Severe behavior problem

My nephew turned 3 this last October. He is severely incapable of understanding the word no and is destructable and is awful around crowds and the family can't take him anywhere.  He is also that way if we come over to visit.  He has been seen by a psychiatrist in Birmingham Alabama who says he has severe anxiety separation problem with his mom and OCD but they were an autism clinic and couldn't help him.  His pediatrician doesn't make any referrals and had to beg for the autism clinic.  He is on Medicaid.  He really needs help.  It is awful, and everyone is running out of patience.  He had spina bifida as a baby and had tethering of spinal cord and had surgery on that in huntsville, AL.  I am wondering if that could be causing his behavior, but whatever the cause, we need to know of how to get him treatment.  He is on Medicaid.  I don't know if this is why no one wants to help but there is got to be help out there or a website or a nonprofit organization that we can check into.  if you know of the next step to take, please share it with me.  He gets on my patience within 5 minutes around him.  The family that lives with him, it is almost unbearable.  I believe medicine would help but I don't know if it would or not.  WE are all discouraged b/c no one wants to help.

Thank you,
worried aunt of everyone involved

[specialmom]

With what you describe, I'm sure someone has talked to his parents about developmental delays.  There are several, speech and language, sensory integration, etc.  I would contact your local school system (the public schools) and request an evaluation to be done in the areas of speech, occupational therapy and psychiatric.  By law they must do this and if he qualifies, he can start the early intervention preschool program.  He'd receive services through this as well-----  all of which would be free as it is provided by law to young children.  It also gets him ready for the world of school ahead of him.  I'm surprised with his issues he was followed at birth inthe birth to 3 program . . . but that is water under the bridge.

I will tell you that this child is most likely doing the very best he can.  If he doesn't like crowds . . . maybe crowds aren't the best place for him.  Making accomadations for our children is a must for good parenting.  Not all the time does he HAVE to be in the crowd, right?  So if it isn't necessary----  don't go.  That is a better solution than saying "hey kid, you SHOULD be comfortable and I don't care if you arent'."  What if he nervous system is becoming so overloaded that he feels like he is going to explode?  What if it is so loud that his brain is screaming with the sounds?  What if his mind becomes jumbled because of the overstimulation that he can't think straight at all?  All wouldn't be his fault but would look like bad behavior to you and his parents.  

An occupational therapist would be valuable as well.  They can diagnose any sensory issues as well as start therapy which looks like play and kids LOVE it.  They also strategize different situations that a child encounters to make it better for the child (and really-----  parents need to understand that it IS about the child and not just making their own life easier.)  

My son has a delay-----  he's smart, he met all of his milestones on time and is a great kid.  But his nervous system doesn't work right all the time.  

Seek early intervention through his school system and tell his parents HAVE to be patient . . . it is the ONLY chance this kid has to make it through successfully. Good luck.