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Problems with 2 year old son.
I have a few problems with my two year old son. His father and I are not together because he was a very abusive man and I left him when our son was 3 months old. He still visits his father every other weekend, and seems to have a good relationship with him. He is always excited about seeing his father and doesn't seem the least little bit concerned to see me go. So I don't worry about his father abusing him because it would seem like he would show hesitation about wanting to be with his father. He also spends a lot of time with his father's mother because I work and go to college and she keeps him for me. They all "spoil" him and let him have his every wish. My son has slept in his own bed under my roof every since he was born; however, when he stays with his father or grandmother he always gets to sleep in the bed with them because they say he throws a fit and won't sleep on his own. Every time he comes back from a visit for several days I have trouble getting him to bed. He will go very willingly and enjoy our nightly routine of turning out his light and looking at the glow in the dark stars on the wall and singing, giving goodnight kisses etc etc. But the second I leave his room he begins screaming I have stayed firm on this and he always eventually falls asleep on his own. Now, here is one of the things that really bothers me. I am a loving mother, but I am stern. I make him mind and if he doesn't mind then he gets punished. I do not think it is wrong in certain situations to swat him on the leg, but his father and grandmother don't try to control him. When I drop him off with his grandmother he goes quietly and always kisses and hugs me goodbye and smiles and waves as I'm leaving. When I return the next day to get him it is a battle from hell to get him to go with me. Like today I met them at Wal-Mart. It was so embarassing. I had to end up having his grandfather carry him out to the car to strap him in his seat after he screamed like I was beating him, slapped me 3 times in the face, very hardly I might add, and kicked at me. This happens every time. As soon as they are out of view it ceases and he is fine. I do not understand this. It makes me feel terrible and makes me feel like they think I must treat him terribly for him to behave like that and not want to go with me when I try to pick him up. Why does he do this? I would understand that kind of behavior if I was mean to him, but maybe he thinks I am mean compared to them because they don't make him behave. I don't know what to think, but I'm tired of feeling like the bad guy. I vaguely remember something from my psychology class about deciphering a parent child relationship by the way the child acts when the parent leaves and when they return. I must not have been paying too much attention because I don't remember it fully. He is fine when I drop him off. He hugs and kisses me, he doesn't cry but he doesn't ignore me, but then when I return it's like I'm his worst enemy! What gives??
Hello AVEW,
I have 2 kids, and my husband has 1, and WE have 1, which is 18 months right now. We have SO many issues with his son, who is 11 and my kids (14 & 10) are very well behaved, very well mannered. My 18 mo. son is a very sweet, bright little boy, but he is also VERY testing. I am a very firm parent, I believe in being proactive to their behavior, not reactive. My husband isn't, which is why we have so many problems with his son. He lies about everything, steals anything he can, no respect for other people's property but he is very "sweet" natured, if you can believe it. He is not verbally mean. I have ALWAYS set boundaries for my kids, and expect them to respect them, and if they don't there is a consequence for it. I am VERY consistent with those rules and consequences, which is why I don't have any issues with my kids, but my husband has never had rules or boundaries and has never been consistent with his older son, and I believe that is why is the way he is, because he COULD be. I usually do a time-out first, if it continues, the consequences get harder. I do not believe in beating a child, but I do swat my children, and if there is consistency with kids, they figure it out real fast and there is hardly any consequences. Make sense?
I honestly think you need to set some serious ground rules for her, espeically with her disrespect and hitting. I know it is possible, my 18 mo old is very considerate and does things when asked, and if not, I get a firm voice and tell him again, if he doesn't do it, and let's say he walks off, I will walk over in front of him, and repeat my self and walk him over to do it. My 18 mo old has had his hand slapped a few times for touching things he has been told not to, guess what, he doesn't touch them anymore. I'm not talking about hard, but a smack on the hand to get his attention.
I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet, but it might also be the first signs that she might have ADHD, especially if she won't sit still while you do hr hair and runs around like that, I personally don't think it's typical behavior. Testing you, and testing your limits are typical behavior, but if you don't have any rules or boundaries, then she's never going to learn them to be able to behave for you.
