Pooping in the potty

My son is 4 years old and he poops in his underwear all the time. He disappears into another room and poops or he picks at his bum and when i ask him if he has to poop he tells me he already has.  How can i get him to poop in the potty?  I also have a 18 month old daughter and the doctor said he could be pooping in his pants because his sister does it, but i am so frustrated and just want him to poop on the potty cause i am sick of cleaning his underwear. What can i do to get him pooping on the potty. I have tried the i will buy you a small toy trick and the i will give you a treat trick and they just do not seem to work. I am really frustrated and worried he will never poop and the potty. Someone please help me.

[cambugsmom]

My son will be 4 in June, I have tried everything to get him to poop in the potty...Rewarding him is the worst thing i've done, because if he doesn't get what is up for grabs he just finds a new interest. I've tried making him sit on the potty or just refusing to put a diaper in him, but he will hold it for a whole day and I can't let him suffer like that. He has no problem peeing in the potty at home, he goes completely on his own standing and everything. He always asks for a diaper when he has to poop, after he does, he just asks to be cleaned. I don't understand how he can know he has to go but just can't go to the potty to do it. Maybe if someone could just explain to me why that is I can do something or atleast be more patient.
I've put off potty training my 2 1/2 year old daughter because i was so comsumed by getting him trained, therefore, I make him help her...Take her to the bathroom, turn on the light, put the potty chair on for her, and then leave the room. Then I praise her for going, which she loves. So far he still has no interest.
He went out for the day with his Daddy and I made him go without a diaper. They were gone for around 6 hours. When they came back I was informed he hadn't gone at all, not even pee. He immediately wanted a diaper on, I put a diaper on and he went.
I don't know what else to do, I read everything everyone else had to say and I cried lol because every answer I have read is one I have already tried...

[heidijane75]

I am sure you have this resolved by now, but this is for new searchers. My 3-year old was fully potty trained in the "pee" department, but continued to poop her panties.  I was at my wits end.  I read somewhere, to take her to the store and let her pick out some panties that she likes.  However, she can't wear the panties until she poops in the potty. I also let her pick out a new potty, just in case she had a bad experience with the last.  She was upset at first when we got home because she wanted her new panties. But as I explained, she couldn't wear them until she pooped in the potty.  They very next day she pooped in the potty. She was so excited to wear her new panties.  The panties came in a pack of three, so everytime, she got to put on her "special" panties.  I can't believe how fast and well it worked.  Good luck to all.

[PhilAP]

Checking several sites on this topic I'm struck by the frustration expressed by parents and sense the stress the children involved are suffering.  Based on what I learned in an enlightening collage course on behavior, on a couple of generations of family's experience, and research,  I would like, as a lay person, to share some observations. I will post this in several related threads.

There are several reasons for panty pooping and wetting including revenge, revolting (pun intended), claustrophobia - not liking to be closed in small rooms, especially with a large stone mouth that can swallow a whole child, or a physical condition.  

I believe there is another reason to consider - are ready for this - ITS FUN!

One of the first things children independently master is bowel and bladder control. Some children, usually the smarter ones, master this function earlier than others and it may not be noticed by parents. The shift from involuntary to voluntary control is subtle. In an another wise boring time, being able on their own to relieve pressure and even pain by conscientiously spreading the legs a bit and filling underwear, and the resulting relief, pleasure and feeling, can rapidly become addicted behavior even imprinted. Toss in some erotic feelings (oh yes, your child has them) and an underwear fetish may develop (or may not).

"Fetishism" is characterized by sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies generally involving non-human objects.

To determine if panty pooping and/or wetting is a behavioral addiction requires some detective work.  
1) Hiding soiled underwear is a sign your child feels guilty about causing you problems, but not enough to stop the behavior.
2) Washing soiled pants is often seen as way to continue this behavior, eventually in private, without inconveniencing others.
3) An affirmative answer to any of these questions, asked in a relaxed and non-event environment, is a positive clue:
       A) "Is going in pants is more fun than using the toilet?"
       B) "Do you think I would enjoy going in my pants?"
       C) "Because you go in your pants lot is there a special type of underwear you would like?"  You might be surprised to receive an intelligent discourse on stretch, absorbency and band leg tension.  Your child is pretty smart!  Otherwise he or she wouldn't be in this mess (intended).

If you think you are dealing with addicted behavior, than you should make it clear that:
1) This type of behavior is different, however it is not uncommon or unhealthy if proper sanitary practices are followed.
2) Because most people don't understanding panty pooping it must be done in private, not in public, or in school, or when guests or playmates are around.
3) Pooping and peeing in public will influence how you are accepted by others resulting in devastating social problems that will effect your family, life and career - forever.
4) That this urge to poop and/or wet panties will start to go away as you get older and find the extra time and effort involved is not worth the results.  (It can increase if under stress or bored.)
5) And, by the way, don't wreck our furniture or floors!

Sorry, you can not beat an addiction or fetish out of a person.  Seriously harassing a young child can cause bonding stresses that may lead to RADish behavior. No, that's not something to eat. "Reactive Attachment Disorders stem from problems in the parent/child relationship in the earliest years. When infants and toddlers should be learning that their needs can be met by the people they are dependent upon, they learn instead that it's not safe to trust others - that to be dependent on others is not worthwhile. Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D" .  Shipping feral children to Russia is not an option for most folks.

It is important to not make this addictive behavior a bigger problem than it really is. Remember, this is not your child's fault! You're the one that missed or messed up the critical potty training window.  
1) You are going to have to accept the problem's existence, control it in low stress manner, and it will eventually go away. Or, more likely, be repressed.
2) Have pants available. A clear place to wash and dry. And make sure they know you are available to discuss anything, anytime.
3) Try to influence event frequency; maybe "every other time" progressing to "once a week", etc.
4) When shopping let them pick out their underwear.
5) Put some interesting magazines in the toilet. (If the kid doesn't read them your husband will.)
6) When they clearly don't do it in public anymore, try to have more friends, theirs and yours, around which will encourage more toilet use.
7) When mature enough explain the reasons behind this behavior, and maybe your role, and emphasize that it is not un-common.  Developing a good self image is important. Children should not think they are some kind of a freak.

Good luck finding a doctor, any kind, that isn't baffled by this "serious defecational defect". Their revulsion with messing around with crap overcomes logic. Your child will have a happy and successful life, if not with some professional help, then with the counsel you provide. Post if you do locate a competent professional who works with children's addictive behavior and fetishes.

Please do not use sugar to try to change behavior. Personally I would rather be with a happy other wise well adjusted adult, who may occasionally enjoy taking a secret dump in a pair of drawers, than a sugar addicted slob like you see blocking the aisles in Wal-Mart. Usually leaning on a large cart full of carbohydrates.