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School says daughter has problems, but pediatrician & therapists don't
I'm at my wits' end. My daughter is fairly well behaved at home, but since 1st grade has had behavior problems at school, and they've gotten much worse this year.
Her current classroom is small and crowded and my daughter has been complaining endlessly at school that it's very noisy and she can't concentrate. She's been moved to different seats and it hasn't helped. She's allowed to leave the classroom when she gets too overwhelmed, so she spends a good chunk of time outside the classroom so she misses a lot of the lessons. The teacher is exasperated by her behavior and wants my husband and I to find a solution to it. I told her that she is sensitive to noisy environments and hates crowds but we don't know what to do about it.
She's on a IEP for her behavior problems and last year her IEP team said I should tell her pediatrician that she has behavior problems in school and that she needs a referral to a therapist because they think she has mental issues. When I told the pediatrician about my daughter's problems in school, she didn't think they were a big deal and told me she doesn't need a therapist. When I told the IEP team what the pediatrician said at this year's meeting, they were livid. They told me at this meeting that I absolutely have to find a therapist for my child, that she has severe mental issues and that she wouldn't make it in middle school if I didn't. (She's in 4th grade right now.) I've contacted several therapists and most wouldn't see my daughter because they didn't think she had any mental problems, and that seeing her would be a waste of their and my daughters' time. They said it was the school's responsibility to resolve the issues.
Right now I don't know what to think, and I'm panicking because the IEP team expects me to line up a therapist but no therapist will see her. I don't want to tell them that no therapist will see her because I'm very afraid of their reaction (I find the IEP meetings very intimidating.) I'm still looking for a therapist. I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation. Thanks.
Her current classroom is small and crowded and my daughter has been complaining endlessly at school that it's very noisy and she can't concentrate. She's been moved to different seats and it hasn't helped. She's allowed to leave the classroom when she gets too overwhelmed, so she spends a good chunk of time outside the classroom so she misses a lot of the lessons. The teacher is exasperated by her behavior and wants my husband and I to find a solution to it. I told her that she is sensitive to noisy environments and hates crowds but we don't know what to do about it.
She's on a IEP for her behavior problems and last year her IEP team said I should tell her pediatrician that she has behavior problems in school and that she needs a referral to a therapist because they think she has mental issues. When I told the pediatrician about my daughter's problems in school, she didn't think they were a big deal and told me she doesn't need a therapist. When I told the IEP team what the pediatrician said at this year's meeting, they were livid. They told me at this meeting that I absolutely have to find a therapist for my child, that she has severe mental issues and that she wouldn't make it in middle school if I didn't. (She's in 4th grade right now.) I've contacted several therapists and most wouldn't see my daughter because they didn't think she had any mental problems, and that seeing her would be a waste of their and my daughters' time. They said it was the school's responsibility to resolve the issues.
Right now I don't know what to think, and I'm panicking because the IEP team expects me to line up a therapist but no therapist will see her. I don't want to tell them that no therapist will see her because I'm very afraid of their reaction (I find the IEP meetings very intimidating.) I'm still looking for a therapist. I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation. Thanks.
As a PCA in training, and being Diva2317's sisiter let me see if I can help you.
Well many people with SID don't like to be in large places. I have heard stories about adults that have these types of problems, who will go to malls in sunglasses and visors. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get your daughter in to see a behavioral pediatrician. I know that every parent goes through a denial stage.
Maybe some occupational therapy would help your daughter. Just something to think about.
Well many people with SID don't like to be in large places. I have heard stories about adults that have these types of problems, who will go to malls in sunglasses and visors. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get your daughter in to see a behavioral pediatrician. I know that every parent goes through a denial stage.
Maybe some occupational therapy would help your daughter. Just something to think about.
I do know that sensory can be mild and hard to tell and things change from day to day. That makes it confusing. I'm so glad you found a therapist and hope that you are able to help your daughter be happier which is the bottom line. Let us know how it goes!
Thank you everybody for your helpful responses! I finally found a therapist for my daughter. Basically, I called the pediatrician and told her (not ask like I usually do) to give me some referrals. The first referral called me back right away and next week she has an appointment. I do think she has SIDS, and maybe ADHD, though the pediatrician and the school said she didn't. I wonder if maybe she has a mild form, though. She can concentrate sometimes, usually when playing a video game or drawing, but other times, especially when she's bored or some situation is a little intense for her, she's all over the place.
