Six year old girl

My six year old daughter has been giving me  alot of problems in regards to getting dress( she doesn't like her clothes, nothing fits, it's to tight-comments that she makes) , combing her hair( she doesnot like it, it hurts , only babies have there hair that way)  and getting basic things done. I make sure that things fit and she wears uniform to school but yet compalings about it.  She answers back, yells , screams and cries.  She is mean and unfair to her brother ( 8 yrs old).  Yet there is times when she is so loving and nice and wants be hugged and kissed.  She is a smart girl , does well in school (she is in the 1st grade) and has lots of friends.  I have not had complaints from the teacher.  My question is how to I deal with her without loosing my patience? I have tried time - out ( no more than six minutes b/c of her age), taking away privelegas, talking to her about her actions, having her pick between thing ( clothes for example ) but nothing seems to work.  It seems to have gotten worse in the last 2 months.  Nothing in our house has changed.  We are a stable family. We give her love and attention. She has extra curricular activities that she wanted.  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Since your daughter's difficulties are confined to the family situation, particularly the parent/child interaction, I'm going to suggest that you follow in detail the guidelines in the book SOS Help for Parents, by Lynn Clark. If you read this Forum on a regular basis, you will recognize the title of the book because I recoomend it often. It is the single most practical, useful, effective guide for managing children's behavior. You will be pleased with the results if you take it seriously and implenent in according to Dr. Clark's guidelines. Relative to the issue of maintaining your patience, that is something you can achieve with practice and self-discipline. It's interesting how we, in our roles as parents, sometimes assume that we are going to lose our patience. This does not have to happen; we allow it to happen. Go into interactions with the assumption that you are not going to lose your patience, that you are going to remain calm and in control. You're in charge of your emotions; they aren't in charge of you.