My BEST advice is to set ground rules and PLEASE make sure you stay consitent with those rules, no matter how hard it seems, trust me it will pay off sooner than you think. When my 14 yo was little, she had fast growing hair and used to fight me, and if she stood up, I'd sit her down, if she did it again, I'd get a firmer voice and tell her to sit and make her sit, if there was a third time, she got a quik swat on her diapered rear-end. If she tried to pull the hair tie out, I would take her hand away and tell her no, kind of the same thing. My kids learned that I mean what I say and if they broke the rules, there was a consequence. I was able to stop my kids in their tracks with just a look, and they knew what that look meant. I have had lots of people in awe because of it, and the only thing I can contribute it to, is being consistent, and sometimes to the point it hurts!!!! Good luck!!!
I have 2 kids, and my husband has 1, and WE have 1, which is 18 months right now. We have SO many issues with his son, who is 11 and my kids (14 & 10) are very well behaved, very well mannered. My 18 mo. son is a very sweet, bright little boy, but he is also VERY testing. I am a very firm parent, I believe in being proactive to their behavior, not reactive. My husband isn't, which is why we have so many problems with his son. He lies about everything, steals anything he can, no respect for other people's property but he is very "sweet" natured, if you can believe it. He is not verbally mean. I have ALWAYS set boundaries for my kids, and expect them to respect them, and if they don't there is a consequence for it. I am VERY consistent with those rules and consequences, which is why I don't have any issues with my kids, but my husband has never had rules or boundaries and has never been consistent with his older son, and I believe that is why is the way he is, because he COULD be. I usually do a time-out first, if it continues, the consequences get harder. I do not believe in beating a child, but I do swat my children, and if there is consistency with kids, they figure it out real fast and there is hardly any consequences. Make sense?
I honestly think you need to set some serious ground rules for her, espeically with her disrespect and hitting. I know it is possible, my 18 mo old is very considerate and does things when asked, and if not, I get a firm voice and tell him again, if he doesn't do it, and let's say he walks off, I will walk over in front of him, and repeat my self and walk him over to do it. My 18 mo old has had his hand slapped a few times for touching things he has been told not to, guess what, he doesn't touch them anymore. I'm not talking about hard, but a smack on the hand to get his attention.
I am not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet, but it might also be the first signs that she might have ADHD, especially if she won't sit still while you do hr hair and runs around like that, I personally don't think it's typical behavior. Testing you, and testing your limits are typical behavior, but if you don't have any rules or boundaries, then she's never going to learn them to be able to behave for you.
My BEST advice is to set ground rules and PLEASE make sure you stay consitent with those rules, no matter how hard it seems, trust me it will pay off sooner than you think. When my 14 yo was little, she had fast growing hair and used to fight me, and if she stood up, I'd sit her down, if she did it again, I'd get a firmer voice and tell her to sit and make her sit, if there was a third time, she got a quik swat on her diapered rear-end. If she tried to pull the hair tie out, I would take her hand away and tell her no, kind of the same thing. My kids learned that I mean what I say and if they broke the rules, there was a consequence. I was able to stop my kids in their tracks with just a look, and they knew what that look meant. I have had lots of people in awe because of it, and the only thing I can contribute it to, is being consistent, and sometimes to the point it hurts!!!! Good luck!!!
