Please help

[confused53]

My 9 year old Granddaughter has always been great in school. She started when she was 4 in preschool, then in preK, then kindegarten, then first grade, then second grade now she is in third grade. She is an A honor student. The problem is; for about 4 weeks now she has been crying from the time she wakes up in the morning till the time she gets out of the car at school. We are at our wits end trying to figure out what's wrong with her. Mommy has to work so I am the one who gets her ready for school and drops her off. We have questioned her about if she likes her teacher and she says she does, we have questioned if anyone is bullying her and she says no. We have asked her if anyone is bothering her and she says no. But she cries all morning and says I need my mommy. Please, does anyone have any suggestions on what might be going on with what used to be the sweetest little girl I know ?  It upsets me so much because I feel like something has happened to her and I don't know what it is and how to help her. She gets herself so upset that she is almost to the point of throwing up. Someone please help us.

[RockRose]

I'm not sure what the confusion is - she's telling you exactly what's wrong.  She wants her mother there in the morning.  That's what's bothering her.  

Can her mother switch her work schedule so she's there to get her up and see her to school?

[mandy3376]

I really can't agree with RockRose on that one.  I am a mother of two girls 8 and 6.  I also have 2 stepsons however they do not reside with us.  My 8 yr. old is also in 3rd grade and like your granddaughter has been an A student and very self sufficient.  She is also a sensitive person.  She has in the past few months started acting out.  I work from home so I know I can't blame her personality change on the fact that I don't drive her to school in the morning and pick her up.  My children have gone to a private school since pre-k and are very well adjusted and well rounded.  But like I said my 8 yr old is experiencing a change.  She is also crying more than usual, acting out more, trying to talk back, and throwing fits.  We have been having many talks because of this.  I posted on this site and Dr. Kennedy suggested a book SOS: help for parents by Lynn Clark.  I am going to invest in it for sure.  Sometimes I feel as though she is going through some changes right now.  Pre adolescent changes.  Hormones are kicking.  I am going to try and be more patient with her.  On another note for your granddaughter...My mother helped raise my sisters 2 kids from the time they were born.  She was always in their life.  Now that my sister has moved out and married my mother finds it hard to let my sister parent.  I am not insinuating that you are taking over the parenting role completely but I do feel that for the childs well being the major parenting needs to be left to the mother or father.  I see my sisters childrens behavior is effected by my mothers role in their life.  Grandparents do like to spoil the grand kids and let them get away with things they never allowed their children to get away with right? And they like to baby them which may aid her in crying more or for longer periods.  I do hope you can figure this one out but I also think that if we don't put so much emphasis on these things they will eventually get better.  

[mayflowers]

I think something has happened to her at school and I think it's a bully.  Can you talk with the principal or a teacher and see if they can give you any information?  Ask them to keep an eye on her and see who is bothering her.  Could be another student.  Kids will not "out" a bully for fear that it will just get worse for them.  Somebody probably told her that if she told anybody, they would do something very bad to her or her family.  It's very scary.  Good luck.

[foam970fed002]

This is a hard one. In a way I agree with both of the other advice given. I completely agree that she needs her mom more. Maybe if schedules can't be worked out with the mothers working, maybe she just needs some mother daughter time on the weekends. Maybe they can agree on you doing the school thing since she has to work, but then on the weekends or even in the evening she can spend some special time with her daughter. I have a problem sometimes with my 4 and a half step daughter. Her father works all the time, leaves early in the morning and usually gets home after they are asleep. It's hard for the children because they just miss their dad, whom used to be home with them more, and seeing them in the evenings. Often I find that his daughter is crying saying that she misses her dad. But then I remind her of the times that her dad has days off, or something special we are going to do when he gets home.

I also agree that maybe you are taking over as parent to this child. Maybe not meaning to, you are the one there for her, caring for her and getting her what she needs. Act more like a friend to her, take her to do fun things, maybe getting ice cream and talking about your and her day. What she liked what she didn't. Maybe bring up when you were in school and had a bad day. Tell her the story, and what you did, ask her if she's had any days like that, where she just wants to give up, or the day be over... might get her talking more.

She could also be being bullied at school, you could talk to her teacher and see if she's noticed a change in her behavior there at school, or noticed someone bothering her from time to time...

good luck

[confused53]

I forgot to mention, I only take her to school 2 days a week. Her mommy takes her the other days and she does that to her mommy also. They don't live with me. Her mommy drops her off on her days she has to go in early. And she is with her mommy every day after school. So I am not the main person in her life. We have asked her if anyone is bullying her at school and she said no, I think I might agree with Mandy3376. Her hormones might be kicking in. It just seems that it is so young for that to happen. Thanks for the comments.