Social Crying???

[TRJ]

3 1/2 year old son.  Always happy and easy going up until about 4  months back.  He has started crying every time he does not get his way.  Not whining but actual tears on the cheaks and snot running down the nose crying. If he is with friends and they are using a toy he wants he'll start crying, if you don't do what he asks he starts crying, can't have a cookie he starts crying. If one of his friends in not outside he'll start crying, Very recently  he's added the phrase: "Your not my friend" or "I don't like you" to his crying fits.

Once he starts crying we do not change our stance. We had hoped that this would not reinforce the behavior. It seems the crying has become a regular part of his personality.

Books and articles have told us to ignore, discuss, try to calm, or use a time out. We've tried all without success.  Recently I've heard his playmates telling him that they don't want to play with him because he crys to much.  Typically we have been able to rectify most other behavioral issues through time outs & discussions.

At this point I'm getting timid in allowing him to play without my direct supervision due to the response of his friends to his fits.  A neighbor boy (age 5) left today in the midst of a crying fit. This is so constant and such a change in personality that my wife and I are looking for some direction

He's fairly advanced verbally and tends to play with kids who are 6 months to a year older. My wife and are a married, stable couple, he attends school 3 - half days a week. Usually does not take a nap but will request  one if he is super tired. He has a 1 yr old brother.

Thanks in advance for any insight you can provide.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Such over-sensitivity and lability will likely wane with time. Don't underestimate the impact of having a peer group that is six months or more older - that is a considerable range in such young children, and may contribute to his frustrations in peer interactions. It is the reason so many pre-school programs are organized in groups with very narrow age ranges. Development proceeds in leaps and bounds at these young ages. He would likely do better in a group more his age. I would not adopt a punitive response to the behavior - it does not really require discipline. Nor would I attempt to calm him - it increases the chances of providing secondary gain. A combination of ignoring him and separating him from peers (until he's calmed down) might yield the best dividends.

[justme§thedog]

was he recently weaned from a nap?  Sounds just like my son, who has a sleep-disorder, and a neighbour's son, who had childhood sleep-breathing problems.  Did he start pre-school or change his sleep schedule a few weeks before this started?  If timing puts this around school starting, then i'd wonder if his rest wasn't a contributing factor as well.  He might benefit from an earlier or more routine bedtime.

  

[TRJ]

Thanks- An earlier Bedtime along with ignoring has helped him quite a lot.  Now if we could get him to eat something.....