Smart 13 yr old w/cocky attitude

[Linda71]

Hello,

My son will be 13 yrs old in two weeks. He has always been a very bright child. Through his elementary school years  his teachers would ask me to place him in advanced classes, and once was advised to skip him a grade up, which he  did not want. He did not want to leave his friends behind and absolutely did not want to have anything to do with advanced classes. I respected his wishes and he had a normal elementary school experience.

In the last two years I have noticed that he, himself, has come to the realization of his mental capacity. Unfortunately, I think that with this realization his attitude has changed a lot. He has become this cocky ( I feel horrible having to use this word in regards to my own son, but it describes this attitude the most) ***. He has always had some anger issues, for which we did Seek professional psychotherapy help. The therapist told me that he is not only very intelligent, but also extremely sensitive; therefore needed extra understanding and Patience. I have done the best that I can as a single parent; things get better for a little while, and then we are back to square one. In the past two years he has been grounded more than in his entire life. He is bored, but doesn't want any extra classes, his grades are going down b/c he does not turn in HW and assignments, but has A+ on all quizzes and test. The ony time I see him happy now, is when he is with his friends. He has about 6 close friends that he has known since elementary school, who are also very bright, except for one. When he is with them he seems so happy, or when they sleep over, and when he stays over any of his friends house the parents are thrilled with him. I hear comments like, "respectful, considerate, helpful, polite". It's like they are talking about another child.

I do not know what else to do! I am at my wits end. I have talked to him, taken privileges away, and there are not many privileges in our house so you would think that would work. HELP!!
Any help and advice is greatly appreciated.


Thanks

Linda

[chigirl29]

It sounds like puberty.  No matter how gifted your son is, he will have to experience puberty and it will probably drive you nuts.  I don't want mine to ever get to that age:)  I feel for you.  Just hang in there and be persistent.  I did the same thing in school regarding homework and quizzes, and I turned out alright.  

[momagain59]

He sounds like an average teen, as far as his attitude goes. Good luck and Pray alot.

[AHP84]

My sister is 12 and is going through this in a girl way. Her attitude drives my mom and me nuts! She is intelligent as well, although I don't think to the point of qualifying for advanced classes or anything, but she has a lot of wit and social common sense. But the attitude! Ugh!
And her friends' parents all say the same thing about her; she's respectful, polite, considerate, charming, a real joy to have over, blah blah blah. If only they knew, lol.
Be patient, it is just a puberty thing combined with the newfound "independence" they feel they're experiencing as a teen. My sister's attitude has improved a little bit in the last year, but she still thinks she knows everything and her poop don't stink on average of five days a week!
I've come to find that the most successful way I can deal with her, as her sister, is to either ignore the attitude completely or put my foot down when it gets out of hand (she stays at my house a couple days a week) by telling her she's being a rude you-know-what and to cut it out, or I won't take her to taekwondo classes (which is why she stays at my house). But when she's being polite and helpful and considerate, I point it out to her with lots of praise. I tell her how much I appreciate her help around the house and with my son, or how pleasant she is to be around and that I'm glad to spend time with her.

[redneckmom]

I am confused.  What do you mean, HE doesn't want any extra classes?  If he is bored and not doing well in his regular classes and teachers are telling you to challenge him then why aren't you?  Who is the parent here?  Have him get a notebook signed by each teacher and by you at home to make sure homework and assignments are being turned in on time and completed.  He needs something to be proud of.  If he is really proud of something and it is taken away that will get his attention.  Also, if he doesn't feel like the good things he does are noticed then he won't feel the need to do them.  If he gets 4 A's and 1 D are you focusing on the As or the D?  Focus more on the A's.  It will make him want to do better.  Give him a reward for great grades.  This doesn't have to be money or a posession.  Ask him what would be something nice to work for.  Good luck and I'm sure the attitude is a little bit puberty and a little bit control and lack of respect.