she has at one point talked about her brothers penis (the 14 year old).

A while ago the sister was talking to me about a game of truth or dare she played with her brother and his friend and she told me she was dared to have her brother friend slap her across the face with his penis. So as I said before she played it last week with him, I don't want to jump to conclusions but I would just like to find a way to get (ironically) the truth out of her of what kind of questions and dares are asked to make sure the brother isn't making her "do things".

Please take this serious, I wrote up a huge paragraph months ago and I was contemplating on weather to post it or not. So I didn't, but now I want to. So could anyone give me advise on what I can do to asked what goes on while they play this game.

[specialmom]

Oh goodness, of course it is ABUSE if she is 9 and he is 14.  Child on child molestation is not uncommon and no less molestation that an adult pushing her into sexual situations.  

I can not advise you on how to keep this low key and 'talk to her'. You are not her parent and this is parental territory.  It is indeed a big deal and this little girl is having her sexuality shaped by her brother.  She will be scarred by this and your sitting back and 'trying to help' or whatever behind the scenes really is not helping her.  

Someone needs to stand up for this little girl.  

I'd handle it by firm boundaries.  IF I hear of your penis out 14 year old in front of anyone, your privileges are stripped. And for the time being, you are not allowed to have any friends over or to be unsupervised with your siblings.  Parents will have to not use him as baby sitter, not trust that he is doing the right thing until proven otherwise.  Parents need to have good touch bad touch talks with their younger kids and know that this is NOT okay.  
And it is not okay.  

You really need to stay away from your sister on this subject because that you don't see this as abuse and just want to quiz her on it rather than first making her home a safe place for her to be a child makes me very concerned.  You are not her parent and I'm sure you don't want to inadvertently do more damage to this child.  

So, tell your parents what you know and let them be the ones to handle it.  

And it is very troubling that getting someone in trouble is your concern with this type of thing going on in their home.  It helps the 14 year old as well to have this dealt with because if he tries any of that with say one of your sister's friends, authorities could get involved.  HE needs to be reigned in and taught boundaries and acceptable behavior.

So, help the whole family out by talking to their mom and dad.  good luck

[Twoulair1934]

Hey All,
I understand what you are all saying, but I have to say I don't know if it's still abuse if she is in on it. Like I think she likes paying it. That is why I said before she could lie to me. Also I know it kind of irresponsible (maybe) but I don't want to speak to the parents because I don't want to get anyone in to trouble I want to settle this "under the table" I've spoken to the 14 year old said it's ****** up that he masturbates in front of his brother and sister. Please though if I was the parent how would I go about handling this? To still keep it low-key. If I was to ask her, how do I ask it?


Also I'm 20 for those who are wondering how old I am.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm not sure I understand.  By no means do I think a sibling should undertake sorting out this situation on their own.  If you have a male in the house that is a teen possibly doing anything inappropriate to a younger sibling, parents need to know.  Grilling the little sister is a bit much.  I understand it is hard to make accusations toward the 14 year old if you arent' sure--  but you seem like you think something is going on.  I'm not sure how old you are but playing basement detective is inappropriate in this situation.  The 9 year olds parents need to be involved and keep a better eye on what is happening including any and all games the older kids play with the younger ones.  I don't recommend trying to be a super sleuth and questioning this little girl.  If something is happening---  that is not right that in all the older siblings attempts to insert themselves into the situation, the abuse continues.  Parents should be involved.  If you are an adult and don't trust your parents to handle the situation, social services can take anonymous calls.  good luck to the family

[Yourlove34]

That's commenting sexually rape in a way

[Sandman2]

    And thats the point.  She could still lie to you.  Or she could tell you that something is going on - and then what do you do?      
    Basically, the book gives you a way to get your point across with out blame.  The review states:
     " I Said No! uses kid-friendly language and illustrations to help parents and concerned adults give kids guidance they can understand, practice and use.
Using a simple, direct, decidedly non-icky approach that doesn't dumb down the issues involved, as well as an easy-to-use system to help kids rehearse and remember appropriate responses to help keep them safe, I Said No! covers a variety of topics, including:
What s appropriate and with whom.
How to deal with inappropriate behavior, bribes and threats."
    It is meant to be read with the child.
   Check out the reviews of the book to see how it was used.
    If nothing else the section on inappropriate behavior, bribes and threats will help you deal with the situation.

[Twoulair1934]

How about asking her what goes on? I don't really want a book, it may help but yeah. We are really close so I'd like to know a good way to ask her about it. She could still lie to me.

[Sandman2]

     Ok, I can understand that.   Check out this book.  I think you will find it helpful.
        http://www.amazon.com/Said-Guide-Keeping-Private-Parts/dp/1878076493/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=51PVUhBRKXL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=0P7QXTYRJQWV5HQHTZYZ

[Twoulair1934]

If I wanted to deal with it myself what can I do? Any advise?

[Sandman2]

   Frankly, the older brother is at an age where exploration/sex is now on his mind.  And, I think that the truth or dare game has probably only got one end purpose in mind.  Her parents need to know and absolutely put a stop to the game.  I wouldn't even bother asking what goes on.  The game should not go on period.