I was a little wary of joining an online community (I had a very bad experience with similar website years ago) but all the responses were excellent. I can't pick just one as the best. Hopefully, I can be helpful to one of you someone (though I don't know exactly what). Thanks again!
I was a little wary of joining an online community (I had a very bad experience with similar website years ago) but all the responses were excellent. I can't pick just one as the best. Hopefully, I can be helpful to one of you someone (though I don't know exactly what). Thanks again!
Hi there, i have just read through all of these previous postings. I also thought of maybe perhaps your daughter having ADD/ADHD/ OR SOMETHING LIKE THIS BUT THERE ARE WAYS OF GETTING HELP. iT'S TRUE THAT SHE WOULD NEED TO SEE A CHILD PSYCOLOGIST IN ORDER TO BE DIAGNOSED IF THE SITUATION IS IN NEED OF IT. You should also get a copy of her iep and take it with her to your local regional childrens center. There they maybe able to help you in getting your daughter the help she may need. This is how my son got diagnosed with ADHD but in his case, there are several other health issues that contribute to his overall health issues. Usually RCC if free of charge and if there are behavioural problems at school, home , or anywhere else for that matter, they will look thouroughly into the situation at hand. You may have to provide reports from previous school years if there have been any problems. Thats if the school will help you out. But they also to take charge in getting her the help through the school system as well. If need be, go to the school board and file complaints with anyone who'll listen! Somebnody is ultamately gonna notice. My son also cannot function in a lous noisey environment and never has been able to. If he is put there, he will fail to survive in that environment because this is when he gets into most trouble! Funny thing is about him though, he cant stand loudness around him and cannot be productive but is the loudest child I know! I dont understand that fact but that is his reality. If she has already been seen by the school psychologist, then they should be putting into place an environment where she can get the full support help that she requires. Even if that means getting help from the LST and receiving possible extra time on assignments and tests. Anything that is happening with her in school is by no means your fault or hers!The concentration factor is one of the biggest signs of ADHD/ADD. There are many ways out there to help your daughter out but it'll be by trial and error for a while until something is found that works for her.I hope this helps you out tremendously. Good luck.
When we lived in IL I had the hardest time getting my DD's pediatrician to give us any referrals. She just didn't believe that there was a problem. I marched down there with the paper from the speech therapist I chose and said "sign it or I'm getting a lawyer!" I had a signature within minutes.
I understand how pushy and intimidating school districts can be, but if they believe that there is a problem with your daughter I would take it into consideration. It does sound like they are being incredibly negative about the situation though. I'm sure there are plenty of things that your DD does really well. They should focus on those too and the teachers should never lose their cool. If they get frustrated that your DD needs breaks they are in the wrong profession.
Here's what I would do: 1st off move or register your DD in a new school district. Ask around, see if any school districts around you work well with special needs children in regular classrooms. Start fresh with a group of people who know how to stay positive. 2nd, if your pediatrician won't work with you, find one that will. A therapist cannot turn you away if you have a referral. Not only is that mean, it's illegal. It sounds like your DD needs some extra help, and that's ok! It's just a matter of finding the right way to do it. Good luck.
I understand how pushy and intimidating school districts can be, but if they believe that there is a problem with your daughter I would take it into consideration. It does sound like they are being incredibly negative about the situation though. I'm sure there are plenty of things that your DD does really well. They should focus on those too and the teachers should never lose their cool. If they get frustrated that your DD needs breaks they are in the wrong profession.
Here's what I would do: 1st off move or register your DD in a new school district. Ask around, see if any school districts around you work well with special needs children in regular classrooms. Start fresh with a group of people who know how to stay positive. 2nd, if your pediatrician won't work with you, find one that will. A therapist cannot turn you away if you have a referral. Not only is that mean, it's illegal. It sounds like your DD needs some extra help, and that's ok! It's just a matter of finding the right way to do it. Good luck.
