Should I be concerned about my almost four year old's recent strange behaviour?

My daughter will soon be 4 years old. We have always found her to be a precocious, but demanding child. As a baby, she was very smiley and intercative. She was at the same daycare from the time she was 10 months to 3 and a half years old. As a toddler, her educator commented on her wonderful progress. She was late integrating with other kids her age, but she came around and started playing well with the other 3 to 4 year olds at her old daycare.

She has grown up in a bilingual environment (French and English), so we thought it was normal to have some language delays. She still confuses pronouns at times; but she learns new words easily, and speaks clearly. She likes to ask questions, but doesn’t sustain a conversation. She can be repetitive. We find her to be very sociable. She is happy to see people and tries to talk with them; but doesn’t always respond well to questions.

We moved in December and changed daycares.I also returned to work full time. She started a new daycare and played with others (especially one little boy who is a year younger). But recently, she has lost interest in the other kids (who are babies and/or 2 year olds). She is also having more regular tantrums. At times, she seems to be in her own world. At the playground, she goes to other kids, but gets bored easily if she is not actively engaged by them. I think it is difficult for her because she is more at ease with English, but the children at the playground and daycare speak French.

I am concerned because someone (not a “professional”, but someone who knows kids) observed her ONE TIME at her daycare and recommended that she be evaluated because her social behaviours are not normal. I was told that cognitively, she is great; but her eye contact and desire to play alone are a concern. Her regular daycare provider  believes it is a phase. (Her behaviour changed when I went away for three full days.) She never had tantrums at daycare and now she does. Should she be tested for ADHD or ASD?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's not surprising she might have a bit of struggle in the wake of all the change. She underwent quite a bit of change for a child so young. I really do not see the need for specialized intervention. There is no idication of either ADHD or ASD.

[allmymarbles]

And don't be concerned about your daughter being bilingual. Three of my kiddies were bilingual and one was trilingual. The only effect it had was to enrich their lives.

[Amethyst_]

Your story is so familiar! I have a gorgeous 16 year old that has lived her entire existence in the same manor you are explaining. As a child she didn't communicate well with children but loved to talk to adults. She spoke literally of her boredom with children in 4-5 grade and came home crying when they said she was weird. Concerned, I took her to be tested as I didn't want her to suffer the wrath of the other children. My heart was breaking. I was president of my school, captain of the cheerleading squad and voted best sense of humor. I thought her world was over if she couldn't communicate with these kids especially at such a young age. After testing showed she had ADD I put her on medication very reluctantly. After two weeks and five pounds lost I threw the crap meds down the toilet and excepted her for who she is! Today she is fabulous! She is a cheerleader during football season which is the only athletic endeavor she has ever been interested in and she passed 10 th grade with a 3.0 and no medication!!!! Some kids are different than what the world wants. GOOD we need them. She has friends, goals, fun and a great big heart. She definitely is the biggest homebody you have ever met because here she feels free to be but other than working really hard in school ( those early years are very tough on you mom) she is great. She is starting college in the fall during her junior year and will earn an associates degree while finishing high school. Please try not to worry too much. I know it is hard. I would suggest if I could go back and knew everything that I know now, to get her into the arts, anything, may take a lot of trial and error but you have to get her to express herself. Don't make a big deal of the friend thing. You will give her a complex. Get her interested in organizing, organizing, organizing. Start with her crayons and never stop. I eventually found a school, perocial, which tested her IQ, stated they could tell she may be ADD and swore they would work mind, body and soul to help her organize herself and in two years she gained, strength, knowledge and self esteem. NO MEDS. She knows how to deal with her world as her world will always be the same but without drugs. To meet her today you would NEVER know unless I told you.