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Starting assessment - help!

Okay my dd is *barely* 3, and had to switch preschools a month ago due to the old one moving across town to a bad neighborhood.
At the old one, for the year she was there, she had two teachers. One said she was great, liked the other kids, did imaginative play.The other teacher was overall happy with dd, but when I pulled her out of the school she suggested a psychological and speech assesment/therapy.
We've started the assessment process with IEP, but her new school is having so many problems with her, she has been there 3 weeks and she isn't really connecting with the other kids or teachers. She plays outside - physical play- with the other kids from time to time, but she isn't talking to the other kids, and she isn't self-motivating to play with the other kids when there are group activities or toy-focused playtime, unless it is painting or music. She likes toys, all kinds, but she is hesitant to check out toys other kids are playing with. She doesn't talk much to the teachers, and sometimes she echoes back a word or even the complete phrase when they talk to her. Also, she doesn’t seem to be initiating conversations at school.
When I visit the school, I see her playing with the other kids, or sitting at a table doing activities with the other kids, but I haven't seen her talk to the other kids yet. She does talk about the other kids at home a bit, even going so far as to bring her friend breakfast one morning. At her old school, she took a while to warm up to everyone, but after a month or so she was playing just fine with the other kids, having conversations with the teacher and kids, etc.
The thing is, at home, at the park, at family gatherings, disneyland, you name it, she is outgoing, curious, communicative, etc. Her echoes outside of school are rare, and usually only confined to learning new words, she is learning new words every day. I took her to a new park yesterday, new kids, new surroundings. She ran around trying everything, and eventually did self-motivate to play with other kids on the teeter totter.  She locked eyes with other kids and laughed, and when I asked her to say hi, she did so right away to the other kid, smiling and maintaining eye contact.
She also makes jokes, points, eye contact, etc. She is shy around new people, but warms up eventually. I would say overall she is introverted.
Her current school, from day one, took notes on her "red flag" behavior, such as the echoes, and they mention eye contact, which I could see, she looks down when she feels insecure or shy, but she will look you in the eye when she talks to you, at least she does with everyone outside of school.  At the park yesterday she made eye contact with adults she didn’t even know. She answers yes or no questions very well, and constantly initiates conversations and activities in the home. She makes things and gives them to people occasionally. When I told the school she was just getting used to the school, give her more time, they said, no, that wasn't it, she has some kind of delay, most likely pdd or asd. I handed over all the school notes to everyone who knows her, and the reaction is usually disbelief, this is just not the kid they know.
What can I do to provide enough information on dd to help psychologist make the most correct diagnosis in this odd situation? My first thought is to make videotapes of her at home, in the park, on play dates, just put the camera in a corner and let it record for 45 minutes, no cuts or interruptions, it can capture the good, the bad, and the whatever. Do you think a psychologist would want to see this type of stuff, and take it seriously? I ask because she is simply not doing any of the stuff they describe at her new school in front of me.
Finally, I will ask the psychologist to talk to the teacher at her old school, although my mother mentioned that it could be seen as digression if dd did well there socially and is doing poorly at her new school.
I could really use some advice, I am deeply confused. Should I get two assessments, just to be sure whatever is going on is easy to diagnose? Is it possible for a kid to be pdd or asd in only one place?

I am very interested in hearing what you all have to say.

Thanks,
Confused Mom
2 Responses
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Avatar universal
I agree with RockRose - sounds like selective mutism.  From the site that was mentioned, there are downloads that can be printed for both medical and educational personnel.  You might want to print some of these printouts for those involved with your daughter.  Unfortunately. many of our medical and educational professionals are not aware of this rare disorder so often the parents need to "take the lead" in helping them to "discover" this disorder.  Also, if you feel a tape would help, then do not hesitate to bring one (I know of several parents who have done this very thing).  By the way, speech therapy will not help a selectively mute child as the "problem" is anxiety and not speech issues.  It is thought that anxiety is an inherited trait.

One more thing - the site listed above has many excellent resources which can help with the education and socializing of your daughter.  You or the school might wish to purchase a couple of them.  The earlier the diagnosis; the better the prognosis for children suffering from anxiety.  It does sound as if your child is not severe in her anxieties, so intervention and perhaps therapy might be all that is required.  Some sm children take many years to learn how to manage their anxieties but early diagnosis and intervention can shorten this timeline greatly.  All the best
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13167 tn?1327194124
Sounds like selective mutism.  Check out this link:

http://www.selectivemutism.org/FAQ.htm
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