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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Re: Suicide Threats/ADD
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Re: Suicide Threats/ADD
by Pam__0__0, Jan 01, 1995 12:00AM
Posted By Pam on April 24, 1999 at 18:05:36
This is long, but please bear with me. My son is 13 and was diagnosed about 5 years ago with a learning disability in math and ADD (no hyperactivity).
First, is SLD and ADD thought to be hereditary? My son is just like my husband's brother. My brother-in-law is 51 and when he was in school they (school administrators) said he was retarded because he had trouble with 4th grade so he was put in a special school. However, at the age of 27, his mom took him to SSA to get disability for retardation and they said his IQ was 93. Coincidentally, so is my son's. My brother-in-law doesn't care if he bathes or works-he's like a leech although that is not the way he was raised. I have long suspected that he has severe LD/ADD but because no one knew much about it when we were kids, it was never treated. We have 2 sons, the oldest of which has ADD/SLD. He has been lucky to get special treatment for both, but personality wise he is just like his uncle. My hubby gets so frustrated he secretly wishes we could send our son to live with his uncle, as he figures they're just alike.
Secondly, how do you know when someone is serious about suicide? My same son was recently diagnosed with irritable bowel. The pain has been almost constant, worse at some thimes than others, but I think he has taken advantage of the whole thing. He's been taking Bentyl and an adult psych doc I know put him on a very low dose of Valium because we thought stress was aggravating the IBS and because Valium has a slight muscle relaxing quality. Well, recently, he has begun to talk about dying. At first he said he wanted to die in his sleep due to the pain. I got him to a pain/stress management doc and they seem to have formed a rapport. He's teaching him biofeedback, visualization, etc. He never mentions death to this guy, tho. Then he began to talk about whether or not suicide was a sin. He asked me to hide all his knives. Our guns have locks and are hidden and I've hidden all medications. He never talks about this to anyone but me. Today he started talking about how his life stinks and he can't wait to die. But it's not due to pain. He doesn't like people and he wants to go to a deserted island where he can do what he wants. I wanted to choke him. He does NOTHING around the house, and is always asking someone else to do something for him that he can do perfectly well for himself. Over the years, we have unfortunately done it to keep the peace. We try to plan fun things but he doesn't want to go, so my hubby and younger son go & I stay home, too. Last weekend, in an attempt to cheer him (and after hearing about it for weeks) we bought him an iguana, tank, etc. to the tune of over $100. Of course, he has had little to do with it and I feed it, not him.
He is increasingly alienated from his dad and little brother, who is skinny, popular, loving, etc.-everything my older son isn't. I worry and pray a lot about him, tho I know I felt alienated from my folks about this age too and just wanted to be alone. I was also depressed and thought of death, but never talked about it all the time like he does. I called a pediatric shrink as I think he needs an antidepressant more than Valium (he used to take Ritalin and was a much more pleasant person then). But that doc can't see him til July so I guess we go back to the adult shrink. Sometimes, I feel like he's using me as I'm a sucker for a hard luck story. Or perhaps, it's just a hormonal thing. But then after stuff like Littleton and that Kip-kid who killed his parents, you wonder if they saw symptoms but ignored them. Please give me some feed back other than "see a shrink". Thanks.
This is long, but please bear with me. My son is 13 and was diagnosed about 5 years ago with a learning disability in math and ADD (no hyperactivity).
First, is SLD and ADD thought to be hereditary? My son is just like my husband's brother. My brother-in-law is 51 and when he was in school they (school administrators) said he was retarded because he had trouble with 4th grade so he was put in a special school. However, at the age of 27, his mom took him to SSA to get disability for retardation and they said his IQ was 93. Coincidentally, so is my son's. My brother-in-law doesn't care if he bathes or works-he's like a leech although that is not the way he was raised. I have long suspected that he has severe LD/ADD but because no one knew much about it when we were kids, it was never treated. We have 2 sons, the oldest of which has ADD/SLD. He has been lucky to get special treatment for both, but personality wise he is just like his uncle. My hubby gets so frustrated he secretly wishes we could send our son to live with his uncle, as he figures they're just alike.
