Seperation Anxiety & Depression

[kcakrk]

I am sorry if this becomes to long.  I have a very bright and loving 6 year old boy.  He is the youngest of 3.  The other two are 13 and 9.  Just a little bit of back ground on our situation.  My husband is in the Military.  He left for Iraq when our youngest of 3 weeks old, and he came home when he was 14 months old.  When dad was gone in Iraq i quit my job and did daycare in our home until he was about 3.  Then we moved to a new city when he was almost 4.  My husband travels quite a bit but not not excessive.  Since then the longest time that dad was gone from him was 6 months and that was 2 years ago.  Dad left in April for a month and now gone, and left in August for 10 weeks.  Dad may have to leave again sometime soon for a year. When we moved i started a full time job and was gone out of the home a lot.  I drove an hour to work and so i  would put in about 40-60 hours a week in including driving time.  Things weren't good then.  This is when dad was gone for 6 months too.  It will be 2 years in January that i haven't worked there.   I started working for this company about 1year and  a 1/2.  I was working 2nd shift and now working 3rd and been working 3rd for almost a year now.  When dad is home he get the kids ready for school he eats breakfast with them.  When i get home he doesn't want to go to school and dad had to leave for work already.  Then the tantrums start.  It's not every day but it happens sometimes more that not.  Now that dad isn't here he is getting worse.  Even when he is home though and he is at work i deal with this.  Even when dad is at home (weekends) i will have to go to the store and i am going to take one of the other kids so i can have one on one time with them he throws a fit when i had just taken him the other day.  He will have a tantrum then too.  Dad really doesn't do anything but says just take him with you so he stops, so i do.  It seems to happen a lot when he isn't getting his way.
     He has thrown tantrums and screaming when i left him at daycare and now school. (1st grade)  Last year  wasn't this bad.  it has gotten to the point where i have to put the child locks on the back doors of the car and get him in the car and then hurry and get into the driver seat and lock the doors before he gets out of the front seat.  He is now trying to lock me out of the car.   He has thrown tantrums and screaming when i left him at daycare and now school. (1st grade)  Last year  wasn't this bad. He would say he didn't want to go to school but i would still take him. His tantrums are worse.  Even for me to take him.  He won't get ready for me in the mornings says he doesn't want to go to school.  Its getting to the point where he is hitting me now.  He hit me 6 times today.  His brother and sister try to help and he doesn't want to have any part of them trying to help him.  I do know that he is very stubborn.  He has even kicked his bedroom door in before.  He has thrown shoes at me and hit me with a play gun.  This was when dad was home but at work.  Now that dad is gone we have a cousin stay over night so we have an adult here, but he is only  22 years old.  I get off about 8 every morning they have to be at school by 8:10am.  I live like 2 min. away from home.  So i usually get them to school.  I have a set schedule but i will work one week only Monday night and the weekend before that i have off.  Then the next week i work the weekend and then off Monday morning at 8am and then go back in on Tuesday and work Tues, Wed, Thurs., night so i get off Friday morning at 8am then i am off for the weekend.  Is that is whats making him act out?  I don't know.  I have been talking with the counselor at school.  I am scared that we may have something else going on that we may have to put him on   medication witch is that last thing we would like to do.  We want him to be him and not a drug kid that we don't know.  Was wondering what other peoples thoughts.  Please help!!!  I am at my last wits end with him.  He is a really good boy when he isn't throwing his fits.  He also sleeps with dad and i still when dad is home and when dad isn't home it makes me feel safe to have all the kids sleep with me when i am home at night.  If i am not at home at night he sleeps in  dad and I's,  bed still.  He will even sleep in it by himself.  Is he suffering from  Depression or is it just Anxiety?


This discussion is related to 7 year old having problems with depression and separation anxiety.

[specialmom]

I must say, I'm feeling sorry for your son.  I know that parents have to do what they have to do----  and I'm sure you are doing your best.  But he NEEDS and needed more of your time (and dads).  Like I said, I am sure you are trying----  but I think it is understandable why he is feeling the way he is.  Depression and anxiety are clinical states defined by the DSM-4.  They are serious and have criteria that make them what they are.  Lots of people say, I'm depressed (meaning, I'm blue and sad today) or I have anxiety (I'm nervous today).  To be a mental condition, it takes a lot more than that.  Google these and see if your son fits.  If so, you must see a doctor and psychotherapist to help him.

The big question is how does he function once he is at school?  Does he do the work, misbehave, have friends?  Is the school couselor worried about him?  

I don't do a family bed but that is everyone's choice.  I wouldn't do it just for yourself though.  That's not really fair for the kids.  It will be confusing to your kids if it is okay when dad isn't there but they aren't welcome when dad is.  But if as a family---  you choose to do this, than go for it.  I personally need sleep way too much and that would disturb mine and the kids.  

I do think your son could use some counseling.  The coming and going for mom and dad may have made him accidentally felt like an after thought and he may need to sort that out.   Good luck!