Putting baby down to sleep.

My baby is now almost 6 months and almost 21 lbs. I am having a lot of trouble putting him donw to sleep for the evenings. The only way he will go to sleep is if I breastfeed him or give him the bottle. Once he is sound asleep only then can I transfer him to the crib on his stomach. If I try putting him on his back to sleep he wakes up emmediatly and then will start crying and eventually screaming!! The last feeding is at around 10:30pm and then he wakes up againg at 3am, 5am, 7am. I have tried waiting to see if he will go back to sleep on his own and then I tried rocking him and nothing works! execpt for the breast! or bottle and once againg when he is sound asleep I am able to put him down in his crib.
I want him to learn to fall asleep on his own and stay asleep until at least 6am and stop all the middle of the night feedings, but I don't want him to be hungry and cry. Should I let him cry it out? and for how long at at a time?? and how long will this method take?? is it recomended?? or will I make of him an insecure chield later on by doing this?? I would apreciate any advice on this urgent matter.
Thank you in advace

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Infants vary in relation to sleeping through the night. Approximately 7 out of 10 can sleep through the night by the age of 9 months. Now, an important consideration is the definition of 'sleeping through the night'. If you think of that as meaning from 11:00 pm or so until 5:00 am, that is pretty reasonable. The most important thing is to develop a soothing bedtime routine and sticking with it. When you put him to bed intially you should permit him to 'cry himself to sleep'. If you continually rock him you will essentially be 'teaching' him that this is necessary for him to go to sleep. It's perfectly OK if this takes some time. You will not be hurting him or causing him future problems. In fact, you'll actually be helping him (as well as yourself).

[jd1419]

Is he eating baby food yet?  I am asking for maybe he is hungry becasue he is growing so much.  If he is not eating then try and introduce food to him that way he may not demand to be nursed so much.  I always gave my little guys some rice cereal before bed to keep their tummies full.  It helped a lot.  Also unless he is totally screaming and causing himself to choke/lose air--like a trantum--don't pikc him up at night, just let him know you are there and rub his back.  I hope it works for you

[chony]

No I have not yet introduced solids yet but will be in a week or two as soon as he turns 6 months. Maybe I should start with the cereal, but since he is already so chubby, I don't know if I should?? I heard cereal makes babies even chubbier?? is this true??
Today I tried putting him down after I fed him for his noon nap and he cried himself to sleep, however it took about 30 minutes of continioud crying and it was hard for me and to make things worse he did not sleep as long as he usually does. However when I tried again for the evening, this time crying it out did not work he completely escalated from a soft wine to a hysterical screaming that got gradually louder and louder and would not calm down after 30 minutes and broke out into a swet?? how long is it ok to let him cry and should it not work the other way around he starts off strong and then eventually calms down??
thank you in advance for any advice on the matter
chony

[alec'smom]

You are not alone - questions about infant sleep and sleeping through the night is the most common question and concern.  I have 2 children - 4 and 6.  My son was by far the most difficult when it came to sleeping as an infant.  I think I purchased 6 or 7 sleep books with every possible technique out there to get your baby to sleep through the night and I think I tried them all.  My friends babies would cry for 15 minutes before falling asleep on their own.  Not my child, the longest I let him cry was for 2 hours and he never went to sleep.  I finally ran across one sentence in one of my sleep books when my son was 16 months old  (still not falling asleep on his own at that time) that stated some infants and toddlers are truely terrified with their door shut, but cannot speak to voice that fear.  They feel like you are gone when the door is shut.  That night I opened the door to his room and we never had a problem again.  At 6 he still sleeps with his door open.  Now my daughter on the other hand had no problems falling asleep on her own (starting at about 7 or 8 months).  If she cried, it was for 5 or 10 minutes.  At 6 months, separation anixety has not set in yet so it probably is not a fear, but you gotta listen to your heart and your child.  Every baby really is different, something that works for one will not work for another.  Listening to your baby histerical breaking out in a sweat at such a young age is hard.  There are a lot of techniques to help you make a gradual change - other than to go from nursing and rocking to sleep to all out crying it out - jump on the internet and look up some other options.  Good Luck - this too will pass so quickly you will not even remember it being a problem!  