No you pop in like the cavalry to say the same thing as a back up on disorders ..Look guys I am not denying that disorders exist of course they do I just don't believe that every parent coming here with a behavioral problem their child has ..has got a' disorder' and in fact if you take a look you will find Moms who came here with a question about their child's behavior are actually being pursuaded their child has something worse wrong with them This is recent as I say after 4 years this is what I see here now .. .I think MH should really get a 'disorder' forum going .then we would all be happy ..
Hi everyone -
All opinions are welcomed here, as long as they are respectful of others. It is actually beneficial to members if they can hear varying opinions, as that will help them make an informed decision regarding a plan for evaluation, treatment, etc.
Please remember to keep them respectful and on topic.
Emily
All opinions are welcomed here, as long as they are respectful of others. It is actually beneficial to members if they can hear varying opinions, as that will help them make an informed decision regarding a plan for evaluation, treatment, etc.
Please remember to keep them respectful and on topic.
Emily
I would go with the answer Annie posted and also stillamommasgirl ..you specialmom also had some great input when you are not fixed on every child having sensory disorder..I am aware some do have I just dont think all have ..good luck ...
Also if a normal answer is put forward about a childs behavior it has been shot down with a huge long diatribe about sensory disorder or adhd ..as I say folks look for your self .
No not all the time in 4 years I have been here on this forum most parents I have seen come for information about there childs behavior and now it has in fact become one of disorders ..add ADHD ,even though there is a forum for that , and recently 'non stop sensory disorder.' Members have only to scroll down to see ...well maybe Med help should change the catagory ...Its not about information its about drilling into parents their children have something wrong with them ...most time they dont ...
The child behavior forum has turned into a sensory' disorder forum anyone interested not long ago it was really simply about kids with problems.... scroll down and see how many posts are now full of disorders particularly Sensory ..Look for your self ..maybe America is just full of children with disorders .and there is no other normal ,natural reason .And this is my opinion which I think we are allowed on Med Help.....
I still agree with all you have said here I do not believe for one minute every child has a 'disorder ' we see so much of it on here , it maybe that there should be a' disorders forum" I do believe it allows parents to free them selves from feeling guilty, so lets get a label on everything ..go with your gut DSL ..you will be glad you did ..
Just chiming in to agree with those who suggest you look in to sensory integration disorder. Your description definitely suggests it is a strong possibility.
I will also tell you that I am currently experiencing sensory problems. I can completely understand why kids with SID act out. She probably truly couldn't control her behavior in that environment, even if she wanted to. The good news is that if it is sensory issues, OT can make a world of a difference. I have seen it help every kid I know of that was diagnosed with SID.
Was her speech delay apraxia? Apraxia often seems to come with sensory issues (not all cases of course, but many).
I will also tell you that I am currently experiencing sensory problems. I can completely understand why kids with SID act out. She probably truly couldn't control her behavior in that environment, even if she wanted to. The good news is that if it is sensory issues, OT can make a world of a difference. I have seen it help every kid I know of that was diagnosed with SID.
Was her speech delay apraxia? Apraxia often seems to come with sensory issues (not all cases of course, but many).
I completely agree with the thought about Sensory Integration Disorder, and I'm a little concerned about why your pediatrician was so cavalier about your daughter's struggles.
A good occupational therapist could give your daughter coping skills, and help desensitize her to her intolerance of classroom noise and busyness.
Since your daughter is missing so much instructional time "decompressing" outside the classroom, it's sad that it's taken until January for them to insist on help for her - and sad that your pediatrician didn't recognize a need for action on her part.
Best wishes.
A good occupational therapist could give your daughter coping skills, and help desensitize her to her intolerance of classroom noise and busyness.
Since your daughter is missing so much instructional time "decompressing" outside the classroom, it's sad that it's taken until January for them to insist on help for her - and sad that your pediatrician didn't recognize a need for action on her part.
Best wishes.
There are allkinds of different routes to take with our children and we all have the same goal in mind, to help them have happy lives. It sounds like you've done a great job advocating for your child and I'm glad he is doing well. We all must do what we feel in our hearts is in our kids' best interest. It can be hard sometimes with so much thrown at you--- but I'm always thrilled to hear a success story of when a child struggled and comes out on the other end doing just fine. so, good job.
