Separation Anxiety

[jonnybartman]

My two and a half year old daughter is behaving really strangely and I really would like some help....she is howing signs of massive insecurity.   She has been going to the same nursery school since she was six months old and for over one year has been running in and spending all day playing and having fun - For the last two weeks she has been terrified to to leave us - She is fine when she walks in and then when it comes time to say goodbye she throws the biggest tantrum and begs and pleads for for me to stay with her - I leave nrsery and I am a wreck and so is she - Apparently it takes her two mins to clam down but every day this becomes more of a nightmare - At the same time she has had major issues with her sleep - She has been a model child - always sleeping from seven at night until seven in the morning - she has been doing that since she was three months old - She never cried when it was sleep time and she never woke up - For the last two weeks she has been a nightmare to  put to sleep - She has exactly the same routine as normal - bath, wind down time and then stories and then bed - Now she will insist on more kisses and cuddles and anything to delay going to bed - After ten mins I close the door and she starts screaming - not normal screaming proper tantrum screaming - Mummy I need you - Mummy i want you and this goes in for between twenty and thirty mins - The minute I walk in the room she shuts up and is totally fine - She has also started to wake at least once a night sometimes more - This is something she has never done in her life - I have tried leaving a light on and clearly it isnt an issue with the light - The same routine happens again - I will go in there and she will be absolutely fine - But the minute I try to leave she will scream and scream - sometimes for up to thirty mins - I am at my wits end and dont know what to do - When she was very little I had no problem in leaving her to cry for twenty mins but the emotional torture now she can say aords is much worse - It makes me and my husband so upset - We have tried talking to her from outside the room telling her that we are here and are right next door but that doesnt work - Eventually she is so exhausted she will fall asleep - do we just leave her and wait for her to scream herself to sleep or do we continue to go in to her room even though the minute we walk in she is absolutely fine - I have asked her why she is crying and she offers no response apart from sorry - It isnt nightmares because we have asked her and her behaviour at night mimics her behaviour during the day - Help help help!!!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You should handle the situation just as you did in the past, regardless of the fact that your daughter now has greater language proficiency. It is not unusual for children of this age to experience transient separation anxiety and even nighttime waking. The fact that she settles right away at school indicates you have no reason to worry. It will be important for you to adjust your reaction and not let this 'get to you', so to speak. Letting her cry it out at night will not harm her and she will utlimately revert to the pattern you used to see. You can't make this better - all you can do is mamage your way through it and it will improve spontaneously.

[Kalio1]

did something or someone pssibly frighte her at schooldaycare? Is there a new teacher or new student there? The doctor is probably right but I would ask a few questions and see if something had changed. Maybe something happened but she doesnt have the verbal skills to explain it. A new teacher/helper maybe is the problem? Are other kids having similar reactions?

[tomel]

Emotional
Demonstrates increasing independence
Begins to show defiant behavior
Separation anxiety increases toward midyear then fades


http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/ActEarly/milestones_2years.html

This is from the CDC website for child development age 2
Notice "Separation anxiety increases toward midyear then fades" Your childs anxiety is normal.
Another thing to think about is if you were a small child not fully understatnding the world would you want to leave your mommy and daddy and your security? Most adults dont like to leave their "security blanket".
The sleep is normal as well. There is a very good book called "Healthy sleep habits, Happy Baby" It helped me alot with a very colicky child. Also sleep patterns change for every child.

[tomel]

Also keep in mind "Terrible Twos" and it doesnt end at age 2 it goes on even longer than that.

[lnicole]

I am a mother of 2 now, and while I was in pre-school I displayed the same behavior around the same age and that was because something serious was going on inside the school.
Try to communicate with her and see if something is going on inside the school. Is this the only time she is displaying this behavior? If so then I believe that their is something that may have caused her to react this way when she arrives. Maybe a bully or teacher or even another staff member, jantor, anything that may be making her feel uncomfortable.
Hopefully you will get my post sinse you wrote a while ago, but good luck and let me know her progress.

[alicecat]

I disagree with the good doctor about letting her cry it out. While I am a follower of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, I would always do a modified version of letting my daughters cry it out. I figure if I was experiencing great anxiety I would want someone to sit with me and take a minute to help me calm down. If the child is going to fade in and out of this separation anxiety, it seems you wouldn't have to be with her for many months. What I am talking about is sitting with her in the dark, just sitting next her bed quietly until she falls asleep. That is what I do. They are only this little once, and it is an opportunity to do the best of what parenting has to offer: comforting and loving and being with your child. Getting to sleep problems don't last forever and I think it helps me stay connected to my kids to be with them and help them fall asleep. I also think you can teach them the skills they need to fall asleep on their own at a time when her anxiety isn't off the charts. She really needs you right now. Be with her.