[alec'smom]

Oh and forget the cereal.  The American Pediatric Association now recommends that you skip the cereal and start feeding fruits and veggies at 6 months.  Cereal is nothing but carbs.  Your baby will thin out after he starts crawling.

[Matts_Mom29]

I would give him rice cereal, fruits and vegetables do not fill them up.  Try giving him a couple of tablespoons full mixed with either formula. breastmilk or water at around 8pm.  I don't believe that there is such a thing as a chubby baby, it's called baby fat for a reason and toddlers, boys especially become so active that they burn off a lot of calories and lose that baby fat very easily.  At 6 months old they don't really do much of anything (as far as exercise) so they are often chubbier.  

Babies have always been started on rice cereal.  Next they try oatmeal, then veggies and after that fruit.  Rule of thumb is to stick to one thing for a few days and not offer different things at the same time.  If you start with more than one thing and they have a reaction to it you will have no idea which food they are reacting to.  It's crazy to me that anyone would change what has been working for years and I would really love to me the "THEY" in "They say"!!  If it ain't broke don't fix it!!  Obesity is not caused by what foods a child is introduced to first.  That's just my opinion.

[mom2rachie]

I am very discouraged that the Dr on this forum suggested letting him cry himself to sleep and the fact that he posted this:

When you put him to bed intially you should permit him to 'cry himself to sleep'. If you continually rock him you will essentially be 'teaching' him that this is necessary for him to go to sleep. It's perfectly OK if this takes some time. You will not be hurting him or causing him future problems. In fact, you'll actually be helping him (as well as yourself).

Please look into buying the book called The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Or even look into getting some material by Dr. Sears and his wife.  It really goes into the long term psychological effects on crying it out. I have a 10 month old DD who refuses to sleep through the night and even though I am exhausted, extremely exhausted, I do not let her cry it out. My parenting doesn't stop at night just because I need a good night's sleep. There are many ways you can fix this problem without allowing your child to suffer and that's what it is, in my opinion, suffering. Even Dr. Ferber has changed his views on his original method.
I would like to share with you an excerpt from the book on exactly what goes on when you allow a baby, and your 6 month old is still a baby, to cry it out:

"He awakes in a mindless terror of the silence, the motionless. He screams. He is afire from head to foot, with want, with desire, with intolerable impatience. He gasps for breath and screams until his head if filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside. He listens. He opens and closes his fists. He rolls his head from side to side. NOTHING HELPS. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again, but it is too much for his strained throat; he soon stops. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops, able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. He listens. He falls asleep again."

Babies have one way of communicating that they need you, and that is to cry. If we don't go to them when they need us, we are only teaching them that they can't count onus at an early age and that stays with them forever. They do not have the thought process that we have. They have an overwhelming need throughout their whole body to have comfort and our job as parents is to give them that comfort. I know how much my head hurts after a hard cry so I cannot imagine how it feels for an infant.
A good night's sleep isn't worth it to me to put my child through this because I can't figure out a better way to get her to sleep through the night. There HAS to be a better way.
What I TRY to do every night and keep a schedule so she knows certain things mean bed time, like bathing her then massaging her then feeding her. When I nurse her before she goes to bed, I play soothing night time sleepy music by Baby Einstein and she loves it. I place her down while she is drowsy not fully asleep so she knows how to put herself to sleep. Some nights are better than others but we're trying.
I tried it once and my DD was shaking and hiccuping in the aftermath of her sobbing. I though, This is responding to her needs? This is nurturing? This is teaching her that the world is worthy of her love and trust?? In my humble opinion, to allow a baby to suffer through pain and fear until she resigns herself to sleep is heartless and, for me unthinkable!....

