Re: 3 yr old scared of everything & has nightmares

[Sue__0__0]

Posted By Sue on July 28, 1999 at 13:10:07
My 3 year old nephew is a very sensitive young boy who is very smart and never forgets anything.  His father spanked him about a month ago because he was being too rough with his younger brother and now he always thinks daddy is going to spank him.  On top of that he is having very bad nightmares where he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming.  He tells us that Chuckie is here (meaning Chuckie Cheese).  We've only been to Chuckie Cheese twice because he is scared to death of Chuckie Cheese.  Yesterday he woke up from a nap screaming and would not step on the floor.  He had to be carried and stood on the kitchen chair to eat, then had to be carried into the living room and sat on top of the sofa (as far away from the floor as he could get), and then he had to be carried into bed - he was scared to death to walk on the floor because something was going to get him.  This has been going on for a while.  He is also frightened of every little thing.  When the smoke alarm goes off in the house he gets scared to death and wants to be carried all over the place.  Is there any help you can give us?  At times he will be fine but other times he's afraid of anything and everything.  He also thinks that things are going to jump out of the tv at him.  Can you think of any reason this is happening?

[HVM Ph.D. - KDK]

Posted By HVMA Ph.D. - KDK on July 28, 1999 at 19:31:58
Dear Sue,
Nightmares in a three-year-old signify daytime emotional struggles and can often occur after a child has experienced something frightening (such as your nephew's fear of Chuckie Cheese). He'll probably need some comforting holding to calm and reassure him, as well as straightforward talk about keeping him safe, taking care of him, etc., and a little bit of talk about the experience having been a dream (as opposed to reality).
Now, your nephew may be an anxious/fearful child by nature, and generally timid and reactive to many things in his life. The sort of heightened fear you describe is not the norm for his age over any protracted period. Episodically, it wouldn't particularly be a cause for concern. Is there anything about the nature of his day-to-day life that would have him on edge (e.g., frequent separations from his parents, unusual stress in the family)? In response to his panic, it's important to be sensitive, responsive and caring, but not to indulge him too much. This sometimes unwittingly adds to the child's fear by making it seem that there is actually something to be afraid of. In general, three-year-olds who display the reactions of your nephew are feeling vulnerable and unsafe, and this is usually in response to unsettledness in the environment.
Re: his fear of spanking, this is now a realistic fear - i.e., it has happened to him. So it's only natural that he'll fear it will occur again (particularly since he's at the anxious/fearful end of the spectrum in general). If spanking is not going to be the usual response to misbehavior, it would help to tell him this and to quickly let him know what he should expect in the wake of misbehavior on his part.
The information in this forum is provided for purposes of general education. Always address particular questions about your health care to your personal health care providers.
*Keyword: Fears, Anxiety, Nightmares, Spanking,

[Sue__0__0]

Posted By Sue on July 29, 1999 at 10:38:04
Thank you very much for your response to my message.  What you said does make total sense.  You asked "Is there anything about the nature of his day-to-day life that would have him on edge (e.g., frequent separations from his parents, unusual stress in the family)?".  His mother is a very easy person that does not set any rules and never punishes him (his father is the one that always disciplines him and tells him not to do certain things).  His mother still gives him a pacifier when he gets cranky and daddy will not give it to him.  Now mommy has started working at night and daddy is now home at night (which he never was before because he was always working).  Daddy is much tougher on him and sets rules and is constantly telling him no he cannot have his pacifier, that he shouldn't cry when grandma leaves, that he has to do things when daddy tells him to, etc. and mommy was just the opposite that let him do whatever he wanted.  Could this be what is causing his behavior?  He said once that he does not like daddy because he took his pacifier away.  Last night he was acting the same way about being scared of everything and being scared to go to bed.  Daddy gave him the pacifier and he was fine and slept through the night.  Could the presence of his father and the discipline he sets be causing this behavior?  My brother is a good father and loves his kids, but sometimes he can be a bit nerotic about what his son can and can't do.
Thank you for your help.










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