Severe Separation Anxiety in 2 year old

[montelem]

Hi,

I operate a small montessori program for toddlers and have a question about a new family and child.  The little girl is just 2.  Her parents practice attachment parenting and say that they have never left her with anyone else. Dad works from home and has always been able to work around their schedule.  She does go to some classes, but always with her dad or mom present and interacting with her. She also has a new baby brother (just 9 weeks old).  When they have attempted to leave her in the past she had severe meltdowns and did not stop crying.  They were always forced to come back to get her.  I had her come in for a couple of mornings with her dad.  After 4 days (2 days each week) she is interacting with the other children and me more, but still spends a considerable amount of time checking in with her dad.  He was able to leave for about 3-4 minutes to get something from his car, but after this she broke down crying when he went in to use the bathroom and closed the door. My questions are the best way to approach this in the classroom?  I am okay with the dad staying and getting to gradually interact more with us and less with him, but how long should the process take?  Just any suggestions bout how to get them through this.

Thanks

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There is no way to predict how long this will take, since the parents are making it more difficult than it has to be. By their behavior they are choosing to convey to this little girl that their constant presence is critical; they are not really allowing her to learn something different. You mention that on some occasions the parents were 'forced' to return. They were not forced; they chose to return. And as long as they adopt that approach the child will have a very difficult time separating from them.