Son wants to be held constantly, throws tantrums and wont sleep.

[randomname23]

My girlfriend has a son who is about 19 months old. He is very clingy to his mother which we attribute to insecurity issues resulting from her divorce from the father who has some issues of his own. Sometimes (most days) he wants to be held all the time and will go in to a screaming fit whenever he is put down. She is very small, about 105 lbs and he is very big for his age so she simply cannot hold him at all time, not to mention that she needs to set him down to cook and clean, at which point he will simply go in to a screaming tantrum.  We have tried distracting him with foods or toys he likes, playing with him, watching videos, and even ignoring him out right when there's nothing else we can do. We can keep him busy and happy for a wile, but as soon as he decides he wants his mom to hold him, its impossible to put him down and the rest of the day is an endless tantrum.

Bed time is an even bigger problem. Sometimes he will go to bed easily enough, but he never stays asleep for more than a couple hours.  He wakes up 4-6 times a night, and comes to her bedroom door and starts crying. She only recently started putting him in his own room at night, but it was the same problem when he was in her room. She gets up 4-6 times a night for 15-20 minutes to get him back to sleep. Recently she has tried ignoring him, because sometimes he will just go back to his room on his own, close the door behind himself and go to sleep without to much fuss, but usually he will just scream and cry and scream some more unless she puts him back in bed and sit with him until he goes to sleep. She catches cold easily as it is and hasn't been able get nearly enough sleep in so long. She's always getting sick and simply can no longer handle the physical, mental, or emotional distress.  Last night she absolutely broke down. She actually mentioned adoption and erupted in to tears and just started balling. Ive known her for 7 years. She's been through some tough times, but in all those years I've never known her to cry over anything and I just can't stand to see her like this. She is such a strong person but she is at her breaking point. Help us!

[allmymarbles]

When you have to spend 24 hours a day with a difficult child, you lose your perspective and your ability to cope. She needs a few hours out of the house occasionally. If that could be worked out, it would help her immensely. Mothers need care too.

Her problem, unfortunately, is not unique. In times past we did not live compartmentalized lives. There were always other family members about to share the burden.

[randomname23]

oh PS she is a stay at home mom.

[randomname23]

He does take a nap around mid day for about an hour and a half, and I do play with him whenever he'll let me. We chase each other around the house on all fours, and watch old 40s Disney cartoons, or try to name things in picture books, so there are plenty of things i do to interact with him, but when he goes in to tantrum mode it makes it worse if I try to interact with him at all, and his tantrum mentality may last all day. It  seems like the sleeping issue has been solved by just locking him out of the room and ignoring him for several days. Last night she slept the whole night through without interruption, which is the first time thats happened. He only got out and wined for a minute and went back to bed on his own - so hopefully that will help his behavior during the day.

[allmymarbles]

My third child was like that and almost put me in the hospital. Hardly slept. Could not be weaned. My health suffered for a long time afterwards. If the child is not in daycare, put her there for part of the day. Not the whole day. But your girlfriend needs rest. It is unfortunate that it is her first child that is so difficult. I at least knew that motherhood could be a delight. My first two were a breeze. Number four was OK too.

[margypops]

Is he in any day care during the day or is she a stay at home mom ? i ask that because sometimes if a child doesnt see his mom during the day they need to have her around them in the evenings and at night. Does he nap for a long time during the day as that will disturb his night time sleep Heres the thing he has learnt that if he yells his mom will go to him and pick him up, so he does it to get her attention , the only way is to let him yell and not pick him up. What do you do with him as there could also be some jealousy at play here , make sure you have some games with him ball games reading and fun, that way she is getting a break...It is a matter of getting on top of child /parent interaction . There is a good book out there called SOS Help for Parents' by Lynn Clarke it may make a useful gift to her from you ... good luck