I HAVE A TWO YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WHO IS TOTAL OUT OF CONTROL SHE HITS SCREAMS TO THE TOP OF HER LUNGS AND THROWS THINGS AROUND WHEN SHE GETS MAD AND TRYING TO GET HER TO SLEEP AT NIGHT IS IMPOSABLE SHE DONT GO TO SLEEP UNTIL 11:00 OR SOMETIME 12:00 AM MY HUSBAND AND I BOTH HAVE FULL TIME JOBS SO IM VERY TIRED WHEN I COME HOME AFTER DEALING WITH THE MENTAL DISABLED MY DAUGHTER WILL NOT PLAY WITH HER TOYS THE ONLY THING THAT SAVES ME SOMETIMES IS THE CARTOONS WHICH I HAVE ON 24/7 JUST TO TRY AND GET SOME RELEIF I CAN NOT TAKE HER TO ANY SHOPPING CENTERS BECAUSE SHE WILL RUN ALL AROUND THE STORE SCREAM ABOUT EVERYTHING WE CANT GO TO ANY SUPERMARKET BECAUSE SHE WILL PULL ON OTHER PEOPLES CARTS AND HIT PEOPLE AS THEY WALK BY WHEN I TRY AND DO HER HAIR SHE JUMPS UP AND SHAKES HER HEAR TO STOP ME FROM DOING HER HAIR WHICH WILL TAKE ME ABOUT 2 HOURS TO FINISH I DONT HAVE ANY HELP WITH HER FROM FAMILY OR FRIENDS BECAUSE OF HER BEHAVIOR NO ONE WANTS TO WATCH HER THE ONLY HELP I HAD WAS MY BROTHER AND NOW HE IS DECEASED I SPOKE WITH HER DOCTOR AND SHE TOLD ME HER BEHAVIOR WAS NORMAL FOR A TWO YEAR OLD I CANT EVEN TAKE HER TO MY FRIENDS HOUSE BECAUSE SHE WILL DESTROY THERE PROPERTY I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO IF ANY BODY CAN GIVE ME ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS TWO YEAR OLD PLEASE LET ME KNOW I ALSO HAVE A 14 YEAR OLD WHO WAS SO DIFFERENT FROM THIS TWO YEAR OLD I CANT LEAVE THEM TWO ALONE BECAUSE THE TWO YEAR OLD IS SO ABUSIVE TO THE 14 YEAR OLD SHE PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE SCRATCHES HER PULLS HER HAIR THROWS HER TOYS AT HER I CRY ALL THE TIME MY HUSBAND WHO COMES FROM A BIG FAMILY SEEMS NOT TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER BEHAVIOR HE SAYS SHE JUST BEING A TWO YEAR OLD AGAIN IF ANYBODY HAVE ANY ADVICE PLEASE LET ME KNOW
i forgot to tell you that i left his father for 6 months last year an he told me that he had changed and stoped drinking so i went back to him everything was alright for 3 months then everything went down hill so i gave him 3 months to improve and things didn't so thats when i left him again.
ok first of all. i left an menalty and physicaly abusive relationship almost a year ago now. i moved in with my parents (grandparents spoiled him of coures)for 6 months and took care of another little boy 2years old for 3 months 24/7 (cousin went fishing) and a month later we moved in to our own place with my boyfriend (who he calls dad). its been about almost 5 months now. we still visit my parents as often as possable.
his real father has 3 other children (2 girls 13, 11yrs and 1 other boy 3yrs) with 2 other mothers. his father started to see him about 5 months ago court ordered
he is screaming, telling him NO, hitting and kicking my boyfriend(who he calls dad).in the morning if he wakes up before me he opens his door and starts screeming NO..... MOM. when i am around and when they go for walks he is usually well behaived.i have yet to see my boyfriend harm my son.
when we go see my sister and her 3 girls on the way home he screams and kicks and hitsme most of the way home sometimes and screams i don't want to...then hes fine and dandy when he gets in the house. we spend time with him and we don't ignor him we play with him , we disapline him (corners, bedroom, sit in one spot). he's also a bit of a bully to other Childern mainly to girls in his age group.
oh he has just recentely seen his father roughly about a week ago for 2 days (not over night, day time only) with his fathers new girlfriend and his 3 yr old son
his real father has 3 other children (2 girls 13, 11yrs and 1 other boy 3yrs) with 2 other mothers. his father started to see him about 5 months ago court ordered
he is screaming, telling him NO, hitting and kicking my boyfriend(who he calls dad).in the morning if he wakes up before me he opens his door and starts screeming NO..... MOM. when i am around and when they go for walks he is usually well behaived.i have yet to see my boyfriend harm my son.
when we go see my sister and her 3 girls on the way home he screams and kicks and hitsme most of the way home sometimes and screams i don't want to...then hes fine and dandy when he gets in the house. we spend time with him and we don't ignor him we play with him , we disapline him (corners, bedroom, sit in one spot). he's also a bit of a bully to other Childern mainly to girls in his age group.
