Sleeping alone

[Kevan Wilson]

My wife and I difer significantly on this issue. she travels quite often and when gone, our 21 month old daughter sleeps well through the night and in her own bed.
When my wife is home, our daughter tends to "fuss" more and ends up most nights in our bed.
I believe we are "training" her to do this but my wife feels that our daughter is upset about something else and requires reassurance by being with us.

We've read a lot on this topic and i guess i'm looking for help in determining the best, consistent approach.
Is it better for me to give up and just allow our daughter to move in? Or is their another method, as I don't think my wife is willing to let our daughter "cry it out".

Thanks

Kevan

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Mr. Wilson,

You have put your finger on the problem and on the solution. Your daughter is able to sleep through the night - the evidence already indicates this. Unwittingly, she is being encouraged to fuss because there is a reward for doing so - i.e., she might end up in your bed.

There's no reasonable alternative. You've got to bite the bullet and let her cry - she'll be fine. Often parents are reluctant to do this because they think they're doing some harm to their child. But of course they're not doing harm; they're actually helping their child learn a very important thing: how to fall asleep alone and remain asleep through the night.

[A Mom That Never Gets to Sleep Alone]

Your wife sounds just like my husband!  He can't stand to let them cry.  I have a 7 year old that just started first grade and just in the last two months is sleeping in his own bed.  We also have a 3 year old who sleeps with us every night.  We have to sneek off to be alone.

I've given up.  I can't "fight" the kids when I can't get my husband to let them cry. I can't see that making them cry when he isn't there is fair to them.  They either sleep in our bed, without trama, or the don't.

[Cynthia]

Every parent has to learn that sometimes you have to let your child "cry it out" for their own good.  If your wife does not learn this now, she is in for a very hard 18 years.  Good Luck.