Re: Spoiled Rotten or Unfit Mother:You Decide!!

Posted By Heather on July 30, 1999 at 10:14:06
  My daughter is 18 months old.  I am really starting to believe that she has some "problem", let's say.  She's always been the type of child who wants to get her way, but this is getting ridiculous.  When she doesn't get to do something (i.e. go outside, jump off tables, etc.) she screams, falls to the floor and generally throws a fit.  I can place this in the general category of a tantrum.  But when this happens she also: pulls my hair and hits me in the face.
   I have tried a stern "No." and screaming "NO!" and even hitting her hand.  Nothing works.  If I smack her hand, she laughs at me, or just proceeds to hit me again (same thing with the no's).
  What is wrong here?  Have I totally failed?  Is she exhibiting normal behavior?  Does she hate me? I really don't see her act his dramatically with anyone else in the family.
Thank you
Heather

[HVM Ph.D. - KDK]

Posted By HVMA Ph.D. - KDK on July 31, 1999 at 08:35:37
Dear Heather,
It's not uncommon for toddlers to exhibit tantrum behavior when their wishes are frustrated. They haven't yet acquired the ability to tolerate much frustration or disappointment, and they quickly become overwhelmed with the anger that results from frustration. The tantrum is the sign of how overwhelmed they are. Try not to take it personally - e.g., by thinking the behavior is a demonstration that your daughter hates you.
Some toddlers become aggressive when they tantrum - this is not the norm, but it's not rare, either. Limits do have to be set - the child cannot be permitted to hurt you or others in these moments of frustration or anger. Yelling and hitting the child are not useful tactics - in fact, they are aggressive gestures in themselves and unwittingly convey to the child that aggressive behavior is a reasonable response to anger. It's important for you to maintain your composure, and this might be easier for you if you don't interpret your daughter's behavior as a message of her regard for you.
Appropriate responses to such aggression would be to, as gently as possible, restrain her when she attempts to hit you, or place her immediately in her crib until she is very calm. This latter intervention is an appropriate way to implement time out with an 18-month old.
The information in this forum is provided for purposes of general education. Specific questions pertaining to your child's health should always be addressed to your pediatrician.
*Keyword: Toddler, Tantrum, Behavior










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