Post 2: Every other week visitation/4 year old behavior/Normal Development?

[Worried_Friend]

C told me he wants a new dad because his dad “keeps me from seeing U". He also told me he wants a new mom & sister named [my name]. This concerns me much. Then he began telling me a story of friend of his who punched him in the face. As he was telling me the story, he punched himself in face, twice, so hard that he had red marks on his face! I asked him what he did & he said he told his friend "U BE NICE!". I told him he should tell an adult bcuz nobody should ever hit anybody. My BF noted to me earlier in this outing that C had been CONSTANTLY chattering all morning & was about to drive him up a wall. I feel like C is, in a way, using me for an escape to a reality that he can't handle or deal with. I also feel that his comment about wanting a new dad is more like saying he doesn't want his dad in the picture so he can have my undivided attention. Once, BF & I were having dinner. C was sitting next to me. He said "But [my name], I just have to have a bite", then reached over & grabbed my pizza off my plate & took a bite, then put my pizza back on my plate (even though he had his own plate & his own food). BF says C knows this is wrong & rude, but C didn't appear to try to be devious or "bad". It was more like he couldn't help himself. He wants to be a good boy. I recognize this in him. I also recognize feelings of inadequacy, as if he wants to be really good & tries w/ all his might but just can't seem to make it happen & then gets a look of disappointment in himself on his face. Once, I was going to the bathroom (there's no lock on the door bcuz C locked himself in there 1 day, turned on the faucet & flooded the bathroom) & told him 3 times that he needed to stay out bcuz I needed privacy. He understood what I was saying, but a few seconds later, walked into the bathroom when I was on the toilet. I hollered at him to get out (not mean, but very firm). After hollering 3 times & then his dad calling him out, he finally left & closed the door, but then burst into tears & was disturbed by the incident. I believe he didn't understand what he'd done wrong, as if it simply doesn't "register". It happened while taking a shower, but I didn't get undressed bcuz I suspected he would come in. Again, he was told prior that I was taking a shower, needed private time, & he is not to come into the bathroom. Minutes later, he came walking in. Once at the movies he placed his hand on my breast & softly rubbed my breast. I moved his hand, but he moved it back. I moved it again & explained to him that those are my "private parts" & it is not appropriate for him to touch me there. He cried, was very disturbed, got mad & said "This is my private & U can't touch it", while pointing to his arm. It's like he has no concept of personal boundaries & when explained to him, he doesn't "get it", but it hurts his feelings & he’s sincerely disturbed by it instead, seeming to take it as a direct rejection. (Continued in post 3)

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

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