Self-esteem

[sue]

How does the parent's self-esteem affect the development of the child's self-esteem? What are the chances that the child of a parent with low self-esteem will develop high self-esteem herself? How does coming from a single parent family with no father affect a child's self-esteem?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Sue,

Self esteem is a hazy concept, but generally refers to the degree of positive regard that people hold about themselves. How we view ourselves is a product of many factors. One of these, of course, particularly when people are young, is the nature of relationships with parents.

If parents have generally low positive regard for themselves, this will certainly influence the kinds of interactions they have with their children and the kinds of subtle forces that are brought to bear during the childhood years.

However, it is impossible to predict what will occur in future years, because people come in touch with many people other than their parents and it is the sum toll of people's experiences that determine their self-perceptions.

[Kyle's Mom]

The best thing any parent can do is give specific positive praise for good behavior, school work, etc.  It is so easy to get in the trap of only commenting when something goes wrong, but it takes practice "catching your child being good".  Since my 6 yr old is ADHD and used to be very hard on himself when he made bad judgements, errors with school work, etc. and given the usually low self esteem with kids with attention and behavior problems, I make it a point to praise him for even little things.  "I really appreciate how you picked up your Legos without my asking", or "You did a really good job with your coloring. Let's put it on the refrigerator."  Don't make up things to be positive about and don't go overboard with this.  

The main thing is to not go overboard with negativity.  Parents who yell at their children for every little thing, make derisive comments, call their children stupid, etc. are the ones that are not helping the situation any.

[Jill]

I am a single parent and self esteem absolutely has nothing to do with being a single parent or a child without a father. Low self esteem is due to self perception. Maybe a weakness because you are constantly thinking that you are a single parent and your child has no father. This was both of your choices and should have thought about all aspects of being parents or a single parent. I absolutely feel that it is a poor excuse due to the fact that you probably never, ever thought that it would happen to you. (to become a single parent) Well the reality is it happens each and every day on a daily basis. You have to be positive and realize that the child is dependending on you and probably you only! You must always be positive no matter what, because whether you realize it or not that child is watching your each and every move. You are the childs foundation, structure, guidance, mentor, provider, and nurture. That child depends on no one else but you the parent. You must keep your head up and keep a strong positive attitude you will be surprised at the results but always remember they may take a very long time before you even notice them! The key is "don't ever give up! You brought this child into the world, the child did not ask you to bring them here. So quit whinning and turn that negative energy into positive energy. And if you are separated and don't persue child support in which that child(ren) are entitiled to in which will make your lives a little better that is your own fault dont cry about it!!! You are wasting an abundant amount of energy for nothing!!!

[Jill]

I am a single parent and self esteem absolutely has nothing to do with being a single parent or a child without a father. Low self esteem is due to self perception. Maybe a weakness because you are constantly thinking that you are a single parent and your child has no father. This was both of your choices and should have thought about all aspects of being parents or a single parent. I absolutely feel that it is a poor excuse due to the fact that you probably never, ever thought that it would happen to you. (to become a single parent) Well the reality is it happens each and every day on a daily basis. You have to be positive and realize that the child is dependending on you and probably you only! You must always be positive no matter what, because whether you realize it or not that child is watching your each and every move. You are the childs foundation, structure, guidance, mentor, provider, and nurture. That child depends on no one else but you the parent. You must keep your head up and keep a strong positive attitude you will be surprised at the results but always remember they may take a very long time before you even notice them! The key is "don't ever give up! You brought this child into the world, the child did not ask you to bring them here. So quit whinning and turn that negative energy into positive energy. And if you are separated and don't persue child support in which that child(ren) are entitiled to in which will make your lives a little better that is your own fault dont cry about it!!! You are wasting an abundant amount of energy for nothing!!!