Please help with my almost 4 year old

[d_smith_2000_2]

Could someone please tell me what i need to do i have a little girl that will be 4 in December.  She has a behavioral problem.  She has been like this since she was able to walk and talk.  For examples: when she was little she would pull the kitchen chair up to the table and get whatever she wanted out of the cabinet no matter how high up it is she would figure out how to do it then we hit the terrible 2 stage and that is what we thought it was so we just diplined her having timeouts and all .  But it gets worse i cant take her in public nowhere she shows her butt to i dont want to be seen with her .  I follow thur with the punishment that i tell her she is going to get.  And it does not get any better.  A couple more examples of things she does is that she has spray painted my truck i take her to other places and she some how finds things that she knows that she is not suppose to have and gets them and hides it ans runs with it.  She has took permanent marker and marked all over the walls.  She took a pair of scissors the other day when i told her to go for a nap and i went and tucked her in and she cut my spread bc she didnt want to take a nap and today she ripped up a box that i was suppose to have shipped out today and the people could not take it bc she ripped up the sticker. And when you ask her if she has done it she lies and lies and lies when you know she did it.  What can i do i have put her in time out i have took things away from her i have spanked her i have not let her go anywhere i have done it all and i just dont know what else to do seems like when i punish her it gets worse and worse instead of better

[Tattedprincess]

I have a 6 yr old daughter that acts like this and worse!  She has a TSS, which comes and helps her learn how to behave properly.  She still doesn't listen though!  Just two nites ago we went to Wendys for dinner and she threw her milk all over me!  I was so angry!  She has been diagnosed as Bipolar and having Sensory Processing Disorder.  Do you have like a Mental Health Unit in your area?  If so CALL THEM!  They will help you figure out what is wrong with your child and help you fix it.  By no means what so ever am I saying let them give her meds like she is a freaking guinea pig!  Cause that is what they did to my daughter and now she wieghs 100 pounds!  She also almost died on one med they gave her (Geodon)!  They do have counseling services that can help both of you!  I wish you all the best!  I know how it feels!

[tiredbuthappy]

Is this child supervised at all?
why does she have access to spray paint and enough time alone to get outside and paint your truck? why is she outside unsupervised? why does she have access to permanent markers? who is watching her while she is climbing on tables and into cabinets?

maybe i'm not getting the whole story, but based on what you describe she is undisciplined and insufficiently supervised. there are many things you can try, but i don't have time to list all the suggestions. i would suggest looking into a parenting class- they can help you learn the best way to discipline and prevent these problems. i have worked with many children like your child. markers on walls at home, smearing yogurt everywhere at home, throwing toys, destroying property, etc... These same children are very well behaved at school where the expecations are clear and the consequences are logical and consistent. Part of my training to become a teacher included a parenting class. The information I got from that class was extremely valuable and insightful.

[RockRose]

I totally agree with Tired.  

I'm confused by your story,  too.  A 3 year old who has unsupervised access to spray paint,  AND has unsupervised access to the truck?    

I think all three of my boys might have done stuff like that if no one ever watched them.  As it was,  I had lipstick in the carpet,  torn pages of books,  crayons on walls,  self-inflicted haircuts,  etc.

Kids do this stuff.  It really sounds your household isn't organized in a way that keeps the real dangers out of her hands.  

[babygirl6152]

what is her behavior like at school or with other adults?

Is she smarter than the average?
If she gets worse, as you said, when you try to discipline sometimes-  MAYBE it is to test you to see if you will give up- maybe not consciously but heck- she wants to control the house, and when anyone feels they are giving up control that they LOVE- they fight for it....now is the perfect opportunity for you to show no emotion and just flat out follow thru consistently- quit changing tactics, quit changing punishment ideas- set some rules and consequences- or rewards and don't change them for 90 days- 6 months at least. She very probably will get worse before she gets better. You will react with no emotion and you will not show annoyance- you will just deal with it- get it over with- and have a great day the next day- show her how to live the happy life....
She will not admit it now, but she wants boundaries.....she will honestly feel secure with boundaries and a rational nonemotional loving mother- Be frustrated, but share it with us, like you are doing now, not with her please...

[margypops]

Does this child get any supervision, many children would do some of the behaviors you describe , climbing on stools to go in cupboards for candy and cookies is a big attraction I have seen before, however she could be bored , how about games and reading and the Park and friends, Maybe at 4year old she is too old to take a nap, and again she will be bored it sounds as if she needs some positive attention . If there is a Dad around get him involved in playing with her.aswell.

[d_smith_2000_2]

She doesnt listen to anyone no one that keeps her

[tiredbuthappy]

good point margypops. she may need more constructive outlets for her energies.

[margypops]

You need to set rules and keep them if she disobeys use the time out method, however try to focus on her positive side  and keep her busy.

[d_smith_2000_2]

But to let everyone know she does get supervisied at all times yes like any mother my head is turned for a min to tend to my other kids but that is what you do when you are a mother you cant give all your attention to one. When i have to get someone else to take care of her for me to go and do the business that kids that cant go to she will not listen to them either So whats with that if everyone thinks it is just her not being supervised.  I cant trust her not to let her get out of my sight not even for a second  

[d_smith_2000_2]

ok the time out method you put her in time out to sit there for her 3 and 1/2 minutes which is her age as soon as you put her there she is out and i know not to start the time until she sits there and just to get her to sit in time out for just one minute it is a all day thing So what do you do when it comes to that And the only way that she will sit there for one second is if i stand over her the whole time but you cant do that when you have a two year old that you have to run around too i mean as soon as you turn your head to grab the other kid she is up running around the house and that means start over so what is your ideas on that one

[fightingwithspoons]

I can sympathize with you.  I have 2 children, a 3 year old and a infant.  My son is a maniac in the most artistic ways, he draws on the walls with his daddy's art pens (when daddy leaves them out believe me he gets to clean the walls when he leaves his art supplies in reach of our son)  He smears peanut butter or anything we give him to eat with a good sticky texture on the walls when he knows we aren't looking.  He will go into the bathroom and pour out all the shampoo on the toilet and when we catch him he is "cleaning" lol its funny to laugh at now, but when it happens of course I flip out.

My son didn't do time-outs very well either, just as you described, he would not sit still when I told him to.  We always moved his timeouts around, anywhere of convenience but now we have a designated chair in our hallway where there is nothing for him to look at and nothing for him to play with.  Since we did that, he takes his time-outs gracefully.  If he gets up, time starts over.  eventually they will learn that they will never leave that chair and get to play with their toys until they do their time. At first it was a fight but just be consistent and your child will learn!!  

Also, he had this big thing about drawing on the walls, with markers, food, anything he could get his hands on.  He still does it occasionally but he is a child I don't think there is any child that hasn't done something like that.  I created his own space where he can explore his creative side.  He has a wall he is allowed to color on, and we stocked up on a big craft kit for him that we bust out when he needs to vent.

Just hang in there, and keep trying your best.  I know what its like to have a wild 3 year old, you just need to figure out a good plan and STICK TO IT!   I also suggest organziing your home.  I had to do it when our son started walking around, and doing the climbing thing.  We had to put locks on everything.  My grandmother says that is no way to live, being a "prisoner" in our own home, but I dont mind having to open snap locks to get into the fridge or cupboards.  If taking 2 extra seconds to open a door means possibly preventing my son from drinking Mr Clean...then thats fine with me!  

good luck <3