Self-Inflicted pain

My almost 3yr old in her anger has started grabing her face and scratching herself and also is pulling out her hair.  She has these outbursts of anger that seem uncontrolled and screams.  This behavior is different from her "normal" tantrums.  She has gotten worse recently and now seems to stutter and not be able to communicate what the problem is.  These occur at various times during the day.  They can be related to different situations:  correction, discipline, not getting her way, when we leave her in church nursury, etc...  As a parent, I am trying to remain calm during thses episodes but I am concerned for her safety and the degree of violence is getting worse.  At times she has lashed out at me or whoever is around at the time of these fits.  I need to know how to help her and at what point should I seek psychiatric help, if at all.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Jessica,

Three=year-olds vary in the pace at which they learn to manage the anger that comes when their wishes are frustrated. They experience the anger like a flood; the dam bursts and they can't contain the emotions. As they develop and mature, their capacity to tolerate frustration and its attendant emotions gradually increases.

I think your best strategy right now is to be patient with your daughter's development. Continue to set reasonable limits; don't allow the prospect of her upset to 'coerce' you into retreating from limits you would normally set. She needn't receive any discipline in response to these episodes, unless she is aggressive or destructive. In that event, give her a time out, which you should track with a portable timer.