Siblings sexual Behavior

My 4 and half year old daughter told me that her 12 year old brother laid on her and was moving up and down and that he touched her private part and rubbed it over her panties.(both incidents they were clothed with pajamas on) I confronted my 12 year old and asked what was going on and he denied that he got on top of her and said she was lying but he admitted that he did rub her private part for 2 seconds when she kept asking and telling him to do it over and over again so that she would leave him alone so he could go to sleep. I should mention that she has been sleeping in his room for the last couple of months because we moved into a new house and she is afraid to sleep in her own room so she has been sleeping in the pull out bed on the floor near his bed.My 4 year old said that he touched her private once and laid on top of her moving up and down 2 or 3 times. Obviously, she will never sleep in his room again. I have talked to both of them over the years about their private parts and that you dont let anyone touch them. Is this normal behavior? I did freak out on my 12 year old and spanked him and after I calmed down I told him that she is much younger than him and explained all the reasons why this behavior is unnacceptable and will never happen again. Should I get him help?
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[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No, this is not to be regarded as normal behavior. One thing that is pretty typical of tweleve-year-olds is an increase in sexual urgers due to hormonal changes typical of their stage of development (early adolescence). Sometimes it can be difficult to control sexual impulses. It would be prudent to have him evaluated. Perhaps looking back on the situation you can see that 'freaking out' and spanking him were not useful responses on your part. Talk with him calmly about the matter, educate him, again set a firm limit on such contact. Be sure he apologizes to his sister for what occurred.