Reactive attachment disorder (RAD)

My husband and I have a 10 year old foster child that we are hoping to adopt. She has been in foster care for a little over 2 years. She has been diagnosed (2yrs ago) with RAD. We try everything with her for disipline; point system, taking privilages away etc., this child continues to lie, does not like to do what she is instructed to do - her behaviors increased when school started.  She dosen't seem to care!!  She knows the consequences of "wrong choices", but she can't go for one day without lying or doing something wrong.  She has been in therapy for the 2 yrs., as well. We are questioning whether to pursue adoption, as we feel this child has been in the system for so long, that she will not be able to be helped. What can we do to help her or is it indeed to late for her?  She can be so trying, as if she lives to only make you angry.  By the way, we will not let her put us in the position to "power struggle" with her. Her teacher will not power struggle with her either.   We make her be responsible for the poor chooices she makes.

Thank you in advance for any help!!

Diane

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Diane,

Children with attachment disorder suffer from the inability to let themselves be dependent on parenting figures and to trust that their needs will be met. Therapy can be useful but, frankly, the usefulness stems more from the therapist's collaboration with the parents than it does from the face-to-face encounters with the child. If you decide to proceed with the adoption, you should do so with the knowledge that the situation is not likely to undergo any significant, dramatic change. Yes, there may be (and hopefully will be) gradual improvements over the long haul, but this little girl will be a challenge to parent throughout her childhood and adolescent years.