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Situation with 5 yr old escalted
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Situation with 5 yr old escalted

I posted last month about my son having issues in K and his teacher not being able to assist or console him. This is the teacher with 8 students in her class. My son is doing 1st & 2nd grade work outside of his classroom. In the last four months my son went from a controllable hyperactive kid to a socio-emotional mess!  I finally got a shadow for him at my expense , even though he is not diagnoised with anything, just to assess the situation. The shadow's reports are, the teacher has no curriculum, no boundaries, no routines, no strucutre at all. She plans the days events daily with no formal plan of any kind. She cannot control the class and feels that my son is spoiled. Meanwhile the principal had no clue what was going on in class and it seems that the entire school needs a make over. Small, private catholic school.
The shadow said that my son is less hyper and less anxious and totally aware of his behavior when she is there. He wants to do better but seems to be troubled by something. What she observed at first was of hyper, active, does finish tasks but likes to get up alot, hitting and getting angry for no reason. Now over the last week, my son has been threateing other kids in class. Saying he will punch them, beat them till they are bloodly. I am totally  devasted as I have never witnessed such aggressvie behavior. He gets along fine outside of school and in activities. At this point in the school year its too late to change schools. I am meeting a play therapist today so she can help. I am hoping with play therapy, and the shadow in school we can get through this school year with minimal damage.
Or should I pull him out now? Then he will be at home with a sitter instead of school. I am so upset.My son does not want to go into class and has started crying in the morning when I leave and when the shadow leaves. Please some advice.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey-- I remember your posts.

I get that its too late to change schools -- but its not too late to pull him out.I really think you ought do this.

The shadow you hired said your child is troubled by something. That's true-- its this class. You have described a child who is nervous in the class without structure. It makes him upset that the adult is not in charge-- he is reacting as if he is scared -- and he probably is. Not for his physical sake, mind you -- but to a child there is no difference between physical and mental.

So--here it is:

1. You can leave him in that school-- where he is unhappy, you are unhappy, everyone is unhappy-- and he can continue to deteriorate, or
2. You can pull him out and leave him somewhere where it is not painful/ scary for him.

The worst thing that could happen is he would have to go to K somewhere else next year when you find another school. That probably won't happen anyway- -- K is usually optional for children ( I know it is in MD and PA -- not sure about NY.)


You have gone over and above to try to make this school work for your family and your child. It doesn't work. There is nothing more you can do. Pull him out.
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165308_tn?1323190145
Kindergarten is not mandatory in NY either.  I am a second grade teacher and used to teach kindergarten.  Children at this age definitely need structure, rules and consequences.  It seems that he may fear being there becuase there are no boundaries.  I have seem this happen in other K classes with basically well behaved children run completely wild AND are afraid of school.  Students at this age like boundaries and need to feel safe and secure.  

I would also say to take him out of the school.  However, I hope that this does not begin a new mindset for him that if he doesn't like school he doesn't have to go.  I would suggest putting him in a new school until the end of the year (first go and visit and watch the teacher to see if she has the necessary discipline that you would like her to have).  It is never to late to change the school.  It happens everyday and your son will adjust very quickly...Kids adjust much faster than us!
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree that he would be better off at home at this point because school is actually hurting him at this point. However, I dont want him to think that school is an option and if we dont like something we can just leave. I am actually speaking with a new school this afternoon. I am afraid to discuss what is going on with the principal only because he may think that my son is just trouble and may not want him in the school. Today, schools just dont want to deal with anything out of the norm.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm glad you are speaking to another school. I think its ok to talk to the principal about what your expectations are for the school -- what you feel you need for your son's success. Just because your child has some different needs and maybe other children don't seem to have these needs-- doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him or you or your family or anything like that.Your only job is to find what works for your son -- that's it. Everyone is different.
Also your son is young-- he won't get the message that he can just stay home and not go to school. What message he will get is that school is not supposed to make you miserable -- so finding the right school is worth the effort.
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165308_tn?1323190145
A agree with the above post that having a bad experience can set your son up for disliking school.  He really needs to get out of there if he is that upset.  You don't even have to tell him the reason why.  You can say that school is done for this year.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I just hope that this aggressive and threatening behavior towards other kids is just a result of the classroom enviornment and not something more serious.
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Avatar_f_tn
Well, if changing schools and/or waiting until fall to send him to another school does not work, then you know that you need to go back to the drawing board for a re-evaluation. But note that you have already had several evaluations on him-- and they all said there is nothing really of note-- he needs structure and won't do well without it. So ya gotta find the structure.
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