It breaks my heart to hear you say you knew you were inferior to the other students. Maybe you were different, but inferior, no. The schools convince us that being different means being inferior and this mentality is what lowers self esteem. I also felt this way in school because I was different, and now both of our children are going through the same thing. I sometimes feel like I was reliving my own childhood with my son, except that this time I had a voice. Why should your daughter, or any other child, have to find ways to cope with an unhealthy situation. Maybe the time and energy should be put towards changing the environment these kids are in instead of trying to change the kids. Your daughter should be able to speak out about things she sees as being wrong. She sounds like a very intuitive child and a very caring one too. Maybe she is trying to help the other children by standing up for what she feels is right. Maybe she doesn't yet have the tools to do it in a way that is acceptable to the school, but at least she has the guts to do it. The only thing she complains about is the noise. She doesn't complain about the unfair treatment or the fact that the teachers refuse to accept her for who she is or the fact that she is shouldering the blame for things she cannot control. My son behaved in a similar manner. He never refused to go to school and to this day he "councils" my husband and me about trying not to be bitter about what happened. He says it made him stronger and he learned a lot about people and himself during that time. He says no one is perfect and all we can do is try to be better and be proud of the desire to become better people. This coming from a 14 year old. He is 17 now, but told us those things at 14. His teachers told us he had mental problems and they went from one extreme to the other. I had a teacher ask me if I was afraid of my own son. We were told that he couldn't possibly reason things out when he was in kindergarten when we knew he could. He was our first child so we thought it was normal to be able to reason with a 4/5 year old. You know your child better than any teacher or administrator does. Don't let them bully you into anything you don't feel comfortable with. Stand your ground and believe in your daughter, just like you have been doing. You sound like a very caring mother and you sound like you know your child. Trust in that, and trust your own intuition to tell you if something is wrong with her. I don't know her, so I would never try to tell you what is going on inside her head. From what you have said I don't see anything but a bright little girl asking for help to fix what is wrong in her school. Being able to stand up for herself like she is will serve her well in the future and it shouldn't be taken away from her because some of the adults in her life don't want to hear it. I could go on and on but don't want to risk falling off my soapbox again. :)
Please trust yourself and your daughter. I don't regret doing the same with my son. We get so much pleasure every time a teacher has to admit they were wrong about him, and some of them do. I know it is hard to believe, but people can admit when they are wrong. Our family looks forward to the day when our son is a huge success, in whatever he chooses to do, and he can go back and ask all of them what they were so worried about. It is so hard to be a kid, but so many adults have forgotten that. It sounds like you remember it well and because of that you will not give up on your daughter even when others try to convince you to. She has the right to be who she is and you have the right to help her. Again, I just have to say, trust yourself. I am sending you strength and all the best of everything else you might need to get through this, but if it isn't enough let me know and I'll do what I can. You are a good momma, and she's a good girl. Don't let the misguided opinions of others take that from you.
Please trust yourself and your daughter. I don't regret doing the same with my son. We get so much pleasure every time a teacher has to admit they were wrong about him, and some of them do. I know it is hard to believe, but people can admit when they are wrong. Our family looks forward to the day when our son is a huge success, in whatever he chooses to do, and he can go back and ask all of them what they were so worried about. It is so hard to be a kid, but so many adults have forgotten that. It sounds like you remember it well and because of that you will not give up on your daughter even when others try to convince you to. She has the right to be who she is and you have the right to help her. Again, I just have to say, trust yourself. I am sending you strength and all the best of everything else you might need to get through this, but if it isn't enough let me know and I'll do what I can. You are a good momma, and she's a good girl. Don't let the misguided opinions of others take that from you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, I definitely think that checking out SIDS is worth your time.
You know she also shows signs of a child with ADHD. But normally they don't complain about the noise in a classroom. However kids with ADHD do have a very hard time concentrating in a noisy environment and if she is trying to get good grades its possible. I have found from years in the classroom and monitoring the ADHD forum that a child with intelligence can do quite well in school until things like common denominators, etc show up. I do worry about her drop in grades and loss of self esteem - those things are often symptoms of something like ADHD. You might want to check out this site on symptoms of ADHD and see what you think.
http://www.rxlist.com/attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_adhd/article.htm#tocb
And if you do have any more questions on ADHD, I do monitor the ADHD forum. And specialmom has a lot of experience with sensory integration if you have any questions on those lines. Best wishes!
