My daughter will be 8 this summer. Lately, her behavior has become more than I can deal with and I'm at my wits end. Some of it I assume is normal childhood behavior... occasionally talking back or rolling her eyes when I tell her to do something. Then there are the things she does that I can't see being normal for someone who is almost 8 years old. For one, she knows better than to take her hamster out without permission but took it to school one day with her. Her grades are great and her teachers have never had any problems with her... so it's only at home. Then I braided her hair and she got frustrated trying to take the braids out (I was in the bath and told her I would help when I got out but she wanted it done right then) so she took scissors and cut three of the front braids out, forcing me to cut her entire head extremely short. I asked if she wanted her hair short and she said no and didn't know why she cut off her braids. Then today I was in her bedroom trying to help her and her sister (who is 5 and shows none of these behaviors) clean and discovered she had peed in the closet and on the carpet near the window.
She will do things and then lie about them, even swearing on people's lives that she's telling the truth, even when I tell her half the time she gets punished it's BECAUSE she lied and not for what she actually did. Then the thing that worries me the most is she seems way too interested in sex. I've caught her with my massager (some little orange box thing my sister bought me for Christmas) down her underpants, I've been told by her sister that she puts things "in her butt" or inside herself, and that she made her sister and cousin (who is 6) "lick her".
I've asked her what is going on but she always says she doesn't know why she does the things she does. She's very impulsive, and gets frustrated quickly. I asked her if someone has ever touched her the wrong way and she denies it. I've asked her if she feels like I don't spend enough time with her (she is with me 24/7 as I am a stay at home mom) or if she's upset I am having another baby but she says no. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do any more. I'm so scared there is something wrong with her mentally... but she does so well in school. Any advice would be appreciated.
I think you should probably seek counseling for her. To be honest, nothing you are mentioning sounds terribly extreme-- but it would seem that overall your daughter has some frustrations and needs to learn some positive ways to deal with her feelings.
Sometimes, children who are very smart can be the most difficult ones to raise. Their temperments can be challenging-- they figure things out quicker than other children, and therefore act in ways that may be more challenging than other children to their parents.
I think a trip to a counselor for an evaluation would be a good idea, if for no other reason than to for you and she to learn more about what type of parenting will work best for her temperment.
"I've caught her with my massager (some little orange box thing my sister bought me for Christmas) down her underpants, I've been told by her sister that she puts things "in her butt" or inside herself, and that she made her sister and cousin (who is 6) "lick her".
I've asked her what is going on but she always says she doesn't know why she does the things she does. She's very impulsive, and gets frustrated quickly. I asked her if someone has ever touched her the wrong way and she denies it."
Children will not always tell if they have been sexually abused for many different reasons. Please start therapy with a female soon as possible.
Children usually do not perform oral sex or ask for it usless they have been exposed to it by someone else. It is more normal for children to touch theirselves or other children than it is to have oral sex. How would she have ever known that this might feel good? Has she been alone with anyone that could have touched her inappropriately?
I would not let her be unsupervised with other children until these behaviors are under control. I would also be careful who I told about this, just incase you are talking to the abuser without knowing it.
My daughters are with me 95% of the time, other than when they are in school. She used to visit at her aunt's house but after finding out she was living with a man who smokes crack and does other illegal activities, and allowed her boyfriends brother (who is registered on Megan's Law) to move in... I stoped allowing them to go there. I scheduled her a therapy appointment this Friday and hopefully they can shed some light on things for the both of us.
I do know (now... my niece told me) that her and her boyfriend would have sex in the room with my niece when she "was sleeping" because they only had a one bedroom apartment and shared a room, so maybe my niece introduced the oral sex thing to my daughter rather than the other way around.
I don't understand why she wouldn't tell me is someone was doing something wrong to her... I've told her many times it would never be her fault and she wouldn't have to be afraid to tell me because I would never let anyone hurt her (believe me when I say I would do 30 years in prison with a smile for murdering anyone who ever touched my girls... I was sexually abused myself as a child).
Some of the things she does realyl doesn't seem too terrible, but it's the things she does that just leaves me completely baffled as to why she does them (like peeing on the carpets in her bedroom when she is almost 8) that scares me. She KNOWS she isn't supposed to do something (which is why she lies about them) but she still does them and when I ask her why she says she really doesn't know why... she does them and then afterwards realizes she shouldn't have.
I just want to be able to help her if she needs it, and if this is normal behavior than at least a therapist can tell me that. I love her with everything I am, and I tell her that everyday, and she knows her and her sister are priority in my life, but I just don't know why she acts the way she does.
"She used to visit at her aunt's house but after finding out she was living with a man who smokes crack and does other illegal activities, and allowed her boyfriends brother (who is registered on Megan's Law) to move in..."
This sounds like an environment where she could have been molested. There are some sick people in this world.
There are many reasons why children do not disclose sexual abuse, including:
Fear of not being believed
Fear of being removed from home
Fear of loved one retaliating and that loved one being locked away
Threats of bodily harm to child or their family if they tell
Afraid that people will think it is their fault
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