Russian Adopted 9 year old Girl

[annasaunt]

My sister just adopted a 9 year old girl from Russia, she's been with her for 6 weeks.  When we 1st met her she's seems fine.  Beautiful, happy and very livily.  He history is that she lived with her mother until she was 5 but was neglected, then was put into the orphanage at 5 until she was adopted at 9.  Her only medical history was she was covered in Psoriasis.  The 1st day I met her she was very shy and playful, and was overwhelmed by family members meeting her but she only spoke Russian.  Over the past few weeks, she has had these temper tantrum where she screams, hits, and even lightly bites my sister, she has an iron will and doesn't want to give in.  The rages are due to going to a school program for 2 hours a day for the summer, my sister even hired a Russian interpreter to help her understand what she is going to be doing.  The child seems to lose it at night and in the morning.  She doesnt like to go to sleep, which my sister has tried everything "laying with her, soothing music, laying in her bed with her, reading with her, but the child goes crazy, and starts screaming and yelling "mama, mama".  When my sister goes to her she tells her to.  But then in the mornings the battles begin, if she doesn't want to do something from "eating breakfast to getting dressed, she loses it".  My sister just holds her and tries to reassure her she loves her and will not leave her.  My sister and her husband have taken leaves from their jobs to be with her for a few monthes until school starts.

Once the child has gotten her way "she doesn't go to camp" she becomes a normal happy girl again.  If the tantrums continues her russian pediatrican suggested putting her in her room to calm down.  Its been very difficult on my sister who understands it was going to be hard, but the child is normal and happy and coping wonderfully only those few meltdowns seemed to be triggered.  She likes me and my 2 girls, and I thought maybe she misses the children from the orphange.  The Russian neurologist encountered the worst tantram breakdown with my sister and the child and told my sister she needs to be put on Resperdal .25 mg.  I just don't understand what causes the meltdowns, I mean I can understand why "the language barrier and missing her life which has been shattered, but the child has adjusted in every way but when you tell her know its a meltdown and it happens only in the mornings and at night."

What do you think??


This discussion is related to Tantrums in a 9 year old girl.

[margypops]

It does sound as if this little girl has been through a lot of Trauma and seperation, she is probably suffering from seperation Anxiety, it will take a lot of patience and love on your sisters side to make her feel better. My opinion of Meds is sometimes they have to be prescribed but try everything else first as the Meds have their own side effects and repercussions.If she doesnt have to go to Camp thats okay , unless there is a good reason she has to, let her spend time doing what she wants to do,Has your sister learnt a few Russian Phrases,like Good Morning How are you feeling to day?stuff like that.I dont think punishment of any kind would help in this situation, your sister and her Husband could do with learning how they approach this from a councillor.The night time where she is yelling Mama is heart rending as she obviosly has memories, I think she needs a ton of positive attention and patience, fill her days with games and activitys so she has no time to dwell on anything, New Dad can he play ball games with her, does she like dancing and Music, when she is going to have a Tantrum 'Nip it in the Bud"and distract her with anything, this is a long road but it should work out, shes worth it Give it time, Let us know how she progresses and Please if your sister seeks further help make sure it isnt being doped up with stuff just to give everyone a bit of Peace.

[Hazel30]

Hi there after reading your post I wanted to reply.  I am from Russian as well, born and raised I came here with my parents when I was 9.  The world here is much different then in Russia. For this little girl it must be very scary having new parents and a whole new country.  Please let your sister know to be patient with her doughter and understand what she has gone through.  It sounds like she is afraid of being alone as well as being seperated from her new parents.  They should spend as much time with her as possible to build their trust and love with her.  Because the little girl cannot speak english she maybe feels that this is her only way to communicate right now.  Maybe it would be helpful to hire an english/russian teacher to come to their home and help the little girl learn english as well as teaching the parents some phrases that could be helpful right now.
I agree with margypops, maybe they should realy give it some time before turning to medication.  I wish them all the best.

[margypops]

How great she has you aswell can you do some nice things with her in her home ,,it will take time, everyone has to be kind and loving and not overly protective , it is a good idea to have a Russian speaking person come to her house .

[annasaunt]

You both are very warm people and very nurturing with your advice which is greatly appreciated.  My sister has hired a russian interpretor to come alot during the week, but Anna just ignores her and doesn't even try to learn.  Anna is very immature for her age, she's 9 but gets along very well with my 3 year old and loves to play babydolls.  I told my sister to get her a baby doll and Anna loves it and carries it with her now.  I think this will also help with the transition.  

I guess out biggest dilemma is getting her to school in Sept.  She kicks and screams and won't go and my sister buckles because she doen't want to get her so upset.  She tries to dress her and she kicks off her shoes and once she realized she's won, she is back to her happy self.  Its very confusing.  It this a spoiled temper tantrum or separation anxiety.  We are both very easy going but how do you get her to the school with out physically carrying her.  This will help her learn English as well.  She truly is a lovily child, a little mother and caretaker, its just these outburst we don't know what to do.  

[mj_mommy_manda]

The advice that the other women gave seems very helpful but I just wanted to add a little bit about one of my experiences.  About 3 years ago I babysat for a boy who is adopted.  He was then 8 years old.  His adoptive parents are VERY good with him, always spent alot of time with him.. Payed a lot of attention to him.. Made sure he was happy, but he had the temper tantrums at night like you explain too.  He would kick scream and cry anytime someone asked him to go to sleep or would try to get him to go to sleep.. Once he was finally in his bed he would come upstairs 5,6,7 times saying that his stomach hurt or he wasn't tired or he had to go to the bathroom or he was hungry.  His parents got in contact with the adoption agency about this because he seemed "traumatized" and they learned that when he was a young baby and toddler his mother would come home drunk and "play" with him, throwing him in the air and then "forgetting" to catch him.  He suffered a broken arm as an infant and other injuries due to this.  You wouldn't think a child would remember that far back but ever since then he associated bedtime with bad things.  Maybe she is traumatized from something that could have happened to her when she was a baby or young child? Just a suggestion or something you may want to look into.