Socialization

[danette1968]

I have a 11-year old son who has one great friend - but it is his only friend.  He plays with his brother but will quietly excuse himself to his room if children from the neighborhood come to play with his little brother.  He doesn't seem to have friends at school- but he says he doesn't care.  He stays by himself on the playground and at lunch time.  He is involved in Boy Scouts- but he doesn't really play or hang out with the other boys.  He has no interest in sports.  He's 'into' computers and drawing and other introverted activities.  When we ask him about meeting others or just about anytime we have questions for him he starts to tear up and states "I don't know."   I don't know if this could be hormones or he just doesn't know what is going on in his mind.  

I am an extovert so I am thinking that maybe this is all okay and I should let him be the way he is.  But I worry that he will alway be on the outside looking in.  What happens if his one and only buddy
stops being his friend.  I really just want him to be happy and hopefully turn out to be a well adjusted adult human.  Any suggestions would be helpful.
Thanks

[April2]

It sounds like he could be very shy. How did he meet and make friends with his one good friend? And does that friend have other friends that they could all play together?

He sounds a lot like my oldest son. He was rather socially akward. He was extremely smart too and just didn't seem to relate to a lot of kids his age. He did have two or three really good friends in elementary school and pretty much continued being fiends with just a couple of close people he grew up with. He seemed more comfortable with that. Although he did seem to come out of his shell more in high school and even joined the Drama club. Everyone liked him. He was always just more shy and quiet.

It may just be part of his personality. He does have one good friend and that's a good sign. You've already got him in an outside school activity with the Boy Scouts. He may come out of his shell more as he gets older and gains more maturity and confidence.

You say he spends lunch alone and is on the playground alone. Where's his good buddy when this is happening? Does he not go to his school?
This so reminds me of my son in elementary school. My husband and I were really worried for awhile there. We actually went and watched him on the playground when he couldn't see us and we'd see him swinging on the swings alone. It broke our heart. They did have a program offered at his school through the guidance couselor to help teach kids social skills and how to make friends. You can ask if they have something simular at his school.

If it makes you feel better, my son was a lot like that and has grown through that time. He's now in college and just so smart I can't keep up with him! He still doesn't have a lot of friends, but the ones he has are good kids that he was friends with in high school. He is still kind of shy around girls and doesn't have a girlfriend at this point. He had a total of 3 girlfriends so far. It's ok with us though. He's just being picky.
Just keep trying to put him in social settings and help him learn to be more comfortable with them. And be patient. It may take time. You can't push him or it will backfire. Talk with his guidance counselor at school, too, and see what kinds of suggestions he can come up with.
Best wishes.