You know she also shows signs of a child with ADHD. But normally they don't complain about the noise in a classroom. However kids with ADHD do have a very hard time concentrating in a noisy environment and if she is trying to get good grades its possible. I have found from years in the classroom and monitoring the ADHD forum that a child with intelligence can do quite well in school until things like common denominators, etc show up. I do worry about her drop in grades and loss of self esteem - those things are often symptoms of something like ADHD. You might want to check out this site on symptoms of ADHD and see what you think.
http://www.rxlist.com/attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_adhd/article.htm#tocb
And if you do have any more questions on ADHD, I do monitor the ADHD forum. And specialmom has a lot of experience with sensory integration if you have any questions on those lines. Best wishes!
ah, I'm so sorry she is having a difficult time of it. I think that out of character response and that she is crying is a sign that someone to talk to would be really helpful for her. Psychologists and therapists work on all kinds of things besides just mental health disorders --- if a child has issues with social skills/peers, that is a common subject, self esteem, general unhappiness, even maybe her communication style with adults and friends. It isn't really changing a kid to work on developing skills that didn't come naturally or fixing ways of handling things that don't work. It is the same thing as an adult that is having trouble with their marriage and feeling bad about it---- they see a therapist to address new things to try that might help the situation, different communication techniques to try, and in general, to help deal with emotions the difficult situation is causing. It isn't changing someone's personality to seek this kind of help but teaching them new skills and making them feel heard by an empathetic ear.
Hopefully you'll be able to find some info out about sensory processing. I have a niece that has auditory issues and noise threw her off. Her iep includes headphones and an ipod during certain times of the day at school.
I do wish you luck and hope very much that things improve with your daughter!
Hopefully you'll be able to find some info out about sensory processing. I have a niece that has auditory issues and noise threw her off. Her iep includes headphones and an ipod during certain times of the day at school.
I do wish you luck and hope very much that things improve with your daughter!
My daughter is in 4th grade. I'll definitely look into sensory integration disorder. The last time I talked to her about school, she told me it was very stressful and boring on top of being noisy. She actually burst into tears during the conversation, which is very unusual for her. I would like her to enjoy going to school again.
She was originally on an IEP because she was delayed in her speech. She started pre-school at age 3 where she was receiving speech therapy and the speech therapy continued until 1st grade. They kept her on the IEP because she was having behavior problems in school starting in 1st grade. It never really affected her school work (she usually got A's and B's) until this year. Her last report card was C's and D's, which is very concerning to me. Perhaps, the guidelines are different in other states, because I was on an IEP and I was an honor roll student.
I do sympathize with the teacher, but there isn't much I can do because I'm not school with her. I do wish there were more teachers and classroom wasn't so crowded but it's out of my control. My daughter has had issues with all her teachers except in kindergarten and preschool. She's very outspoken and when she doesn't like something she lets you know. I suppose she rubs them the wrong way. I suppose I was in denial about her behavior problems in the past because the behavior problems didn't seem that bad to me and she wasn't acting out at home. I'm very concerned this year because it seems to have gotten worse. I don't think she has severe mental issues, but I'm worried about her problems with noise and her inability to cope with it. I don't want to have her put on meds if we don't have to, so hopefully we can find ways to avoid that.
I'm glad your son is doing better and thank you for your advice.
I do sympathize with the teacher, but there isn't much I can do because I'm not school with her. I do wish there were more teachers and classroom wasn't so crowded but it's out of my control. My daughter has had issues with all her teachers except in kindergarten and preschool. She's very outspoken and when she doesn't like something she lets you know. I suppose she rubs them the wrong way. I suppose I was in denial about her behavior problems in the past because the behavior problems didn't seem that bad to me and she wasn't acting out at home. I'm very concerned this year because it seems to have gotten worse. I don't think she has severe mental issues, but I'm worried about her problems with noise and her inability to cope with it. I don't want to have her put on meds if we don't have to, so hopefully we can find ways to avoid that.
