Should I be providing better discipline or medical help?

My daughter is 12 years old and is a very sweet and loving child. The problem is she refuses to do anything she doesn't want to do. She doesn't act violently or say she won't do something she is told to do. She simply finds ways to avoid activity she dislikes - schoolwork or chores of any kind. One teacher who had her in elementary school for 2 years stated that she has only seen a student like my daughter a couple of times in her 20 years of teaching. The teacher told me that she had exhausted her efforts in trying to motivate my child. She said she had tried to reward, encourage, inspire, use peer pressure, discipline and even shame my daughter into cooperation. At some point, I have tried to set firm schedules, reward her, take away every priviledge and ground her without much success. Once I told her she could go outside and play with her friends only if she cleaned her room and she would remain grounded until she complied. After a month, I abandoned this technique because she said she would rather stay indoors forever rather than clean her room. She will lie outrageously to gain sympathy or garner support without any thought to the repercussions of her actions. Does she need better discipline or is this a behavioral problem worthy of medical attention?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Renee,

Your daughter displays signs of emotional disturbance, and I would not recommend trying to manage this any longer by parenting tactics alone. It would be wise to seek professional assistance from a pediatric mental health professional.