Secondly, how do you know when someone is serious about suicide? My same son was recently diagnosed with irritable bowel. The pain has been almost constant, worse at some thimes than others, but I think he has taken advantage of the whole thing. He's been taking Bentyl and an adult psych doc I know put him on a very low dose of Valium because we thought stress was aggravating the IBS and because Valium has a slight muscle relaxing quality. Well, recently, he has begun to talk about dying. At first he said he wanted to die in his sleep due to the pain. I got him to a pain/stress management doc and they seem to have formed a rapport. He's teaching him biofeedback, visualization, etc. He never mentions death to this guy, tho. Then he began to talk about whether or not suicide was a sin. He asked me to hide all his knives. Our guns have locks and are hidden and I've hidden all medications. He never talks about this to anyone but me. Today he started talking about how his life stinks and he can't wait to die. But it's not due to pain. He doesn't like people and he wants to go to a deserted island where he can do what he wants. I wanted to choke him. He does NOTHING around the house, and is always asking someone else to do something for him that he can do perfectly well for himself. Over the years, we have unfortunately done it to keep the peace. We try to plan fun things but he doesn't want to go, so my hubby and younger son go & I stay home, too. Last weekend, in an attempt to cheer him (and after hearing about it for weeks) we bought him an iguana, tank, etc. to the tune of over $100. Of course, he has had little to do with it and I feed it, not him.
He is increasingly alienated from his dad and little brother, who is skinny, popular, loving, etc.-everything my older son isn't. I worry and pray a lot about him, tho I know I felt alienated from my folks about this age too and just wanted to be alone. I was also depressed and thought of death, but never talked about it all the time like he does. I called a pediatric shrink as I think he needs an antidepressant more than Valium (he used to take Ritalin and was a much more pleasant person then). But that doc can't see him til July so I guess we go back to the adult shrink. Sometimes, I feel like he's using me as I'm a sucker for a hard luck story. Or perhaps, it's just a hormonal thing. But then after stuff like Littleton and that Kip-kid who killed his parents, you wonder if they saw symptoms but ignored them. Please give me some feed back other than "see a shrink". Thanks.
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Dear Pam,
Regarding your first question, there is often an association between Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Learning Disability (of many types). That is, it is often (but by no means always) true that when a child displays ADHD, that same child will display some form of learning disability. Both of these conditions (ADHD, Learning Disability) have a strong genetic component. What this means is that if a child displays ADHD and/or LD, it is quite likely that there is a family history of the conditions. But it is important to remember that this is not always the case; it is simply quite likely.
Regarding your second question, there are times when the most sensible plan is to consult a specialist, and the information you sent along indicates that your son is displaying serious psychological problems and that the family interactions have become problematic also. Your son's behavior is not normal - you already know that. It is true that some children voice suicidal thoughts in order to obtain some secondary gain. But this is usually not the case, and even when it is the case the suicidal thoughts deserve some focus. Indications are that your son's behavior goes well beyond what might be typical for his age. In this country we have come to think of adolescence as a time when we can expect a consideable degree of difficulty with our children; we have come to think of the teen years as a time of significant emotional turmoil and unrest. But these are popular misconceptions. As a result of them, too often legitimate problems are overlooked and viewed only as manifestations of a 'normal teen'. Please do the very thing you mentioned in your last line. This is not glib advice; I am not trying to shirk your question. You would be doing the responsible thing as a parent to seek the help of a child mental health clinician.
This information is provided for purposes of general medical information. Please consult your health care providers for diagnostic and treatment options that pertain to your specific situation.
Follow Ups:
Suicide Threats/ADD Roann 6/08/1999
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Suicide Threats/ADD Med Help International 4/28/1999
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Suicide Threats/ADD Pam-Thanks 4/27/1999
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Re: Suicide Threats/ADD HVM Ph.D. - KDK 4/28/1999
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