I'm glad your son is doing better and thank you for your advice.
It's definitely okay to rant. Sometimes I've been frustrated by the school. She was originally put on the IEP because she was receiving speech therapy in preschool and they wanted to continue that in kindergarten. She was behaving very well in kindergarten and the first time I met with her teacher, she told me "This is the first time I've had an IEP student that wasn't a troublemaker." I remember feeling very offended by that comment. Sometimes I do feel she has been pigeon holed. She always had friends until this year when the teacher told me she's refuses to socialize with the other students. I asked her about this and she told me, "I heard a bunch of girls from my class talking about me and they said everybody thinks I'm crazy. Why should I bother trying to make friends when everybody thinks that?" It's been very tough, because there's not much I can do because I'm not at school with her. I've toured the classroom and they're packed like sardines in there. It seems like they expect me to change her personality overnight and be more adaptable, but I can't. I wish she would have better coping skills but she doesn't. There are certain things she doesn't like and she will let you know about them. I've talked to her about this, that when you get older you just have to put up with some things you don't like, but it isn't getting through. I find it very sad that the cutbacks in the school are affecting her education, but unfortunately it is. I'm sure it is affecting her self-esteem. I was an IEP student from kindergarten to 8th grade and I knew from the get-go that I was different and inferior to the other students, no one had to tell me. It's very hard to see that happening to her too. I'm glad to see I'm not alone in this.
Yes, do look into sensory integration disorder.
There is a site I like that gives good description of it called 'sensory processing disorder". Autidory processing can be difficult to deal with in a school enviroment. Look into what they call "heavy work" on that site as well because I find by doing these types of activities, it helps my son regulate----- even auditory processing is much better. If you need any ideas, I have a million. I truly feel it has helped make my son's life so much better. And that is really the goal---- we don't care if the school is miserable with our child (although, it hurts our feelings) but rather that our child is able to be successful and happy at a place she/he has to go to every day. An occupational therapist that specializes in sensory integration disorder is so very helpful and give ideas for things to try at school.
I'm surprised that the therapists won't see you as my son isn't threatening either. I would try again with a plain old psychologists that deals with kids and say that you have concerns about how your child is coping emotionally at school.
what grade is she in, by the way?
There is a site I like that gives good description of it called 'sensory processing disorder". Autidory processing can be difficult to deal with in a school enviroment. Look into what they call "heavy work" on that site as well because I find by doing these types of activities, it helps my son regulate----- even auditory processing is much better. If you need any ideas, I have a million. I truly feel it has helped make my son's life so much better. And that is really the goal---- we don't care if the school is miserable with our child (although, it hurts our feelings) but rather that our child is able to be successful and happy at a place she/he has to go to every day. An occupational therapist that specializes in sensory integration disorder is so very helpful and give ideas for things to try at school.
I'm surprised that the therapists won't see you as my son isn't threatening either. I would try again with a plain old psychologists that deals with kids and say that you have concerns about how your child is coping emotionally at school.
what grade is she in, by the way?
I've been contacting any therapist that deals with children. It's been frustrating when they won't even offer to talk to my daughter in person one time. The main reason most of them said they wouldn't take her is because she hasn't been violent or threatening to the other students. The worst she's done is tell another student to shut up because they were talking in class.
I will definitely look into SIDS. She's always been very hyper at home, which doesn't bother me at all but I thought she would have calmed down a little by now and she hasn't. It isn't much of an issue at school, ironically, it's mostly complaining about the noise in the classroom. I don't think she is as bad as the school says she is, but I would like her to get help for the noise sensitivity, so she can at least be able to cope with it.
I will definitely look into SIDS. She's always been very hyper at home, which doesn't bother me at all but I thought she would have calmed down a little by now and she hasn't. It isn't much of an issue at school, ironically, it's mostly complaining about the noise in the classroom. I don't think she is as bad as the school says she is, but I would like her to get help for the noise sensitivity, so she can at least be able to cope with it.
Yes, anniebrooke gives a straight forward suggestion that may really help. Ultimately, you sound like you are hoping to help your child and I do hope you are able to find ways of doing that. We advocate for our child and have to be able to count on all involved to do their part.
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