Stepfather

[Anthony209]

How do you be a step father to a five year old girl? I don't know what is right or wrong. Should I stay out of any
discipline; for example she goes to bed late, and her mother thinks it's ok since she doesn't go to pre-k till 11am.
She eats with her fingers, should she eat with a spoon or fork? She whines and cries a lot and her mother gets up every five minutes to see what is wrong. Her room is a mess, but her mother cleans her room; she doesn't think she
should clean it. I had a normal childhood, but her mother had a terrible childhood. She is precious, but I don't know
whether it is right for me to say anything about these kinds of things or not. Should I just do things with her, but
stay out of setting any guidelines?


This discussion is related to 5 year old and new step father.

[margypops]

Yes the Lynn Clark book is excellant helps a lot of parents,

[Sandman2]

Margypops has great suggestions.  The only thing I would add is that both you and your wife will need to be on the same page (or close to it) when it comes to discipline.  You need to start communicating about this when she is not around  (definitely NOT when she is being disciplined).  One way to start is to pick up a good book on raising kids, read it and discuss it.  I have seen  Lynn Clarks' book SOS: Help for Parents, recommended in this forum.  It might be a good place to start.

[margypops]

Sorry ..missed two questions...I think she should be in bed by 8-9pm regardless of whether she is in day care, whines /cries maybe at night Mom could leave her to do the whining, when it isnt getting any attention it will stop...

[margypops]

It is great to hear from Dads who want to ask how to help themselves be good parent , thank you I can tell you care about this new little daughter.I would always leave Mom to do the discipling however if she isnt around and you are faced with it, do a time out, have a cushion or chair placed in a nearby area , sit her there , tell her she may come off when she is sorry, she may yell /leave her time out space, with no yelling or rebuking you take her back, it may taker several goes till she gets it ,thats okay.I personally think its okay for a child to eat finger foods with her fingers , however it depends on the food, so perhaps introduce the fork and spoon aswell as the fingers.,ask Mom to do the same.Cleaning up for a child of 5 is a challenge its easier to do it but may be good to share the cleaning up, ask her to help you, it is a fact children respond to choices, instead of demands.The make sure you play games with her, outside activities, have fun, she will be eating out of your hand ,if you listen to her... give her plenty of positive attention,, Good Luck caring Dad .