Soil marks

Please could you extend some advice. I don't know if this is an appropriate forum but I'm at my wits end. I have a wonderful 15 yr. old son who is active in sports, is of above average intelligence, obedient and honest and although somewhat shy and retiring, seems to be socially well adjusted. The problem is that he leaves soil marks in his underwear. This has only occurred in the last two years. I have pleaded with him, tried to reason with him, even scolded him. He embarrassingly promises me that he uses sufficient toilet paper - but the just can't seem to explain why he leaves soil marks. When he explained he sometimes gets an itchy anus - I doused him with deworming medicine - to no avail. My husband thinks I'm overreacting - they're just skid marks he says - perhaps he has a recessed anus. Even he has gently talked to him - and they agreed my son would wash out his own underclothes every time he showers. This morning I found evidence and upon questioning, find out that he now has taken to wedging a wad of toilet paper to try and prevent his "mishaps" - I feel devastated that I have driven him to resort to this.

I fear that this is inappropriate behaviour for a young man or (perhaps I'm the cause of it by my overreaction). Is there such a thing as a "recessed anus"? How do we rectify this problem - I know I have embarrassed him enough - I don't want to go as far as therapy. Any advice would be most welcome.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Jo S.,

A couple of things come to mind. First, is this 'simply' an example of poor hygiene? In other respects, how does your son do around matters of self care? Is this an exception, or is he less than careful in relation to other issues of cleanliness and hygiene?

Second, might he be constipated? Sometimes children and teens can be constipated on a protracted basis, and frequent mild soiling can be indicative of this.

These matters can be difficult to discuss, because they are sensitive for a teenager. It might be useful to schedule a time for him to talk with his pediatrician, and to treat this as a health matter.

[Emily Ann]

Why are you checking your 15 year old  son's underwear, anyway? Leave the poor kid alone! He's probably dying of embarrassment. If it was physically uncomfortable, he would tell you. I think your husband is right.

[Emily Ann]

I agree with the above posting .You sound really over-obsessed about this. It happens to all of us sometimes - please leave your son alone and stop checking for so-called " evidence" .

[Kathy]

This used to bother my mother a great deal and for that reason she always had a pack of baby wipes for us all to use on the back of the toilet. I am 31 years old now and I do the same for my family. You can now buy flushable wipes. My spouse takes them to work in travel packs and so do I.
Try this with your son. Buy them,tell him why,then try not to talk about it anymore. My children are so used to this that it bothers them to feel dirty.They all carry wipes in their backpacks.