Potty Training Issues

My 4 1/2 year old son stays dry all day at preschool but immediately soils his diaper before we get through the front door. We have tried setting a 30 minute timer, he will urinate just minutes before the timer goes off. They use a 10, 12 and 2 schedule at pre-k, so we continued that at home, 4, 6 and 8. Again, he would soil his diaper just before it was time to go. He has only had one bowel movement in the toilet, and that was because I noticed him start to concentrate and ran with him to the potty. He will go pee on the toilet (instigated by the potty timer or because "mom said so") only to do a bowel movement in his diaper five minutes later.  I have tried putting him in regular underwear but he still has a bowel movement. I know he's gone because of the smell, not because of his reaction to filling his pants. We've tried the reward system and it worked for one day, but never with a bowel movement. The frustration levels for his father and I are at an all time high.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I probably don't have to tell you that letting yourself become frustrated is not going to help. It's only going to interfere with the parent/child relationship and only worsen the problem. Stay calm and relax. This will get solved. Use the schedule as much as you can, and continue to use a reward system - i.e., when he uses the potty, reward him. Make judicious use of children's videos and story books designed to help with this process. If he has a neighbor or friend who has recently been trained, enlist (via the child's parents) the encouragement of the child.