Sibling squabbles

  I have four children, two sets of identical twins.  The boys, 11, have always been close.  Although they fight occasionally, most of the time they get along.  (They are OK separately, also.  They are in different classes and some different activities.)  However, the girls, 7, say they hate each other.  Often.  While they can play together peacefully for a short time, it's rare for a hour to go by without a screaming battle which frequently escalates to hitting and kicking (for which they are sent to separate rooms for time out).  Both girls are doing well in school, and their (separate) teachers say they get along normally with their classmates.  Unfortunately, we live in an isolated house in an extremely cold climate and there is often little option but for them to be together.  I have read several books about sibling rivalry, but nothing seems to help much except giving them as many separate activities as possible.  Maybe this is just my problem because I think they should get along better?  (It strikes me as funny when one will call the other...identical appearing...one, fat, ugly, mean, stupid, etc.)  Anyway, do you have any suggestions?

[HVM M.D. - EV]

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Dear Mother of Twins,
    Thank you for your inquiry.  It sounds as though you have your hands full with 4 school aged children. Also - it sounds like you're doing a good job.
     With regard to your girls - I think you should continue to expect acceptable behavior - which means no screaming, no hitting, no kicking, no calling each other names.  If these behaviors occur - there has to be some kind of "payback" - like time out or denial of a treat.   There is no reason why your daughters can't be NICE to each other.  But I know this is easier said than done. Sit them down - either singly or together - and tell them BRIEFLY that this is what you expect.  Do the best you can to maintain your own CALM.  It may take lots of repetition - but is worth the effort required.
     And don't forget to recognize good behavior - even little rewards for good time spent together. Something simple like stickers or stars on a chart can go a long way.
     I think it is very reassuring to know that your girls do well as individuals.  Perhaps when they are together - there is a certain amount of sorting out that must take place. Sibling rivalry is not always a bad thing - and may speak to their strong characters. So good luck - Follow your instincts - Dr. EV.