oh he has just recentely seen his father roughly about a week ago for 2 days (not over night, day time only) with his fathers new girlfriend and his 3 yr old son
My son would do this when leaving Grandma and Grandpa's house, they are my daycare. We set up a routine where I call when I am leaving work so they can get him ready for me to pick up--such as changing into his going home clothes or what not--but it is transition time. It takes me about 8 minutes to get to their house. Then they meet me in the screen house and we go to the car. It is not perfect every time but it helps establish that they are going home.( I know have two boys 4 & 2).
He probalby is throwing the trantrum because he knows that his free for all time is done and now he needs to listen a little more than usual. What kid would wnat to leave fun time all the time? They understand at this age what they can get away with and what they can't.
If it is in a public place-you may need grandma or grandpa to walk him to the car and strap him in for you--less of a scene until he gets a little older.
I don't know if you are on good terms with your ex or not, but maybe all of you can sit down and lay some ground rules that everyone will follow that will be consistent for the little guy. That way you will all get the same behavior.
I hope this helps.
He probalby is throwing the trantrum because he knows that his free for all time is done and now he needs to listen a little more than usual. What kid would wnat to leave fun time all the time? They understand at this age what they can get away with and what they can't.
If it is in a public place-you may need grandma or grandpa to walk him to the car and strap him in for you--less of a scene until he gets a little older.
I don't know if you are on good terms with your ex or not, but maybe all of you can sit down and lay some ground rules that everyone will follow that will be consistent for the little guy. That way you will all get the same behavior.
I hope this helps.
I forgot to tell you to discipline my DD i dont give to my DD what she wants but at the same time explain severals time to her why she is not getting what she wants. Children are claver and they understand and also i say to my DD are you at muosster?, and she is afraid of moster and she say not i am not a moster, i say to her well moster and horribles animals behave in that way and you are a lovely girls.. are you? and she says yes i am lovely girls and i say to her ok give me a kiss. This has worked with me just i want to share with you this. Good luck again.
Please dont misundertand me but dont hit him that its abuse, he can understand discipline without hitting him, talking and discipline him like that doctor say, in my case i dont give to my DD what she wants o no t.v. with her favority show. I know that you can get tired of his behavior and just react in that way but like the Doctor say hitting is no useful and necessary. Please children should not be hitted in any moment. Good luck.
Sorry for my english is not my first languaje.
Sorry for my english is not my first languaje.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
It is important to remember that typical two-year-olds are pretty much pleasure-seeking and egocentric beings. And they, like all children, benefit from steady routines that are consistent. It must be very difficult for your son to adapt to the varying standards that prevail in his different settings: your home, his father's home, his grandmother's home. It's too much to expect that he is going to be able to make these transitions without any difficulty. The main problem is that the adults in the situation are not on the same page, so to speak, regarding limit setting.
Now grandparents generally have the benefit of 'spoiling' their grandchildren. But this is not so when they are acting really as surrogate parents, like they are in your case. Your son is only reacting to the reality of his environment. His behaviotr at the transition is simply an indication that it is hard for him to make the change. It is not a reflection on you. You should maintain your behavioral expectations.
I would suggest that you stop hitting him as a form of discipline. It's neither necessary nor useful. Substitute time out in place of physical punishment. And, when it's time for him to leave your grandparents, have one of them walk him to your car and get him settled into the car seat. This may assist him in accomplishing that transition without so much difficulty.
Now grandparents generally have the benefit of 'spoiling' their grandchildren. But this is not so when they are acting really as surrogate parents, like they are in your case. Your son is only reacting to the reality of his environment. His behaviotr at the transition is simply an indication that it is hard for him to make the change. It is not a reflection on you. You should maintain your behavioral expectations.
I would suggest that you stop hitting him as a form of discipline. It's neither necessary nor useful. Substitute time out in place of physical punishment. And, when it's time for him to leave your grandparents, have one of them walk him to your car and get him settled into the car seat. This may assist him in accomplishing that transition without so much difficulty.
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