How do you punish a child who has RAD. MY boyfriends daughter is 13 yrs. she is very much a hand full and our way of punishment is not working with her. I'm pulling my hair out ,more so now because my son is being hurt by her actions. WHAT DO I DO? Sending her to her room and grounding her does not work. She gets in your face when you try to correct her on her behavior and tells you that she's going to hit you. She fight about everything. Someone please help.... Carrie
RAD stands for reacctive achiment disorder. It is a very hard disorder to find help with displining children who have it. I have a 15 and 13 yr old and I'm really strong on them. My way seems to be working with my boyfriends daughter but I feel it's to many cheif not enogugh idains going on here. And punishment is not getting threw to her she fights with on everything to doing homework to walking around the house picking up trash and her doing her landry.
She was abused when she was a young child by her mother and her father got full custody of her and her brother. She's been in therpy on and off for years and it's hasn't worked. She steals from people, lies all the time, hides food in her dressers. She won't do what is asked of her to do. She fights with everyone that lives in the house. We all live in the same house with her fathers mother and she doesn't seem to stick to the rules. The rules change every day and I feel that thats not helping her. She doesn't have any chores t do. Because her grammother and father feel if it's going to be fight way bother. The rules are in the house. When things don't go her way it's hell around her. She goes tomorrow to see a phy. to tell us if she has the disorder for school. Because if we get that my boyfriend is sending her to Utah to get the help she needs.
I will hope and pray that she will get the help she needs. You sound as if you are the only adult that is trying to discipline her. Everyone else besides you not only sounds as if they are a little clueless that she needs consistency, it sounds as if they are a bit lazy about it..... and from the little I have read this weekend on RAD- the child wants adults to be in control even if the child fights that control- it gives them stability and security/ Have I understood that correctly?
So until you can get this physician to convince the other family members of this, I am sorry to say you are probably fighting a losing battle. I am so sorry.
The person here to do any punishing in these childrens life is her father and not a lot of other people, he is the one who can help her ,it sounds ,as you said too many chiefs let their Dad send her to her room and ground her,and everyone else let it alone, they are rebelling .It isnt all about rules and pushiments,, focus on her positive side and praise her when she doe something right.I read that there is a lack of Parent /child interaction of the positive side. Get them involved in sports and Games, Dad could be involved in a big way and not leave it to others.
Carrie, once you meet with the psych, if it is determined that RAD is the correct diagnosis, I'd be VERY surprised if he recommended sending her out of state to a facility for treatment.
As I understand it, the only somewhat affective treatment for RAD involves a family unit. The child needs to attach, and feel like they belong. That really can't happen hundreds of miles away from who they are trying to attach to.
I know it's tempting to think that what this child needs is structure, rules, and chores - because you perceive that's what worked for your children. But in fact, what "worked" for your children is consistent affection and security when they were little. Chores and structure and rules came later.
Babies with RAD never got the security, affection and attachment. So chores and rules aren't the way to cure them.
I will say, from what I understand, true RAD (if that's what she actually has) doesn't have a very successful therapy rate. At best, therapy "successes" tend to get the child to a functional level but not to a really normal level. One website I was reading through calls a "success" a child who functions at 80% normalcy, and that's a really good facility.
Best wishes. I think in this case you really need to force yourself to stop thinking in conventional terms of rules and structure, and think in terms of healing her heart.
I just purchased the book "when love is not enough" by nancy Thomas... on advice from our dr. It is very easy read..... Remember no means no-- there is no arguing or talking about it to prove the point as children with rad use this to there advantage and they will escalate the situation and try there best to get that "last" nerve you have.....
You can only controll what is in your house-if you take something away --expect an outburt but if your child has rad then you know about how those go........do your "strong sitting" if necessary I wish you luck, i am very new to the rad diagnosis, the child place with us is only 2 1/2 so i would love some fead back from you as well if you wouldn't mind :)
oh my....the poor girl need stableization !!!!! the saying killem with kindess im learning helps with Rad kids... when they scream at you ---what really bothers you that fact taht she tries to get in your face or the fact taht she is loud or disrespectfull??? I was told that in a temper tantrum wait for them to vent....then BLOW IT UP SILLY STYLE !!!! REALLY, fall to the floor and roll your eyes and do all kinds of things ..them watching you will stop there fits.. (mind you they may think your crazy for a minute) but you can not punish rad kids like you do others ....Rad children THRIVE on punishment
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