Potty Trained--Urination Only

My friend's 3 1/2 year old daughter has been potty trained for several months now; however, the child refuses to have a bowel movement in the toilet.  The child will hold her bowels while she is at daycare or at any other place until she gets home.  It is there that she demands to have a diaper put on her so that she can have a bowel movement.  My friend has gotten tough with her and withheld the diaper but it didn't work.  The child ended up holding her bowels for 10 days until my friend got worried.  What can be done about this, what causes this, and at what point should she seek help on this?  She had a similar problem with her older daughter (who is now 12).  One day this child decided not to have a bowel movement in the toilet and held it for about 2 weeks at which time they had to give her mineral oil but it was never as bad as this.
Christine

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Christine,

Your friend's daughter is actually not potty trained - otherwise she would not be displaying these behaviors. She's 'on the road' to being potty trained, but isn't there yet.

There are a couple of choices. Her parents can step back a bit and wait until the girl expresses more of an interest in accomplishing this developmental task. Too often, parents push or rush their children, and this rarely brings good results.

If they choose to force the issue a bit, they'll have to 'bite the bullet' and really mean it when they say that diapers will no longer be available. It's not a good idea to say this and then to backtrack - how can a child take the message seriously? Her parents' behavior gave the message: We're telling you that you won't be able to use diapers, but we don't really mean it."

It would probably be best to wait. If not, parents should consult with the pediatrician re: diet and use of stool softener, mineral oil, etc. to prevent the constipation that will occur if the girl refuses to use the toilet for some time. Often, children avoid the toilet because they've had an experience of constipation and using the toilet has proven painful or uncomfortable. Subsequently, they avoid the experience.

Just seeing if this works.

[Teresa]

I had this same problem with my daughter.  She would actually sneak upstairs and put on a pull-up diaper so that she could have a bowel movement.  I finally hid the diapers and cut back on the amount of dairy (mostly cheese) she was eating so she wouldn't feel constipated. She had a few accidents in her pants (and didn't like it).  About two weeks later, poof! (or should i say poop!) she magically started using the toilet.  I don't know if it was hiding the diapers or temporarily changing her diet (she is back to cheese & dairy)or if she just decided it was time but whatever happened, she is potty trained!!