Seven year old son hates school

[PGB]

My seven year old son is in second grade.  It has been a fight just to get him to go to school and stay at school ever since the first day of kindergarden.  He quite simply hates it.  Last year in first grade and the year before in kindergarden I got calls at work ALL the time to come get him because he was sick.  Very few times was he really sick.  Mostly he just didn't want to be at school.  He was in trouble almost everyday for playing in class instead of listening.  Yet, he makes all A's on his report cards.  This year, he has a very strict teacher and they have only called me to pick him up 1 time this year.  The 3rd day of school he threw up in the lunch room while they were eating breakfast.  But, he has complained of being sick A LOT.  He's just done it so much when he wasn't sick that his teacher doesn't believe him now.  Who can blame her?  Heck, I don't believe him myself most of the time.  Anyway, he complained of being sick Friday at school, but she didn't believe him so she didn't call me.  Well, sure enough, Friday night he really was sick at his stomach.  Now, I don't blame his teacher, he's cried wolf so much who knows when he's telling the trueth?  But, he got very upset with me because I wouldn't write her a note telling her to call me from now on if he told her he was sick.  He said I would do it for Hunter or Audrey(my other 2 kids).  He really made me feel guilty.  But, I also know he has got to go to school and stay there if he's not really sick.  Help!!! What do I do?  (BTW, he's honor roll this year so far too.)

[AdRi11]

If your child is doing well in school, what is the problem? No child is perfect. My 2nd grade son is failing in all of his classes, hates school, feels sick( nervous stomach) all the time, has unbelievable tantrums and has been a heartache since 13 months old. If my son were getting A's I would be the proudest Mom in the world and if he tells you he feels sick, he probably does( nervous stomach) give him a couple tums and send him to school. Reasure him he is okay,  you love him and he will be fine.That's what I do with my son.
Is he a liar? You should know if he is sick or faking. Use your maternal instinct. Good Luck!

[jdtm]

mine has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety

One caveat here - often children suffering from anxiety are misdiagnosed with ADHD as the behavioural symptoms of anxiety can mimic hyperactivity.  So, be really careful that your child is truly suffering from ADHD before you begin treatment - I would suggest treating the anxiety first to see if the behavioural symptoms lessen (and this might take a year or two).  By the way, anxiety is a genetic trait and will be with your child for life (although with proper treatment the prognosis is excellent for a "normal" life).

You have already started to help your son by seeing a physician and getting a diagnosis.  Next, I would suggest that you educate yourself on this issue by googling words/phrases as "anxiety disorders in children" or "anxiety behaviors in children" or "social anxiety in children" or similar words/phrases.  Treatment for children suffering from anxiety should be a multi-modal approach involving intervention, therapy and possibly medication.  If your family doctor is not able to help you in this regard, then ask for a referral to a medical specialist with experience in anxiety disorders as a child psychologist or child neurologist or child psychiatrist.  

If a support group for those suffering or dealing with anxiety exists in your area, then that would be another area of education (your health unit or family doctor should be able to give you this information).  There are also many, many forums on the internet which can offer guidance and assistance re this topic as well as many excellent books, speakers and workshops.  Anxiety can be a disabling, invisible disability but unlike most other "disabilities", those with anxiety can "overcome" their irrational fears and lead a very productive and "normal" life.

Just curious - what did your doctor offer as treatment after the diagnosis?  I wish you the best ....

[caleuph]

I know you posted this in 2006, and am curious how your son is doing now in 2009.  I am in that same boat, my now 7 year old has always hated school also, but unlike your son, mine has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety.  My husband and I want so badly to help him but just don't know where to start.  Any advice would be welcomed.

[shubhangi]

I attend a child who is 5 years of age he hates going to school, he hates to do his home work etc.....
he has an elder brother who is  special child with Cerebral Palsy. and he is very much jeolous of him, he just hates him as his elder brother gets more attention. when his mom understood this reason she started giving him more attention but still he hates his brother

[jdtm]

Dear pgb:

Is your child suffering from anxiety?  Anxiety means "intense distress which can reach toxic levels" and often is an inherited disorder.  The fact that your son has always "hated" school and the fact that he often "gets sick" at school indicates this may be your problem.  Children with anxiety may have social problems, have difficulty eating and using the washroom, have difficulty being separated from caregivers, or be overly fearly of "ordinary" things.  

