Significant potty training regression at 4 1/2

[ckbk]

Last month, my 4 1/2 yr old son (he will be 5 end of May) began wetting his bed several times a week.  Last week, he began wetting his pants and urinating on the floor and furniture multiple times a day.  He is not ashamed and can be somewhat defiant after he does it. His father and I were very angry and upset at first. We have tried to discuss it with him, but he cannot express why he's doing this and usually sobs when we verbally scold him.  We've tried the reward system and even spanked him, which we have only done a handful of times in his life.

He never required potty training; he received character underwear for his third birthday and never wore a diaper again, even at night.  His father and I never had to ask him to use the toilet for urination or a BM.

Significant events in our home include a long-distance move three months ago, which was very difficult for him, and the potty training of our almost-three-year-old son.  

Please help, we are so concerned about this.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This sort of regression is usually indicative of emotional turmoil, and a child of four is unable to articulate a rationale for behavior. It is entirely possible that your relocation is at the root of the problem; your son's world has literally been turned upside down. Sometimes the circumstances of a sibling (e.g., addressing potty training) can promote regression. Whatever the case, suffice it to say that it is reasonable to conclude that emotional unrest is the cause of your son's regression. Now, if the relocation itself is the cause, rest assured that your son will return to his baseline behavior over time. If some more chronic or acute strain is at the root of the behavior, it would be important to address whatever that strain is. That is, when relevant, the stressor needs to be removed or ameliorated. In other circumstances, such as a relocation, adjustment to the new situation will bring relief. Try to address the situation in a non-punitive fashion, but do set limits and enforce them. If you don't see any improvement over the next couple of weeks, seek an evaluation with a pediatric mental health professional.

[TydensMom]

A related discussion, My 4 1/2 yr old sons BM problems was started.