Still not sleeping well at 21 months!!!

[bella'smom]

OK...this is our story...

Bella is 21 months old and has never really slept all that well...BUT lately we are waking up at 1:30am and 4:30am...she cries and comes to her door and unless one of us goes and helps her back to her todler bed she just cries louder and louder. usually she'll fall back to sleep...but recently she is wide awake after not wanting to fall asleep until 9:30-sometimes even later!!!

she is daycare and naps during the day. I don't think she gets enough sleep at night and need help in what to do to get her to sleep through the night. What's the farber method and how does it work...would it help us???

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I won't attempt to describe the techniques of Ricard Farber in this note because it would be too lengthy. Essentially, the goal is for the child to both fall asleep on her own and remain remain in bed. If children are accustomed to the company of their parents in accomplishing these tasks, they tend to keep relying on the parents. So behavior change within the family is what is needed. Part of your dilemma is that your daughter is already sleeping in a bed. To be frank, too many parents remove their children from cribs prematurely, before children have the impulse control to really master being in a bed. In any case, take a look at the book (Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems). You'll have to bite the bullet, but it will be worthwhile to reach your goal.

[sleepless]

I've been there!!  My now 6-year-old did not sleep really well until she was about 5.  I had very similar problems to you.  I tried Farber, I tried reward charts, I tried consequences.  Nothing seemed to work.  I ended up compromising by making her sleep in her bed, but helping her back to sleep.  For those times she was wide awake at 3:30--"HI Mommy!"  I laid down in her bed with her.  She needed to learn how to sleep, but we also needed as much sleep as we could get.  
As she got older, it gt better.  In cycles though--6 weeks great, 6 weeks not so great--until the good got longer and the bad shorter.  It was so gradual that I hardly noticed. It was dreadful, but it doesn't last forever.