I have copied a list of physical and mental/emotional changes in the body affected by anxiety from a site in Canada.  Of course, not every person suffering from anxiety will display every symptom, but if your son has several, I would suggest you contact your pediatriction.  Hope this helps -

Joan


http://anxietybc.com/site/

The part below is a direct quote from the above site -

The list below describes some of the sensations or feelings that go along with the physiological changes that can occur during the fight-flight-freeze response.  ALL human beings will experience these types of symptoms when they feel afraid or fearful.


Rapid heart, heart palpitations, pounding heart
Sweating
Trembling or shaking
Shortness of breath or smothering sensations
Dry mouth or feeling of choking
Chest pain or discomfort
Nausea, stomach distress or gastrointestinal upset
Cold chills or hot flushes
Dizziness, unsteady feelings, lightheadedness, or faintness
Feelings of unreality or feeling detached from oneself
Numbing or tingling sensations
Visual changes (e.g., light seems too bright, spots, etc.)
Blushing or red blotchy skin (especially around face)
muscle tension, twitching, weakness or heaviness


The following are also common symptoms of anxiety that can occur along with physical symptoms of the fight-flightresponse.

mind going blank, difficulty concentrating, or difficulty making decisions
difficulty sleeping
disturbing dreams or nightmares
intrusive or unwanted thoughts or memories
feeling the urge to escape from certain situations
feeling the urge to avoid certain situations, experiences, places or people
feeling a need to be on guard even when no signs of danger
fearful thoughts about what is happening or what might happen

[anxiousmomtobe?]

And maybe he's just bored.  Bright kids often are....

Maybe he needs more of a challenge?

[PGB]

Now THAT is what my husband says.  I'm going to bring that up to his teacher to.  I hope it's not just hating school.  He's still got 10 more years & then college.  And he is definately going!

[PGB]

Oh gracious no.  Now, my 9 year old, he might be a different story.  But my seven year old just plows right on into whatever is there!  He never meets a stranger.  You could put him in a room full of 7 yr. olds that he has never met before and he would pick a group out, go right up and start playing with them.  He shows no signs of anxiety at all.

[PGB]

Thanks for the input.  I'll check into.  Worth a shot.  I'm tired of fighting him to make him go.  But, if that's what it is, it's been going on for 3 years because this has been going on since day 1.  He had the same teacher in kindergarden my 9 year old had.  His first grade teacher wasn't the same.  Now he has the same second grade teacher.  Pretty sure the teacher isn't going to be it.  It could be a bully I guess.  But the way he fights with his older brother and cousins, he never hesitates to jump on anyone, regardless of how much bigger they are.  It would really be easier for me to believe he was bullying someone else's child.  But, like I said, I will check into it.  I will call the school and set up an appointment for a conference with his teacher and also talk to some of his friends parents and see if they can find out from their kids what the problem is.  I could be wrong.  We'll see.  Thanks and I hope you got everything worked out with your daughter.

[star queen]

First of all, what is going on in school?  Something is going on he isn't telling you about. Someting he doesn't want to face or talk about.  Bullies?  Was he embarrassed?  Is he being laughed at?  Is he ashamed of something?   My daughter didn't want to go to school because a teacher told her to stay in one area of the playground and if she didn't, some unknown bad thing would happen to her. She wouldn't go off the sidewalk or play with others, or go to the bathroom.  She ate her lunch under a tree in front of the school because we couldn't get her to go into the lunchroom. We couldn't understand why she was acting out until our second child came up and asked us what would actually happen if she didn't stay in that area.  My daughter was scared to death and wouldn't tell because the teacher's aid told  her unknown bad things happened to kids who tell. Well, neither are teaching anymore.  Don't look the other way, but dig until you find out what is the problem at school. Talk to other kids and see if they will talk about what is/has been going on. Someone knows. good luck