Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Re: Hitting a child
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Re: Hitting a child
by Mom-of-Thre, Jan 01, 1995 12:00AM
Posted By Mom of Three on January 18, 1999 at 02:39:44:
In Reply to: Re: Hitting a child posted by HVM Ph.D.-KDK on January 11, 1999 at 12:00:16:
This debate is raging about our family, perhaps we can ask your opinion... is it ever right to hit a child? We have a 2 year old that tends to be very rambuntious. TIA. -Joe
_
: Dear Joe,
Welcome to the world of many households where the debate about physical discipline is raging. As with many controversial issues, there are extremes at both ends of the spectrum. Some argue that any physical discipline is ill-advised and even harmful; others advocate strongly that 'to spare the rod is to spoil the child'.
We usually suggest that the battle over physical discipline doesn't even have to be joined, because there are alternatives to physical discipline that are effective and that don't carry the possible unintended consequences (e.g., a child 'modeling' parents and using physical means to control others; using physical aggession to express anger or frustration) that can derive from physical discipline.
For a 2 yr. old, famous for their oppositional and sometimes defiant behavior, we usually recommend time out as the most reliable and effective means of discipline. Here are a few guidelines: (a) issue directions no more than twice; (b) if a direction needs to be repeated, issue it in the form of an ultimatum (firmly, but not loudly or in a punitive tone) - e.g., "Susan, unless you ..........................., you are going to time out"; (c) place the child in an adult-size chair or the bottom step of a staircase; (d) employ a self-standing timer to track the time; (e) start the timer only when the youngster is quiet; (f) at the conclusion of the time out period, ask "What got you here?" (i.e., What happened that resulted in the time out?); "What can you do the next time?" (i.e., What alternative behavior can you use to handle the situation?).
You might find the following resources helpful: S.O.S.: Help for Parents (by Lynn Clark); 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (by Thomas Phelan).
"spanking" is not necessarily a bad option. The main thing to remember is 1) Do not spank out of anger.
2) Spanking is usually a last resort to a problem that can not be modified otherwise.
3) Make sure the child knows what the consequences are ahead of time!
4) TALK TO THE CHILD AFTER THE PUNISHMENT HAS BEEN GIVEN! Make sure they know why they have been punished, why their action was wrong, and that you do not accept or appreciate what was done, but love them very much and always will!
Here's an example of a time when spanking has been an only option for our family:
When my oldest son was 3, he started lying, which is very common in a normally developing child. The consequence for lying was a time out. However, the consequence for the inappropriate action was a time out also. What we found was that the better choice for him was to lie. This way, if he didn't get caught in the lie there was no punishment. If he did get cought in the lie the consequence was the same as for the "crime" commited. Our solution? If he told the truth the punishment for the wrong doing was a time out. If he told a lie, he was spanked for the lie and still had to take the time out for the wrong doing. Does that make sense? Anyway, he only blatantly told lies twice after we implemented this new form of punishment. Oh, and guess what, he has NEVER hit a peer, is not overly aggressive, and is amazingly not psychologically damaged as a result. Ha! Ha! Also remember that parents need to be consistent in what they punish for, but do not necessarily need to punish in the same way. Moms and dads are very different, which is why every child needs both! Good Luck!
In Reply to: Re: Hitting a child posted by HVM Ph.D.-KDK on January 11, 1999 at 12:00:16:
This debate is raging about our family, perhaps we can ask your opinion... is it ever right to hit a child? We have a 2 year old that tends to be very rambuntious. TIA. -Joe
_
: Dear Joe,
Welcome to the world of many households where the debate about physical discipline is raging. As with many controversial issues, there are extremes at both ends of the spectrum. Some argue that any physical discipline is ill-advised and even harmful; others advocate strongly that 'to spare the rod is to spoil the child'.
We usually suggest that the battle over physical discipline doesn't even have to be joined, because there are alternatives to physical discipline that are effective and that don't carry the possible unintended consequences (e.g., a child 'modeling' parents and using physical means to control others; using physical aggession to express anger or frustration) that can derive from physical discipline.
For a 2 yr. old, famous for their oppositional and sometimes defiant behavior, we usually recommend time out as the most reliable and effective means of discipline. Here are a few guidelines: (a) issue directions no more than twice; (b) if a direction needs to be repeated, issue it in the form of an ultimatum (firmly, but not loudly or in a punitive tone) - e.g., "Susan, unless you ..........................., you are going to time out"; (c) place the child in an adult-size chair or the bottom step of a staircase; (d) employ a self-standing timer to track the time; (e) start the timer only when the youngster is quiet; (f) at the conclusion of the time out period, ask "What got you here?" (i.e., What happened that resulted in the time out?); "What can you do the next time?" (i.e., What alternative behavior can you use to handle the situation?).
You might find the following resources helpful: S.O.S.: Help for Parents (by Lynn Clark); 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (by Thomas Phelan).
"spanking" is not necessarily a bad option. The main thing to remember is 1) Do not spank out of anger.
2) Spanking is usually a last resort to a problem that can not be modified otherwise.
3) Make sure the child knows what the consequences are ahead of time!
4) TALK TO THE CHILD AFTER THE PUNISHMENT HAS BEEN GIVEN! Make sure they know why they have been punished, why their action was wrong, and that you do not accept or appreciate what was done, but love them very much and always will!
Here's an example of a time when spanking has been an only option for our family:
When my oldest son was 3, he started lying, which is very common in a normally developing child. The consequence for lying was a time out. However, the consequence for the inappropriate action was a time out also. What we found was that the better choice for him was to lie. This way, if he didn't get caught in the lie there was no punishment. If he did get cought in the lie the consequence was the same as for the "crime" commited. Our solution? If he told the truth the punishment for the wrong doing was a time out. If he told a lie, he was spanked for the lie and still had to take the time out for the wrong doing. Does that make sense? Anyway, he only blatantly told lies twice after we implemented this new form of punishment. Oh, and guess what, he has NEVER hit a peer, is not overly aggressive, and is amazingly not psychologically damaged as a result. Ha! Ha! Also remember that parents need to be consistent in what they punish for, but do not necessarily need to punish in the same way. Moms and dads are very different, which is why every child needs both! Good Luck!
