Stealing

[CassieS]

Today I was informed by my five year old's teacher that he has been stealing money from other students. When I asked him what he was going to do with the money, he said put it in his piggy bank for Disney World. He has been caught stealing a couple times in the past couple months and I have tried talking to him about it and explaining that it is a bad thing to do. He has also been caught lying many times mostly about small things and I have resorted to washing his mouth out when I catch him in a lie. I don't know if that is an appropriate disciplinary method but I have tried everything: taking away toys, books, games, fun things, rewarding for good behavior, etc. Nothing seems to work! He is extremely smart and ahead in some areas at school. What is your advice?

[dmcshe]

My 8 year old has been stealing lately - and telling pretty elaborate lies to cover it up. The school notified me two days ago that another little girl saw my daughter put a $5 bill (which belonged to her friend) in her pants pocket. She adamantly denied taking it, got emotional even, with everyone at the school.  I came home and found cash under her bed. When I told her that I knew she took it, she had no where to go with it. Two days prior she had stolen $39 worth of stuff from the Walgreens while I was with her!  She bought a few trinkets and then without me seeing added to the bag. I took her to the police department, had the officer show her the jail and scare her and it obviously didn't do too much because she took the $5 2 days later.

I made her write her friend a card putting the $5 back in and owning up to what she did. I took away all her webkins and she is grounded for a week.

It has been rough. I asked her why she took it and she said finally, that she wanted snack money for lunch. All she had to do was ask me.

[CassieS]

He is not concerned with clothes and of course he wants any toy he sees, but he definitely doesn't get it. I just really do not know what it going on. We talk about saving money for Disney World so that he can buy a toy for himself, but we don't obsess over it. One thing that we told him is that if he continues to steal we will give the money in his piggy bank to another child that is going to DW. I don't even know if that is appropriate. But when we told him, it seemed he got a little excited that he would get to do that. ?? About the lack of ego or hole in the heart, I am not sure. He used to be very shy but now he has really come around and can go up to store clerks and ask questions, play with other children, talk to people well, etc. I give him lots of praise for good things and I try to always be positive with him.
The other thing that concerns me is that his biological father has many problems, never diagnosed, but he has every sign of narcisism (sp?) and other personality disorders. He was a thief among many other negative things. My son has not seen him since he was two and never asks about him. Its almost as if he doesn't remember him. But this is a concern of mine also, that genetics are playing a role. I am going to contact a child therapist, but I want my son to know that there is nothing wrong with him, only his behavior.

[CassieS]

I also told my son that people who steal go to jail and it barely affected him. Nothing does. The first time his mouth was washed out with soap, he cried and cried but after that he has barely whimpered. Sometimes I wonder if I need to be harsher with him. I have always followed through with discipline but I do it very patiently and I wonder if he needs to see me very upset. Thank you for your advice on renting books about the subject.

[RockRose]

Cassie,  usually when small children steal habitually,  it's because they kind of have a hole in their hearts or their egos.  

Is he the kind of boy who always wants to look "cool",  and wear really cool clothes and sort of exhibits behavior that makes it look like he's trying to maintain top status?    Is he the kid in the room who appears to be aware and on top of things generally,  as far as what great toys are out there,  or what great shoes,  etc?

Frankly,  I'm kind of amazed that he had such a clear cut strategy for what he would do with the stolen money,  and he owned up to it!  Yeah,  I'm takin' it for my piggy bank for Disney Worlld is a very clear strategy.

[rebbecca]

my 5 year old stepdaughter got caught stealing from a store a couple of months ago. it was one of those card that you can put money on. before she toke it my son was telling her to put it back and i thought nothing of it cause she is always touching something and being told no. we got outside i was putting bags in the car and notice something in her hand. realizing what it was i got really mad. so i made her go back in the store and made her tell the manager what she did. and i told her that people that do things like that can and will go to jail. she walked out of the store crying her little eyes out. keep my fingers crossed she hasnt done it again. I also have a problem with her lying about everything. so i went to the local library and rented books on lying. hopefully it will work.
good luck, i hope i was some help