Sleeping/Behavior problem

[Shauhncy]

Hello all. I am having trouble with my almost 4 year old's bedtime routine and need some advice.

My son is with me half time and with his father half time. His father is very attentive and a very good father.
However, he is a little too relaxed. He is single and doesn't have much going on, so he just goes to sleep with my son whenever it's bedtime. He rocks him to sleep and lays down and goes to sleep (around 9:00.) He leaves the tv on for him to watch until he's asleep and lays with him the whole time.

I, on the other hand, would like to have my son sleep in his own bed and be in bed about 8:30 with no TV. I think this is healthier for him- to get more of the amount of sleep he should have. Lately, I have let him sleep in my bed because he HATES his own bed & I am recently divorced, so I feel bad for him. I am read to get back in a routine.

In both households, he has to be up around 6:30, so to get his 10 1/2 hours of sleep, he should be asleep by 8. This NEVER happens because of how late he is up at both houses.

I want to get him back on a routine of going to his bedroom, reading a book, and laying down with music and a nightlight by 8 or 8:30.

The problem is he screams and cries for hours if I do not lay down with him, because he is used to his father laying down with him all night. Even if I let him sleep in my bed and watch cartoons until he falls asleep, he cries for me to lay with him and says he is scared.

I need advice on what I should do to get this routine worked out? Am I being too harsh by making him sleep alone and in his own room, since his dad does the opposite? My son also cries for his dad when these things don't go his way because that's what he's used to, and I can't blame him for that, but it makes me feel bad and makes me feel like a hard ***.

Should I even try to make his routine completely different at my house? Or should I lay down with him all night, so he is happy, since his dad does that, and that will make it consistent.

Side info- I cannot get his dad to agree to put him in his own bed at 8 and turn the TV off. When he continues to cry, he gives in. So that seems to be a lost cause. I will be trying to convince him of the negative side effects of letting him stay up later and watching TV late, and babying him all night, butI have to look at what I can do to, aside from that because I don't think he will ever listen.

Thanks in advance for the advice!

Shauhn

[supermomma531]

There is nothing that you can do to change things in his fathers house. The best that you can do is keep talking to him. When your son is in your house, it is your rules. You and his father need to come to an agreement in order to raise your son in a healthy environment. This means being on the same page as one another. You both have to give a little to get the best for your child. If you believe that he should be sleeping on his own in your house, then follow this routine. Don't let him get his way just because things are different at his fathers house. He'll have to learn to adjust to things. It doesn't hurt to give in sometimes though, maybe on a weekend or at a special holiday or something. But you are right about the fact that children need their proper amount of sleep. Children learn by action and repetitiveness. You also have to remember that this situation may be confusing to him to go between the two residences as well. He probably remembers when you were all a happy family and is wondering why that isn't happening anymore. This is his whole entire world being turned upside down and inside out for him. If you stick to your routine with him, things will finally fall into place. Try a star chart with him for his good behavior. You can give him a star to put on his chart for every time he goes to bed on time and so on and so fourth. If he completes his chores and helps you like a big boy, he can earn up to so many stars a day, and maybe every so often he can be treated to a play date with a friend or sleep over at grandmas house or a special toy or something like this. What ever works for you. Talk to him about his feelings so that he knows that he can be open and honest with you about anything. Praise him for all of his good behavior. But also make sure that you discipline with timeouts for he behavior that he does wrong. Children will do just about anything for attention. It doesn't matter to them if the attention is good or bad. Try to get him involved in being "mommy's big boy helper!" Children love this type of stuff so if you get him to help you with maybe washing the vegetables for dinner, then he'll feel like he is being a helper. Provide lots of activity. Maybe try to do something different with him every time such as baking, playing a game, going to the park to play, whatever suits you and your child. Give him choices into what he might want to do. Either play a game or do some baking or coloring or painting, etc.

Ask your son what he is scared of, maybe if you address this problem and let him help you get rid of the problem, he'll calm down. Use a calendar with him to help him to keep track of when he goes to "daddy's house". You could try to use the " how many sleeps is left before he goes to daddy's house. Good luck.