Potty Training - 3 year old for BM

[Iris M]

We have a 3-year-old granddaughter that excels in every way.  She is very intelligent, has an incredible vocabulary, has been able to spell, read several words, count, know colors, shapes, since she was 2.  She even has her own computer and can manipulate her way through several different programs, etc. Strangers and friends are always in awe of her ability to converse and keep telling us how adorable she is.

However, she is a very strong-willed child and is very bossy and controlling.  She started sitting on the potty and knew what was expected when she was 16 months old.  At that time, she thought it was alot of fun.  However, she only started urinating in the toilet on a fairly regular basis lately.  She is always so proud of wearing panties and shows everyone that she is wearing panties.  

She knows she is supposed to go "poo-poo" in the potty and even explains why, but she refuses to do it.  We have tried everything, rewards like stickers, taking her places, praising, but nothing seems to help.  She even uses reverse psychology on us, like "I want to get a rash" because we used certain reasons why she should get out of diapers and she turns them around on us.    

Whenever she needs to have a BM, she goes into a room and closes a door or hides behind something and goes in her pull-ups or panties.  She does it every night.  Also, as a last resort when she runs out of excuses not to go to sleep.  She knows that will get someone into her room!  

She had a bowel movement in the potty on one occasion several months ago and called us up on the phone.  She was so excited and kept telling us over and over what she did and how happy she was!  Yet, it never happened again.  One day last week, her other grandmother caught her going in her pants and put her immediately on the potty so she would have to finish there, and she made a comment that her "body was leaving her".  She has also told her father that she is afraid to go.  He has lost patience and threatens to spank her when she goes, but even that doesn't change things.

HELP!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Irsi M,

There's really no need to worry. Many children have not completed their potty training by the age of three. She's doing fine, and will complete the process at her pace. If those around her display too much concern or anxiety about the process (and there definitely should be no punishment of any kind involved), it will only extend the time she takes to complete her toilet training. Take a casual, supportive approach and she'll do fine.

[carri]

My son is turning 4 in 2 weeks and only 2 weeks ago decided that he would have his BM on the toilet.  Up to that point we would use diapers for when he need to have a BM.  He would hold it until he could not anymore, and cry and whine when it came time to have it.  He wore underwear until we knew he had to have a BM.  We watched for behavior change like more cuddly, and whiney and knew that he needed to go and put on the diaper. It took about 9 months to get to this point.  Now it is almost like he can do it on demand now if he wants to.  My parents also told him he could not go with them on their trip to the lake with out mom or dad until he has the BM's on the toilet routinely, which I think helped alot.   We just let him go with the flow.  We found getting angry made it worse, and we refused to let him do it in his underwear because that was more work for all involved.  We just watched for behavior changes and the amount time that passed since the last one.

Hope this helps that she is not the only one.

[Goldrush]

A related discussion, 3-year-old refuses BM on toilet was started.