Such a scared little girl

[kpla]

Let me start with a short history.  I am a single mom and always have been.  My daughter has never met her father and when she was born I ended up with endomitritis and had a hard time moving around.  Consequently, I had my daughter sleep in bed with me because it was easier for night time feedings.  Once I was better (and this is where I made my first mistake) I kept my daughter in bed with me every night.  She is now 5 and with the exception of a few previous attempts, she has never really slept in her own bed. We bought our first house last year and my daughter still will not sleep in her own bed.  I work full time and because I need to get sleep to function, I have a hard time keeping her in her own bed.  My daughter also seems to be normal in every way (smart, sociable, friendly, funny and outgoing) but she now has anxiety about being alone.  She follows me all over the house and will not go into any room I am not in without begging me to come with her.  When someone comes to the door she hides under a chair in the dining room where she has also hidden one of the cordless phones.  She is also resisting anything I try to teach her that has anything to do with independence (i.e. getting her own drink, dressing herself...)  She is also afraid of the dark, but is mostly afraid of being alone.  Is this normal behaviour and what can I do to help her?  I must also point out that we have a "mystery doorbell" in our house, which is a doorbell that has a short somewhere and periodically goes off on its own.  Please help :(

[margypops]

Reading your post it would seem you have some concerns on safety and have passed this on to her, perhaps some over-protectiveness,, hence the hidden doorbell, and allowing a phone hidden under a chair, she has picked this up, most children copy us so you will have to make her feel safe again,if you have concerns ,she will have them, it is a learned behavior.,is it also possible she has hidden when anyone comes to the door from some fear you unknowingly have expressed.So you have to undo all of this,from now on let her behave hiding when anyone comes to  the door , dont feed into it, no words , or the sleeping tell her she has her own bed and her own room, read her stories and leave a hall light on if she wants you to, tuck her in and walk away, she will come out she will yell , take her back , be consistant ,it will take a few nights but she will get it. really she has to unlearn how you have shown her to be, I think less words are better simply make sure she feels safe by Your attitude. Good luck

[Liquid4444]

You might try sleeping with her in her own bed, if that is possible physically, and weening her on her own. It may take awhile. But it might work. Also, a night light or a table lamp as a night light might help also. Leave it on for both of you. I might suggest a pal to sleep with, like a teddy bear, big enough to wrap her arms around. Her security has to be transfered to something else.
If you both can't fit in her bed, then you might consider a wider bed for her to fit both of you. But she has to end up alone in her bed. I can't say how long it would take. But  if you give up, the next best thing is therapy. Yes, I am afraid you made a mistake by keeping her in your bed. But don't be concerned with that now. Her well being is and your sanity is important.