My husband and I are in the middle of a nightmare situation. He has a 6 year old boy (almost 7) in the first grade. His younger sister and him live with us every other week. It used to be every other weekend, but his mom (my husbands exwife) was struggling with the kids listening to her. She knows that they are a discipline problem and the kids have always respected and listened to their father much better than her. Therefore, their mom asked that they start living with us at least 50% of the time.
Our Son has been sent home from school almost everyday with a bad report. Lying, stealing, etc. We've spent alot of time at church, talking to him, encouraging him, taking things away, etc. My husband has never really wanted to spank the children. I told him that they need to have something done. My husband and I talked to the mother of the kids and she agreed to have my husband swat our son on the bottom 3 times with a belt. We sat our son down and explained to him that this was going to happen and why. He understood. My husband then proceeded to do so and then we further talked to our son about it. He promised he'd be more respectful. He has not had a single bad report since and it's been 3 weeks.
However someone, not the mother called child abuse on my husband. My husband was arrested and he cannot see his son. We are awaiting trial (the DA has not said if they are prosecuting or not) and our son is begging to see his dad. However, I have to make up every excuse in the book as to why he cannot see him.
Our concern is that our son will have some sort of trauma from being away from his father for so long and crying about it every night. Also his tball starts this week and why his daddy isn't there to warm up with? I just need some advice on how to get through this rough time and how we can make sure our son is not affected by this. We are so scared to ever punish our children now and we feel that the courts, DHS and everyone won't even take the time to read the reports to see that this is not child abuse. They are not wanting to do anything until trial which is still another month away. Our son can't possibly understand why he can't see his dad. And would it be wise to explain to our son what is going on? We don't want him thinking that it is illegal to punish him, but we don't want him thinking his dad has abandoned him. Please help our family get through this heartbreaking time.
I am truly sorry about how the system is failing you. Do you have a lawyer if so try to get supervised visits with him explain as much as you can but try to avoid placing blame anywhere. Remember to tell him you love him and all will work out. GET A LAWYER set up visit with supervision before he thinks he is a bad kid and all this must be his fault
this is why I am moving slowly on my question posted earlier I wont have the system fail this child again
Some of your story doesn't make sense, and I agree with concerned - you need to get a lawyer. Your post shows you don't fully understand the law.
If you are awaiting trial and have a trial date set, the DA has decided to prosecute and your husband has been charged with a crime. If the DA had not yet decided to prosecute, there would be no trial date. Are you sure it's a trial date coming up?
You need a lawyer who will help you discover the cause of charges against your husband. I think the greatest possibilty is that someone at his school called the authorities because he had bruises.
You need to know what you're facing and not go into this blind.
And I think you should be honest with the boy. The reason your dad can't see you is because he's been arrested because the police think he abused you. And then say we both love you forever, and eventually we'll get through this time.
When you spank a child with a belt, you leave marks, and that leaves you open to criminal charges. This is probably too late to tell you.
What I don't understand is, is why your husband decided to use a belt to swat your stepson. I read in your story that you encouraged him to dicipline your stepson. Can I ask if you were swatted with a belt when you were a child?
Your stepson should be told what is going on with his father. You should consult with a child therapist about this. If this goes to trial then your stepson will probably be questioned about what has happened to him.
I wish your family the best of luck with this situation. I hope that in the future you will think twice before you allow your husband or yourself to swat your child with a belt. This is just my opinion, but I do not feel that children should be hit with objects.
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