Sould I be worried about 7 year old gran-daughter?

[sherri1958]

My grand-daughter will be 8 at the end of Aug. She is very smart and is the oldest. She has a younger sister 6 and a brother who will be 5 in Sept. When she was 4 at a friends birthday sleep-over is when the choking started. She got mad at her friend and choked her. Recently in the last couple months it has started up again. Her brother took a checker away from her and would not give it back.  She grabbed him by thr throat threw him to the ground and would lift him up and down as she choked him. A couple of weeks later she did the same to her sister. She seems to be having a good day until she explodes.
She also has had some other problems. When she was 4 her Aunt came over and went in her room to find her and her sister in the closet and she had the drum sticks up her sister's vagina. More recently within the last couple of months, she was caught giving oral sex to her best friends 4 year old brother in the other person's garage. She has also stuck a sock in her brother underware when he was sleeping to make it look like he had an erection. She made a ststment to her friend at school that she should not be her friend because she is not the nice person everyone thinks she is because she like to hurt kids, she like to choke them. Her ped.doctor said she did not need to be examined.

[D99G03]

I just re-read your post.  You mentioned her "mom and dad' and then you said your "daughter's husband" --- is he a Stepdad?  If so, and I apologize for insulting any Steps ot there, but I'd really check into that avenue.  It also came to mind that this abuse has been going on for a MINIMUM of 4 yrs. since she is now 8 yrs.and you noted the drumstick event occurred at 4 yrs.  Immediate action needs to be taken, she has clearly been abused --- and again, prayers to you all!

[3munchkinmommy]

I would say you really need to get your granddaughter help. Would you prefer to find out later on that your granddaughter is being sexually abused by someone in the household & you did nothing to stop it or to find out that they will move her away until they figure out the problem? I know some kids who have been removed from a home because of sexual abuse who's other parent had no idea, but then after the problems were sorted out (admittedly it took some months) they were returned. I think the most important issue here is to get your grandaughter some help immediately, even if it does hurt you or your daughter in the process. If you think about what you wrote in your posting she has already continued the chain of sexual abuse by molesting her sister with drum sticks & with the other little boy. It really pains me to hear of someone in this position, but I feel more for this little girl who is obviously very much hurting & if its not sexual abuse & its a mental disorder, she still needs help. As she gets older if she finally gets help she'll always live with the shame of hurting others & thats not something a little girl needs to hold on to either for the rest of her life. Please think of your grandaughter's sake first before anyone elses, i know it would be hard on her if they removed her from the household but at the same time I would be a better resolution than to let this continue to progressively get worse. I wish you the best of luck & your grandaughter will be in our prayers

[sherri1958]

My daughter found a counselor for my grand-daughter. Her second session is on Monday. The only problem is ,is that she is afraid to tell her what the problem is because  my daughter's mother-in-law has her Master's in psychology and works with kids placed in Foster Homes. She told my daughter that even though she is seeking help for her daughter that child welfare my take her away from her if they think that she is a danger to other's. I don't understand why they would take her away if they are trying to get to the bottom of this. She coked her sister again two days ago and left fingerprint marks on her that lasted a couple of hours. Her mom and dad sat down with her and told her that she could have killed her sister and she would not ever see her sister again if she would have died. She looked at them and said "That's not true, when Jesus comes back he will raise everyone from the dead and she will see her again in heaven." They did not know what to say. I have offered many times to have her live with me because we are very close and she has said many times that she wants to live with me. My daughter's husband will not here of it. He believes that that will send a signal to her that they gave up on her and that they don't love her. Any advice I can give them? is it true that they would take her away?

[D99G03]

I have an 8 yr. old son and all I can say is this poor little girl knows way too much for her age, childhood lost, ... my son knows of NONE of this.  I agree with all of the above, abuse indicator, danger to other children, and that she does need help.  I just am wondering ... and this may sound completely ridiculous ... but why might a child want to live with a grandparent so bady? (which by the way might be a good solution to the hurting sibling problem while she gets help)  Is there any chance her dad (or someone else in the home) might be abusing her?  I question her dad because it seems that he is adamantly against discussing it.  

It's wonderful that she has you and that you share a close relationship with her.  Maybe in a "bonding moment" you can talk to her and get her to discuss things with you ... you may get more info. than you think??  

Again, I am an outsider looking in but as I read your post these 2 things popped immediately into my mind.  Best of luck to your family, my prayers are with you all.

[Cleveland Mom]

If your grand daughter's pediatrician said that she does need to be seen by a specialist i.e. child psychologist or clinical social worker, then he or she must not be aware of the behaviors that you reported in this post.  Her aggressive behavior i.e. choking other children make her a danger to others.  Her sexualized behavior is also alarming.  She is sexually acting out on other children, this behavior is harmful to others as well.  The type of sexual behavior that you have reported is also outside the norm.  A parent/guardian of this little girl should seek out an evaluation.  This can be accomplished by requesting a referral for a child psychologist or clinical social worker from her doctor.  Best wishes...

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your granddaughter absolutely needs to be evaluated by a mental health clinician. Her behavior is not at all within the spectrum of normal childhood behavior problems. The sexual and aggressive aspects of her behavior are very worrisome. I hope her parents are concerned and think the situation deserves attention asap. For a child so young to be engaging in the sexual acting out indicates that she has been a victim of sexual abuse or has been exposed to behavior that should not be experienced by a child so young. Left to their own devices, children do not do the sorts of things you describe.