Son can't handle discipline

[JamesJessie]

My seven year old son has never been able to handle even the slightest form of discipline. Even the simple look of disapproval sends him into a state of panic. He begins to breathe heavily, sweat and hold his heart. I have to talk him through it and explain calmly that there is nothing to be frightened of. He is a good boy and almost NEVER gets into trouble. We couldn't even make it through a simple time out or ask him to go to his room to calm down because of the physiological episodes he goes through. It's heartbreaking. What do we do when he really needs to understand that a behavior is unacceptable?  


This discussion is related to Hyperventilating or panic attack.

[RockRose]

Hmmm.  If he's really a rule follower,  and a disapproving look causes him to panic,  maybe that's enough?

One of my sons never needs to be punished.  Never,  ever.  He's 13 and if he knows what the rules are,  he'll follow them.  If he makes an error in judgement because he didn't know it was against the rules,  simply telling him that wasn't acceptable is enough.  

My middle son needs consistent consequences and my oldest son can be reasoned with and doesn't usually have to experience any consequences.  Both both the older ones do sometimes stray outside the rules.

I think with your boy you don't need to punish him, do you?  Just tell him to cut it out and he will.  

[SL345]

He sounds like the kind of kid who you should begin every exchange about his behavior with a positive, and try to focus more on what he's doing right than what he does wrong. There is such as thing as positive discipline where the focus is on reinforcing positive behavior and ignoring negative behavior (assuming there are no safety concerns). Also, this may sound funny, but I'd suggest that you talk to him about talking. What I mean is tell him you know he's a really good kid who does so many things right, but you think he knows that no one is perfect. Ask him if he agrees. Tell him you like to talk to him about how you can say things to him in a way that won't get him upset. Say that you want to be able to talk to him not because you think he's a bad kid or he has done anything so wrong, but because being as good parent means trying to help guide their children to be the best they possibly can be. Tell him you'd like to work on how you can communicate with each other and try to agree on a certain strategy (a signal or let him suggest the exact words you can say that will help him hear you). When an incident occurs, don't be surprised when he gets upset and try to focus on his reaction to what you're saying more than the point at hand. When he gets upset about a remark or incident remind him that you agreed you'd work on this together and that his trouble handling your remarks is happening right then. Ask him to try to calm himself down so you can proceed with the talk. How does that sound?