My 8 year old daughter who is extremely attention needy has been stealing and crafting elaborate lies to cover up. Starting with a new year of school (3rd grade) she is very resistant to change and did very well last year with her teacher (who she adored) as well as academically and behaviorally. I have also since last year been taking her to a child therapist. She is very jealous of her younger brother since the day he was born. Just the other day, I found items from a local store under her bed. I confronted her with it and she admitted that she stole them. I took her to the police department where they showed her what happens to people who steal. I thought it made a dent, but then two days later, she took money from her friend's desk at school. She swore up and down she didn't do it, but another child saw her and she also bought lunch snacks with money that she didn't come to school with that day. I am at my wits end and don't know how to handle this. I try to spend private time with her, but I quite frankly feel like she is a vacuum and leaves me with nothing for my other child.
My husband doesn't know how to handle the situation. He shows his disapproval but doesn't say much to her or to support me.
Your daughter is displaying her distress via her behavior, and you should not try to handle this all by yourself. Are you thinking of arranging an evaluation with a menatl health clinician? It would be wise to do so. Not only can the clinician help you understand what is occurring, he/she can craft a plan for intervention. You would be doing a good thing for your daughter to move ahead with this right away.
We do/are currently seeking help from a child therapist biweekly on behavioral issues in general and she did so well last year with both her 2nd grade teacher and the therapist. This year feels like a setback with the change of school grade and the new teacher who she does not like as much.
I did make the therapist aware of the situation last week but it happened again so I will need to readdress with her the next time I go.
First you and your husband need to get on the same page. I think at some point all kids act out by stealing. I have to 3 girls 14 10 7 the third one is my step daughter and up until I got married a year ago did not stay on a regular basis. The first 2 are mine and they all are jealous of each other.
The 10 y/0 stole I am a police officer so I sat her in a juvenile cell where all the criminals go. She never did it again. Just other things. I realized since then that these were things to get my attn. The 14 y/o is more like ur child. She will drain, and suck the life out of you, will always cause some attn to her self so that she may have all the attn. I have taken a strict stance to all of them. I do not allow her to make me or my husband feel anything when we treat any of them.
But these are the things I have done. We have family time. I make each of the kids support everyones extracurricular activities.sports that is whether they want to or not. My oldest 2 go to therapy on a regular my step daughter goes once a month.
I have learned about there anger and bitterness thru what I call photo journal they draw pictures of what they feel or that activities for the day. I DO NOT ALLOW any of them to see each others pictures or take there time away from each other.
As for school see if you can get the teacher to let you know about her day. She may be able to give you some insight of why change may be difficult for her..Also see if her teachers will link with the psychologist as well. That is always a plus. I stay in contact via phone and email at least 2 times a week with all of there teachers to make sure that there are no other hindrances academically for them or at home.
Its not easy by far dealing with all these things especially as she gets older. As for what I said in the beginning its true about you and your husband YOU NEED TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE> he might be disa ppointed and upset but if there is no consistency when you trying to impliment a plan it will fail.. <My first husband taught me well LOL,,,,,,
I can't say that there isn't consistency - because he and I feel the same way. Its just that he really isn't a great communicator so the words are few. She does know and feel his disappointment so there I think we are a team. She is jealous of her brother, and always has been. I am taking her to a therapist and I do spend private time with her so she can feel special.
Its difficult to say the least. I am concerned that she will create a label for herself with other children and with the teachers in the school for being dishonest and a thief. That stuff doesn't go away that easily.
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