[D99G03]

I just want to say that my son was typical birth weight at 8 lbs. 12 oz. but 22 1/2 in. long.  His growth SOARED during his first year and by 5-6 mo. he was 20 lbs. and at his 12 month check-up he weighed in at 33 1/2 lbs.  I did everything the doctor suggested, formula, cereal, fruits, veggies etc.  The only thing I did (on my own) was instead of the suggested 4 mo., at 3 mo. I started cereal.  I had to because he was hungry all the time (every time I turned around he'd down another 8 oz. bottle) due to his size.  Now I will say that I was not a stupid new mom either.  I had been around kids forever and run a home daycare myself, so I had been around the blcok here ... this kid was hungry.

Now, the reason I feel compelled to write in on this suject ... my son is now 8 and we go every 4 weeks for weight checks because he is bordering on too THIN!!  He has not gained weight in 18 mo. and is 60 lbs. ... and at his height the doc says he is fine, but we want him no thinner.  He looks like he is all skin and bones, but then I look at other little boys in school and they look the same if not similar in build.  I just want to say that if a child is larger in size as an infant, it is not ALWAYS an indicator of things to come.  My son eats and he eats pretty healthy as well.  He does not like candy or ice cream (imagine??) but does like chips and junk like that which I do not buy unless we have a special occassion so they are real treats.  Cereal is only Cheerios and Kix no sugary stuff etc.

I think that as long as you are filling a child with healthy food, then feed them if they are hungry.  A child so young will stop when they have had enough.  Just my 2 cents!!  Best of luck!

[chony]

I agree with you!!! soon after trying this outdated method of letting him "cry it out" two or three times, I realized that it would not be a solution for us, My baby is stubbern and would not give up after 30 minutes of crying and I refuse to let it go any longer. Yes, it can be tirering but that is what parenting is all about. I guess my mayor issue is not so much putting him to sleep initially in the evenings, that I manage rather well. We have out little routine, but rather the constant wakings that come systematically soon after he has been put to bed.  I have noticed he just wakes up to barely breastfeed and then goes right back to sleep. The problem, however is that if I change the routine and try rocking him instead he only gets agitated and will wake completely up and then will start crying untill I finaly feed him, oh and the patting on the back does not work!!
thank you in advanc efor any advice on the matter
chony

[Popaman]

Hi - I read an interesting article on BabyMeTV.com under the parenting area - see
the column called Momma Talk.  The mom columnist writes about her own experience with trying to get her baby to go to sleep and how she finally "helped" her baby learn to self - soothe and fall asleep.  It may not work for you but it's a great article and I suggest you give it a try.... read the comments from moms who did and it worked.  Good Luck!

[hell19]

my daughter is 15 months old and is really naughty she wont eat and throws everything i give her to eat at me. she constantly screams for my attention i cannot go anywhere without her screaming not even to the toilet i cant cope with her anyone someone please help.

[[e-mail]]

Your baby needs solid foods. Every baby is different. I have two children and have cared for children many years. the youngest one I care for now is almost a year. I started caring fir him at 5 months. He was a hungry baby. Wanted a bottle every three hours including all night at home. He is not fat just right I think. he started solids when I started caring for him. He eats a large bowl of cream of wheat with a jar of fruit in the morning. four to five hours later he eats three jars of food. Sometimes he has bottles in between. At home he gets another meal of jars then cereal at night before bed. He still wakes up every night sometimes 3 times. When I first started caring for him I had to rock him to sleep. By the time he was 7 months I had him falling asleep on his own. He takes a pacifier, At first I let him cry but, when to him every five minutes to reasure him. Then every ten. Eventually he learned to soothe himself to sleep they also did it at home. He usually goes right back to sleep at night unless he is hungry. they are hoping one day he will sleep all night. Some kids take years before they sleep all night. I have a 8 month old great nephew and a 6 month old great neice both of them sleep all night for at least ten hours. They have done it since about three months when they started solid foods. My son was a big baby 9.3 he started eating cereal at two months and slept for 12 hours at night starting at 3 months. He is an exception my daughter was colic and up all hours of the night not fun.
If you feel your baby is hungry then feed it. pediatritions don't know everything. They are just recomending when babies should start solid food.
Good luck.
Linda

[ayanni]

A related discussion, eating and sleep  problem was started.